My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

This is why you can't take me anywhere...


Get the best of a side-by-side and bottom-freezer in one with a Maytag® Ice2O™ French Door bottom-freezer refrigerator! It's the first French Door with a water and ice dispenser on the outside. Plus it offers the most fresh food capacity inside (among leading brands of refrigerators.) Fresh food is at eye level with twin refrigerator doors that fit any kitchen design. ENERGY STAR-qualified for lower utility bills, the MFI2568 fits 24.9 cu. ft. of groceries. The electronic Quad-Cool system monitors temperatures in the fresh food compartment, freezer and outside the refrigerator, optimizing cooling automatically. The PuriClean® II filter provides great-tasting water and ice; the Elevator™ shelf makes room without unloading food, rolling up and down smoothly to accommodate tall items. The SmoothClose™ glide-out freezer drawer is easy to open and close. And for peace of mind, every Maytag® refrigerator is protected by the Maytag® Dependable Performance Warranty.

First French Door with filtered/external ice/water dispenser - purified ice and water at your fingertips

Largest fresh food capacity available among leading brands of refrigerators

Elevator™ shelf rolls up and down to accommodate tall items

Beverage Chiller™ compartment keeps drinks up to four degrees colder than the rest of the refrigerator

Wide-N-Fresh™ deli drawer - full-width temperature controlled drawer is great for storing snacks or deli trays

Electronic Quad-Cool system - four sensors monitor and adjust temperatures for dependable performance

Vacation Mode limits automatic defrosting when it's not needed, so freezer temperatures remain stable and energy is conserved

Temp Alarm features sounds alarm if temperatures rise to unacceptable levels

Door Ajar Alarm alerts you if fresh food or freezer door is left open for four minutes

MaxCool setting drops compartment temperatures to more quickly cool warm groceries that have been loaded into the refrigerator and freezer

ENERGY STAR qualified exceeds federal energy standards by 15%

QuietSeries 200 sound package - our quietest operating refrigerators

Electronic ice and water dispenser - purified ice and water are at your fingertips

PuriClean® II retractable water filter - our longest lasting water filter ever, with a one-year/750-gallon capacity

Adjustable Spill-Catcher™ shelves - sealed edges contain spills for quick and easy cleanup

Built-in door organizer holds cans, 20-ounce bottles and yogurt containers to keep your fridge in order

Look at that refrigerator. Will you look at that bad boy? I am drooling as we speak.

I want that refrigerator. I don't know why I want it. We don't need it. Our current refrigerator is a tad old, but it keeps everything cold. But this one is soooo sweet. It's got everything!

It's on display in our local Home Depot. Every time we're there, I have to stop and look at it. It is a thing of beauty. It is a work of art. It is the refrigerator of my dreams.

It is also $2500. The wife will not even entertain a discussion about it, except to tell me to get away from it. Once she even snapped at me for pestering her about it. And she rarely snaps.

(Gee, I haven't told the dog story yet, have I?)

She can't see spending that kind of money (that we can't afford) on a refrigerator. She has no vision!

Anyway, Mrs. Fab and I were in Home Depot last night after dinner, picking up some things for the big house redecoration, when our travels inevitably brought us by the major appliances and, of course, my beautiful fridge, which is prominently displayed, as if to tease me.

In a wordless display of my love and affection for the appliance, I proceeded to walk up to the refrigerator, caress it, and begin humping it. Right there in the middle of Home Depot. For all to see.

Any kind of love is beautiful love.

Mrs. Fab was not pleased. I believed she barked out my full moniker, middle name and all.

I stopped. You dont fool around when the middle name comes out. Especially when it's used right off the bat.

That's why you can't take me anywhere. I don't know why I do these things.

Help me.

25 Comments:

Blogger Lori said...

I would be humping it too!

7:31 AM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Oh boy she used your middle name right off the bat..not good not good at all!!
Now for the fridge that bad boy is my wet dream. I want that one sooo bad. Every time I see it I am droolin, making promises and deals to get it. but sadly it will be only in my dreams when they pull up and deliver it. Good luck getting yours!!

8:28 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Lori and Bead--THANK YOU. I am glad someone understands. It is odd, though, for a GUY to want a fridge so bad.

Pissy--No she wouldn't. The more time I spend on blogging the less time I'm annoying her!

9:07 AM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

that IS a nice fride...but HUMPING?!?!?

You'd better behave or Mrs. Fab is goona take your blog away from you! ;-)

9:09 AM  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

When the middle name is used - you know you are screwed.

besides - that fridge won't fit in my kitchen. Mr. Incredible had to cut apart cabinets to get the one we have to fit.

9:32 AM  
Blogger Nobody said...

My God, man! What the hell is the matter with you! First you jerked off in Taco Bell, now you are humping major appliances in The Home Depot. You are sick, sick I tell ya.

But back to the fridge. Here's what ya do. Wait for her birthday, and buy it for her as a gift. Kills two birds with one stone (but maybe you too), you get your fridge, and you don't have to shop for a gift! Works out great, doesn't it?

9:35 AM  
Blogger Trinette said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:03 AM  
Blogger Trinette said...

Humping a fridge? What kind of sicko are you?

Now, this duel-fuel, double-oven range is definitely humpable:

http://www.homedepot.com/cmc_upload/HDUS/EN_US/asset/images/eplus/719881143361_3.jpg

10:08 AM  
Blogger Ginnie said...

