My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Too many choices

I don't know what movie to go see on Saturday. I'll be driving to Atlanta on Sunday, so I can only pick one. It will be either A History of Violence, Serenity, or the Johnny Cash biopic. Two of them will have to wait until the following weekend.

I hate it when I get backed up like this.

One less choice for lunch

At the lunchbreak for the seminar today, we ate at the restaurant located right at the hotel.

The service was horrible. They were pushing the buffet, and we had to practically beg for a menu. Then it took, no lie, 30 minutes to get the check. They just couldn't seem to get anything right. Then, while I was signing the receipt and talking on my cell phone, the guy tried to take the receipt away.

I got up and practically screamed at him that it took me 30 goddamn minutes to get the check and then he wanted to snatch it away in 30 seconds. I told him it was the worst service I had ever received, I would never come back, and then I stormed out of there. Quite a scene.

I can't ever go back there.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

The Evil Empire

Tomorrow I have to go to a seminar for work. It lasts all day, beginning at 7:30 am. It's put on by The Disney Institute. It's all about Unleashing Your Creativity!

Given that it is Disney, I would think that Manipulating Little Children! would play more to their strengths.

Or Bastardize and Take All the Meaning Out of Time-Honored Fairy Tales!

Or Give Us All Your Money. We Said All Of It, Punk!

It's gonna be a long day.

Nailbiting time

Sigh......the Red Sox and Yankees are dead even with six games to play. And the last three are with each other. This thing is going right down to the wire. Why can't anything be easy?

And of course, it will probably come down to the last game, which is on Sunday afternoon. And where will I be? Driving up I-75 to Atlanta again, unable to watch.


Sunday, September 25, 2005

At the movies

I was not blown away by the two movies I saw this weekend. The first was Tim Burton's "Corpse Bride" which was just OK. It started kinda slow and picked up a little, but all in all I was underwhelmed.

I feel bad about not liking "March of the Penguins", the movie I saw today, more. It seems I should have. It got really good reviews. And it was a good movie, it's just....I don't know.

I think maybe it's because I don't want to think about anything else during a movie. Both movies were slow enough that I had time to do some daydreaming.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

It's alive! It's alive!

I'm baaaaaaaaack. The laptop appears to be fixed, thanks to the wife, God bless her. It appears to have been a software problem rather than a hardware problem, so she was able to fix it. I lost everything I had on it, but I don't mind starting with a clean slate, it could have been a lot worse. Plus I had the (rare) presense of mind to email myself all my important links.

Ahhhh. Life is good.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

I'll be sitting shiva in no time.....

It took me 30 minutes to get my laptop up and running last night. I fear the end is near. It went through so many wacky antics at one point I thought it might actually self destruct.

I have a guy who can take a look at it, but that doesn't do me any good while I'm in Atlanta. I kept it running all last night because I was afraid if I turned it off I wouldn't be able to get it going this morning. Of course, I'll have to turn it off pretty soon when I go to work so the maid doesn't steal it.

The bes thing about working in Atlanta is the food. We had dinner at Maggiano's on Sunday night and The Cheesecake Factory last night.

Good stuff.

Monday, September 19, 2005

I'm a loser, baby

Jesus. I was in five fantasy baseball leagues. In four of them, I was in the playoffs (as the top seed in three of them) and I lost all four matches this past week.

And I got blown out in the fantasy football league I'm in.

And I sucked for the second straight week in my football pool.

I'm a tad bummed out.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

We've got movie sign!

Sigh. I miss MST3K.

Anyway. I've seen three movies since last weekend. The best of them was "The Aristocrats". Hilariously vulgar. Twice I actually did spit takes during the movie, at one point splattering the wall and my shirt with Dasani water. I am sooo sophisticated.

"The Brothers Grimm" umm...sucked. Badly. Well, more than anything it was boring. It was the most tempted I have been to walk out on a movie since "The Thin Red Line"

And yesterday I saw "Just Like Heaven". It was an enjoyable romantic comedy. And Reese Witherspoon is always good. So is Mark Ruffalo, for that matter.

I'd see another movie today, but I have to drive to Atlanta and spend the week up there working. They love me at the Atlanta branch. I'm huge there. And the restaurants are great.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Staying alive? I guess.

Disco music.

Now, I grew up in the disco era. I graduated from high school in 1980.

Back then, I hated disco music with a passion. I was all Joel, Springsteen, Seger, The Blues Brothers, and new wave music. I loathed disco music. With the white hot intensity of a thousand suns, no less.

Now I love it. Got a ton of it on my Ipod. Is it nostalgia? Maybe. But I never liked it in the first place. Aren't you usually nostalgic for things you miss? It's not like I recall it wistfully. I just like it. I can't figure it out.

And yes, I used to own a leisure suit.

My new favorite phrases

I have two new favorite phrases.

The first is "drink the Kool-Aid", which means to buy into something. I use it every chance I get. I even did a PowerPoint presentation at work a while back in which afterwards I passed out Kool-Aid to everyone and made them drink it. I'm a clever fellow.

