My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Everybody Stand Back....

Please excuse me, I need to empty my mind. This is a really long post. Better pack a lunch.

Whatever happened to Twister Alley? They had that one album then disappeared. I really liked them. For that matter, whatever happened to Bobbie Cryner? She was way more talented than Shania Twain.

I think every American should do two things: vote, and give blood if they can.

Why are so many people bent out of shape about gay people? How about a little tolerance? Religion, race, sexual preference, who gives a damn? We're all just human beings. Is it going to take a alien invasion for us all to band together as one?

I'm not even necessarily opposed to people having sex with their dog, as long as the dog enjoys it.

I Probably lost a few people with that one.

I don't drink it anymore, because I'm diabetic, but for a long time my beverage of choice in a restaurant was pink lemonade. I'm not sure that's typical for a guy.

Two very underrated movies: Jake Speed and Real Men.

Somehow I missed a lot of movies from the 70's. I've never seen Jaws, Chinatown, Cuckoo's Nest, Close Encounters, Kramer vs. Kramer...

I have two TV guilty pleasures: American Idol and America's Funniest Home Videos. I hate myself, but I watch them.

I'm not a big fan of swimming pools. How do I know where you people have been? I'm not getting anywhere near that bacteria frappe.

Which would be worse: losing control of your bladder in front of people, or losing control of your bowels alone?

Is there a cooler country music artist than Alan Jackson?

I've never had a massage or a pedicure or a facial, but I think about it more and more. One of these days I'll pull the trigger.

I'm an organ donor, but when the time comes, I'm not sure how much will be salvagable.

I think most talk radio is tedious with a capital T. Give me some rock and roll instead.

I really wish I could either play the piano or play guitar. I have the time to learn, but not the attention span. Or the inclination. So I guess I'll just keep wishing.

I recently got rid of my XBox and Playstation 2. It's just time, you know? I'm 43 for heaven's sake.

I have never understood the appeal of driving trucks and four wheelers through the mud on purpose.

My votes in presidential elections: Reagan, Reagan, Dukakis, Clinton, Clinton, Nader, Kerry.I'm 4 for 7.

I look good in black, but I think most people do.

Paul McCartney is my favorite Beatle. I don't have a favorite Osmond.

A lot of times for me, the glass is not only half empty, but it's chipped. And it's a dribble glass. People are fond of telling me that they think I am funny. I always respond that maybe so, but they wouldn't want to be there when the laughter stops.

A lot of people think she's overrated, but I think Nicole Kidman is one of the finest actresses around.

I need to shine my shoes. I'm terrible about that.

I've never actually seen an organ grinder with a monkey. Or even one without a monkey. Where do you find organ grinders these days?

To this day, the first thing I read when I get the newspaper is the comics section.

I am very impatiently awaiting the start of the fantasy baseball season.

I can't swim. I'm a land guy.

Cars I have owned (in order): 74 Ford Maverick, 82 Ford Courier, 87 Toyota pickup, 97 Ford Ranger, 2000 Honda CRV, 2004 Hyundai Santa Fe.

Mrs. Fabulous has driven convertibles for the last decade or so, but I think the top goes down maybe a dozen times in a calendar year.

If I had to pick one superpower, I think it would be invisibility. Seems cool.

I'm being cremated when I die. No way I'm going into the ground. With my luck, some voodoo priestess will reanimate me. Being a zombie is no way to live.

I'm not much for costume parties, but I have attended one as a flasher, and I hosted another as Elvis.

I got tired of Madonna about 15 years ago.

I've never worked for a politican's campaign before, but I might if John McCain runs for president again.

Anal sex. I'm not an anal sex guy. Seems like it would be messy. And wouldn't there be hygeine issues? Never say never I guess, but what's wrong with the vagina?

Speaking of which, "riding the cotton pony" is my favorite euphemism for menstration. "Massacre at the Y" is also very good.

Pandas are very cute.

I own every Dilbert Book. I'm not sure what that says about me.

I could watch the ten minute scene Alec Baldwin has in Glengarry Glen Ross all damn day.

Whatever happened to Fresca? Do they still make it? I remember going to my Grandmother's house when I was little and she'd ask us if we wanted soda, and when we said yes, she'd pull out the Fresca. Grandma, what the fuck?

I should make friends with a chimney sweep.

Whenever I'm out with someone at an public event and I see a police officer I always whisper to my companion "I'll knock him down and you grab his gun". But they never do it.

Ronald McDonald. How big a house does that fucking clown need?

I think my favorite non-regular character on Seinfeld was Mr. Bookman, the library cop.

I never watched Sesame Street when I was a kid. I watched Mr. Rogers though. And Captain Kangaroo. And Zoom and The Electric Company. And Romper Room. Did Sesame Street come after all that? I feel I've missed something.

If you start bleeding from your ass and your ears, you're probably gonna die.

My cheese of choice is pepperjack. Yum!

Bob Hope was not funny. Neither was Lucille Ball. Or Milton Berle.

If you can taste your spleen, you might want to seek medical attention.

How can I be 43? I remember when I was a kid we'd think about the year 2000 and how we'd be 38 then. We couldn't grasp it. It was unthinkable. But here we are, six years later. Wow, was the whole Y2K think six years ago? Time is whizzing by. I am just rocketing to the grave.

I always say I'm too pretty to go to prison, but of course that's not true. But if that day comes, I can promise you this: I'll be pitching, not catching.

I am paranoid, sarcastic, and cynical. Quite an attractive package I've got going for myself, eh?

I have a great deal of respect for the American farmer.

If I won the lottery, there is no way I would stay at my job. I love my job, but hey, I'm a millionaire now.

Every once in a while I think about growing a beard or a mustache. I had a mustache through much of my twenties, and I've had a beard once in a while. It seems like a good idea for 20 minutes,but then I always change my mind.

Do they still make erector sets and chemistry sets anymore? I never hear about them. Did I grow up in the middle ages?

I don't have a name for my penis. I think some men name theirs. For that matter, I have never named my car either, although I think a lot of people do, especially women.

I'm a dog person, not a cat person, although I have never owned a dog, so I suppose that theory is unproven.

I used to be good at tongue twisters, but I think my tongue has slowed down with age.

Whew.

Ok great, I feel better. Thanks for listening.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Ryan said...

Whatever happened to Fresca? Do they still make it? I remember going to my Grandmother's house when I was little and she'd ask us if we wanted soda, and when we said yes, she'd pull out the Fresca. Grandma, what the fuck?

Yes, they do Brad!! Moriya & myself found some at Wal-Mart in Jacksonville. Keep lookin'!

3:49 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Ryan, dude. The point was I didn't like Fresca. It's a vile beverage, rivaled only by Tab and Moxie>

7:58 PM  
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1:34 AM  

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