My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Monday, February 06, 2006

You gotta gotta fight for your right...

I'm thinking about having a party again. "Again" being a relative term. We haven't had a party in over a dozen years. Not since before we left Massachusetts.

It happens every couple of months. I start to think about how cool it would be to have a party. We used to throw awesome parties back in the 80's. Parties of legend. Parties of renown. The music played, the beer and liquor flowed, and it was hangovers all around the next morning.

It's been a long time since we threw a party. And that's the problem. I don't think I know how to throw a party anymore. What constituted a good party when I was 25 would just seem pathetic and inappropriate now.

That's one of the problems. Another is that I would agonize over the guest list. Who to invite, who not to invite? Most of the people I would invite would be from work, so the decisions about who to invite are fraught with pitfalls. How can I invite some people from a department or branch but not others? Will hard feelings result?

And now I live in a house, rather than an apartment. What about property damage? Drinks spilled, lamps knocked over, potted plants urinated in, windows broken, vomiting, fistfights, stains on the furniture...

Well, most of that probably wouldn't happen. Spills, though. Spills always happen.

And what of the liability? It used to be that we would provide all the alcohol. We had a little closet downstairs in our apartment in Sunderland that held shelves and shelves of liquor and beer. Can't do that these days. Can't have someone get drunk on alcohol we provide and then go out and drive their car into a busload of nuns. So it will have to be BYOB, which is fine.

But then what is the liability if they get drunk on their own liquor and leave our house drunk? Mrs. Fabulous thinks we're covered, but she is going to check the case law in Florida just the same.
So much to think about...

The problem is, the wife and I are not really adults. Maybe not having kids and spoiling ourselves for many years contributed to that. I mean, we can fake it when we have to...

Still and all, I think we're going to do it. Once the new patio is finished (electricity goes in Friday, we've got bids in on the tile, and we think we know which hot tub we want).

Then we've got to furnish it, get the gutters cleaned and extended, and get the spring landscaping done for the yard. We'll have to have the service come in for a MAJOR cleaning, and we'll have to get a window service in to clean all the glass (the patio has a lot of glass, and it extends very high up).

Then we'll be ready. Probably in April. That's plenty of time to neurotically obsess about all these details and so much more. Hmm...maybe in May.
And what do we do for food? Do we grill? Do we cook? Do we have it catered? And what about entertainment? Should we have games? What kind of games do people play anymore? I was actually thinking about renting an air hockey table and maybe a pinball machine, or something. The yard isn't really big enough for volleyball or badminton.

Ooh, how about karaoke? That might be a good activity. Is that a good idea? What do adults do at parties? I rarely attend social functions such as this because most people can't afford my hefty appearance fee.

Martinis? Smoking jackets? That might be too mature.

I'll think of something. But I'm pretty sure it's gonna happen.


Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

You've said the magic words. Hot tub. I'm so there.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Prairie Girl said...

What an absolutely zany piece of writing! The juxtaposition between those way-back-machine-party photos and your ridiculous (but lamentably believable) agonizations is over-the-top wonderful. (slap me, did I actually say juxtaposition? I sound soooo like an art critic :-)

1:47 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Dawn--I'll make sure you get an invite :)

PG--"Juxtaposition"---very nice! It's true, I really do agonize over these things. Just call me Mr. Neurotic.

5:58 PM  
Blogger Me said...

I'm loving your blog. I think I was at that party. Except I was the spooky chick sitting in the corner being snotty and cryptic with all those mullet headed guys.

8:31 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Are you in those pictures?!?!?

I want an invitation when you decide to have it. I'm not all that far away, ya know. :)

7:15 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

BP--You got it! It wouldn't be a party without you!

No, I'm not in any of them. I usually took the pictures at my parties. And then I would pass out.

7:32 PM  

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