The other is "let's put them on the glass", which means to be completely honest.

I love the fact that one phrase was conceived out of a mass suicide and the other has its origin in stripping.

Good times.

How lucky am I?

My wife is the smartest person I know. She went back to school in the early 90's and got her MBA, and now she is pursuing her law degree while holding down a job just as demanding as mine. She comes home from work every day and spends hours studying.

Me? Inside of 2o minutes when I get home I'm in a pair of shorts and watching PTI or Seinfeld reruns.

But she still needs me to carry heavy stuff and kill bugs. So I've got that going for me. Which is nice.

Houston we have a problem...

My laptop appears to be dying. I feel like I am attending to a relative that is slowly slipping away.

It's only a little over two years old. It seems that they should last longer than that.

Still, the thought of buying a shiny new laptop is kind of exciting. Now I don't know whether to hope it hangs in there or eventually expires.

I wonder if that makes me a bad person.

Grape vienna suasage.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

My favorite joke

A clown and an eight year old boy are walking through a cemetary at midnight.

From far off in the distance they hear an ominous howl.

The little boy looks up at the clown and says "Gosh, it's dark out here. I'm really scared."

The clown looks at the boy, astonished. "You're scared?" he exclaims, "I have to walk out of here all by myself!"

Early mornings

I love the early mornings. Six days out of every seven I get up at 4:45 AM and go for a walk. Then I come back, read the paper, have breakfast, and go back to bed until 7:30 AM or so. And since I have been doing it, I feel great.

I'm a big fan of the wee hours.

Today is my day of rest, but it's hard to break the habit, so I always have to get up anyway, find something to do, then do the breakfast-and-paper thing before going back to bed.

Facinating, huh?

Monday, September 12, 2005

Yes, I have issues

What is the worst part about fucking an eight year old?

Getting blood stains out of your clown suit.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

You're fired!

I have been a manager or supervisor in one form or another for most of my professional life. Firing people is always a part of being a manager. A lot of people don't like to fire people. In fact, most people don't like it. But I never minded it. In fact, I kind of like it. I refer to it as "putting two in the back of his/her head".

I can remember a couple years back, I think it was November of 2003, I was spending a lot of time in our Birmingham location. And there was an employee there that had to go. She was a very nice person, very sweet, very motherly, the kind of person who would do anything for anybody. But she wasn't getting the job done, and I needed someone in that position who could.

The manager of the department was new, and she had worked with the woman in another company before, so she didn't really want to be the one to do it, and I didn't think she should be, so I told her I would be happy to do the deed.

The employee came in that morning with a batch of freshly baked homemade chocolate chip cookies. And boy, she made good cookies. I didn't want to waste any time though, and so before she could get comfortable I brought her and the manager into the manager's office, where I explained how her job performance was lacking, and that I was going to have to let her go.

She was OK at first, but then she began to get weepy. She started to talk about she was worried now that she wouldn't have enough money for Christmas presents for her kids. She started crying, and the manager started to cry too.

So they are both sitting there crying and commiserating, and I just sat there. And the only thing going through my mind was "Damn, I should have gotten one of those cookies before I brought her in here. She's probably going to take them with her when she goes."

It's not easy being a sociopath.

And yes, she did take the cookies. Bitch.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Wait A Minute

I found the remote. Maybe the evil spirits are reading this, got scared, and put it back.

It could happen.


I've got an infestation of something in my house. Elves? Gremlins? Poltergeists? I'm not sure yet.

I can't find the remote control for the little under cabinet TV we have in the kitchen. Where could it have gone?

And I can't find the manuals to my fairly new stereo and receiver and 300 CD Changer. That is a lot of paperwork. Where the fuck is it?

It is easier for me to believe that evil and malicious forces are at work here than for me to believe I misplaced them somewhere.


Friday, September 09, 2005

Borderline Sociopath

For many years now I have considered myself to be a borderline sociopath. It's not an official diagnosis, just a feeling I have.

I just don't seem to have normal human emotions in many situations.

For instance, if it weren't for the threat of prison, I could easily kill people for a living. I'm serious. Seems like it would be fun.

The main tool of my trade would be a .22. Nice and close and clean. I'm not as big a fan of the "wet work" as we say in the trade.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Watching NBC News

Brian Williams is ruggedly handsome.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Fantasy baseball

I must be doing something right. The fantasy baseball regular season is over, and four out of my five teams have qualified for the playoffs.

I finished first in three leagues, fourth in another, and way back in the fifth (I had messed up on the draft. Instead of setting my preferences for the top 25 players, I hit the wrong button and exluded the top 25 players from my picks. A rookie mistake).

I get a bye in two leagues, so I only have to worry about two teams this week. Which is nice.

Are you ready for some football?

Thursday will kick off the NFL season. I used to be a bigger football fan than I am now. My interest in Major League Baseball was renewed about three years ago, and as I became more and more immersed in baseball, I lost a lot of my affinity for football. I guess my brain can only hold so much.