You gotta wait a year (can you?) till it's half that price. Like all big toys, wait till others get the kinks outta them and then BINGO, the price goes down. Will Mrs. Fab be impressed with your suffering and succumb a year from now?

10:18 AM  
Blogger Jozee said...

Beautiful fridge I want it too but my 1955 kitchen needs a complete gut before that bad boy would look right in there.
As for you humping it - I would've whipped out my cell cam to take your pic for my own blog or maybe in your wife's case to bring to work so she could show where babies don't come from.

If I had any other shopping to do I might have left you there to explain to security what you were doing while I finished my shopping.

Side note to Mr nobody you know - I don't think your bday tactic would work. My EX used to do that.

10:18 AM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

Here I thought no one would understand the fact that I stripped and mounted a GE Profile Washer/Dryer set.

Appliance lovers, unite! Embrace the love that is daring to speak its name!

11:47 AM  
Blogger June Cleaver's Revenge said...

Mr. Cleaver, who has not done a single load of laundry in the 21 years we've been married, mooned over this thing till I finally gave in and let him buy it.

Either Mrs. Fab needs to teach me how to be tougher, or Mr. Cleaver needs to teach you how to whine better.

1:11 PM  
Blogger June Cleaver's Revenge said...

P.S. Have you met Mrs. Berlin Wall?

1:15 PM  
Blogger Esereth said...

I'm having a really hard time holding on to that image I formed of you sitting in a tuxedo with Dorothy Parker and Alexander Woolcott at the Algonquin Round table trading witty bon mots over martinis.

Now it's mostly you laughing hysterically while masturbating in public.

Where did I get that first image, anyway?

1:40 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

That IS sweet. I'm a total cleaning product and kitchen appliance addict. I'm like a junkie.... so, I can feel your pain. That, is very sweet.

The only downside, is that you can not fit a turkey in these side by side jobs. I have a side by side and its very difficult. It can be done, but it takes maneuvering of the other shelves to accomplish it. They need to come up with extra wide fridges for people who cook large meals frequently, like me.

But then again - I could use three ovens, let alone a double one!

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Kentucky Girl said...

*tear* That fridge is a thing of beauty, man.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Fantasigirl--Yeah, bucking once the middle name is used is a bad career move!

Nobody--As far as birthdays, if I stray outside the jewelry/perfume/beauty care realm, I am treading on THIN ice

Trinette--It's nice, but I need a fridge to arouse me

Ginnie--Sadly no. She can be a tough nut to crack. I'm dreading when she gets her law degree...

Jozee--I am sure I can arrange to have a picture made and sent LOL

CP--YES! Someone who understands the forbidden love!

June-Clearly, Mr. Cleaver is gay. I am sorry I had to be the one to tell you.

Also, I read the link. WTF? LOL

Rebecca--Well, we fry turkey breasts, so that wouldn't be a problem for us. Three ovens! You are mad, girl!

KG--So you feel my pain? (sob)

5:08 PM  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

You might want to ask an accountant whether or not a purchase of that fridge would qualify for the $500 credit on your next year's tax return.:)

7:06 PM  
Anonymous Eric T. said...

It's big, large list of extras, not many others have it, and it looks cool. Thats all we need to know.
The why when it comes to things like this doesn't really matter. The fact that you don't need it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you want it because it is awesome! For the rest of the Home Depot fans, its kind of like when I walk through the power tool section and see the $2,000 diamond tip blade table saw. Do I need it? no. Will I use it? Most likely not. But I want it. I want to have that much power at my disposal.
I think its a male thing.
By the way, do you realize how many full sized turkeys that drawer can hold??? Oh YEAH!!!

7:26 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Buying any applicance as a birthday gift would put you on the luge ride to divorce court, I would imagine. Just make sure you get the fridge when the gear gets split.

Mrs. Faboo is very understanding. She was being very gentle only using the middle name. She would have been justified smacking you upside the head with her purse. She must really like you.

8:27 PM  
Blogger Belinda said...

OK--first of all, Alex and I went through some of the ugliest arguments of our marriage over this exact refrigerator. See, we HAD to get a new one when we moved. Had to. Couldn't afford it, but had to do it. He did not like the french-door design. (I KNOW, I KNOW. He's tetched in the head.) Plus, that extra grand pretty much put it smooth out of our league, since we couldn't really afford the $1500 of the one we wound up with.

So, we have a pretty, SS sateen Kenmore. Very nice. *sigh*

And then, there is the fact that MY HUSBAND WOULD TOTALLY HUMP A LARGE APPLIANCE IN PUBLIC. You two shall never meet. Unlike Mrs. Fab, though, *I* would have just kept walking, as if I didn't know who the lunatic was. And then possibly just driven away, at least for a while.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Indigo said...

I would be throwing it in your face if told you I just bought that same fridge 3 days ago.......



...... so I won't.

KIDDING, relax ..... geesh.




Mine was white.

10:34 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Esereth--You made me do a spit take with my Coke Zero!

Maven--It that possible? Hmmmm...

Eric--you need a 2K saw to cut up hitchikers and transients?

Dawn--Luckily she carries a small purse, which is ill suited for smacking :)

Belinda--Oh no, I think he and I *must* meet. And together we will create a force more powerful, annoying, and embarrassing than all who have gone before!

PG--You are lying. Which is good, because otherwise I would have to kill you...

4:04 AM  
Blogger Maidink said...

Mmmmmmm, stainless steel.

4:36 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

You sound a lot like The PK...;)

9:03 AM  

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