Baseball was my first love as a kid. I can still name the starting lineup of the 1977 Red Sox.

I was a Miami Dolphin fan forever. I guess I still am, although my interest has waned since Marino retired. And I used to hate the Patriots with a passion. But now that I no longer live in Massachusetts and am not constantly surrounded by their obnoxious fans, I am happy for their success. Perhaps that represents a bit of personal growth?

I'd hate to think that.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Song lyrics

One of my favorite lyrics, from Don Henley's "You Don't Know Me At All":

I closed up the curtains
Learned to confess
Baby, I knew better
But you were such a pretty mess
You took my breath away
Now I want it back
Ah, you should have killed me
Cause you always looked so good in back.

I love good songwriting.

Is it me?

I seem to be aquiring quite a list of pet peeves. I'm 43 years old. Is it an age thing? Am I getting cranky? Is this the beginning of a slow inexorable slide into dementia? For your consideration:

People who, when they are in any sort of drive-thru line, turn off and start their car every time they move up a spot. Should these people be driving?

People who refuse to wait until you get off the elevator before they attempt to get on the elevator. I like to wait right up against the doors big as life with a big scowl on my face, which startles any would-be jump-the-gun boarder when the doors open.

People who use the phrase "I could care less". The proper phrase is "I couldn't care less". Are we that lazy as a people? The other way makes no sense. It implies you could indeed care less, which makes no sense if you are trying to convey absolute disinterest.

People who insist on waiting until the last minute before trying to merge and cut in front of you at the highway construction site even though there have been "lane closed" signs for the last two miles. Merge, you son of a bitch!

People who will idle their car in a lane in a parking lot waiting for someone to pull out so they can get a space 30 feet closer to Wal-Mart or Publix, or whatever, completely oblivious to the fact they are backing up traffic. And nine times out of ten once these pinheads do park and get out of the car it turns out to be someone who could have benefited from a little bit of a walk, if you get my drift.

There is no such word as irregardless. Period.

Yada yada yada

Ahh......I am watching Seinfeld. This is perhaps the greatest show ever. I was going through withdrawal--I was in Atlanta all last week and the hotel didn't have any channels on which I could watch it. Here in Gainesville, on weekdays I can watch it from 6 PM to 7PM. And it is usually on at least once on Saturday and Sunday.

I've seen each episode 40 times. But I still love it.

Life is good

The Red Sox won again today behind fat boy David Wells. My life always seems a little bit better when the Red Sox win. Dinner tastes better, the air seems fresher, and I can enjoy ESPN's Baseball Tonight.

If the Yankees lose tonight, I'll be walking on air.

Red Eye

Just saw Red Eye. Not a bad little thriller. A little short, and maybe a tad predictable, but Rachel McAdams is always nice to look at. All in all, I think we got our money's worth.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Not just for bathroom breaks anymore

I have an affinity for certain commercials. One of my favorites series these days is the one for Sonic with the two guys going through the drive-thru. I love those guys. And I like the commercials for Starbucks Double Shot. And the ESPN commercials have been money for years.

We've come a long way from Mr. Whipple and Rosie the Bounty Paper Towel Lady.

Urban Renewal

Well, the Florida Gators won their first game this season, beating Wyoming 32-14 to open up the Urban Meyer era. We first moved to Gainesville in October of 1996, the year they won the national championship, so I was kind of spoiled. I was really into the Gators for a few years, but became less enamored once Spurrier left (man, I loved that guy). These days I am not really emotionally invested in the team, but I want them to do well because when they are successful it is very good for the town.

Thank you Mr. Marconi

For my money there are two geniuses working today in radio. Don Imus and Tony Kornheiser. I can't listen to Imus, but I can see his show broadcast on MSNBC and I can only listen to Mr Tony if I happen to be in my car between 11 AM and 1 PM (it has to be my car because he's on XM Radio). But at least I can see Tony on ESPN's Pardon The Interruption.

I could listen to those guys 24/7 and never get tired of them. If Tony would only podcast his show, I could die a happy man. Well, wait a minute...

You can't go home again

For the last few months I have been receiving notices about my 25th high school reunion. I debated about whether to attend or not, but in the end I decided to pass. First of all, it would have meant a plane ride, and I am not a big fan of air travel. And second, I really couldn't see the point of tripping down memory lane. I mean, if these people meant anything to me anymore, wouldn't I have kept in touch with them (and vice versa)? My buddy down the highway in St. Pete lobbied for me to go and I wanted to point out to him that he and I haven't seen each other in more than a half dozen years, and we're little more than two hours away from each other. So why board a plane and schlep up to Massachusetts for an evening with strangers?

Anyway, I got an email this week that the reunion was cancelled due to lack of interest. That kind of makes me feel good.

Not that there's anything wrong with that....

I am secure enough in my masculinity that I can find beauty in another man. You know who I think is very good looking? That big blond carpenter guy on Clean Sweep. And Dan Marino. And I always thought country singer Colin Raye was cute too. I wonder if they all fit a particular type. Maybe I should not spend too much time analyzing this.
Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.