My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

I'm back, baby!

Although the day started rather inauspiciously. As we locked up and prepared to head down to Plant City for the Strawberry festival, I walked down to the end of the driveway to retrieve the Sunday paper. Mrs. Fabulous offered to catch it, but I waived her off, confident that my manly physical prowess and unsurpassed athletic skills would enable me to fling it across the length of the driveway and onto the porch, where it would await our triumphant return.


My arc was a little high.

Mrs. Fab convulsed in laughter. And so did I. No one can laugh at me like me.

On to more important developments. While I may not have done well enough to reclaim my title as King of The Midway (I have a T-shirt from many years ago to prove that I held that position) I at least did well enough to be a prince. Or an arch duke.

The final tally was nine.



So I felt vindicated. I may have lost a step, but I've still got a few moves.

Bits and pieces from the fair:

  • As usual, I engaged in my usual sport of being obnoxious to carnies who I felt were obnoxious to me. All was fun and games until one wag offered to give me chance to trade the prize I had as I walking by him for a bigger one. I sweetly assure him that he didn't have anything that was as big as I did. At which point Mrs. Fab took me aside and quietly requested that I not antagonize the carnies, pointing out that there were a lot more of them than there were of us. So, being the good hubby that I am, I complied.
  • After a water gun game that I participated in was won by somebody else, the girlfriend of the winner gave the stuffed animal to one of the little girls who had played and lost. It was a very sweet gesture. I pointed out to Mrs. Fab that she had never made such a selfless gesture in all the times we'd been to a fair. She declared to me in no uncertain terms that she had suffered through an agonized adolescence, having to watch all the cheerleaders with stuffed animals that their football player boyfriends won for them. This was her time now, dammit. What could I say to that?
  • There was one moment that I wasn't proud of. After I was beaten at another water gun game, I muttered a decidedly ugly four letter word about the person who had won the game. Why did I feel bad? The winner was an eight year old girl. Sometimes I'm a little competitive. Luckily, I muttered it under my breath and no one else heard me.

Oh, I almost forgot, I shaved my head the other day. Actually, Mrs. Fabulous shaved it for me. I like it. More importantly, she likes it. And I've never worn an earring before, but she got me some for my birthday, and I wore one yesterday. It was magnetic. I can't get my ear pieced because men who work in the corporate office can't wear earings. I liked the way the earring looked, too.

OK, who will be the one to make the obvious joke?

It almost doesn't seem fair. Personality, charm, wit, and now a hot sexy new look (did you just throw up in your mouth a little?) I am too sexy for my shirt. In fact I am typing this barechested.

If only I had a couple of lemurs.

By the way, I haven't checked yet, but I'll be pretty upset if this blog doesn't come up first in Google when searching for "lemur sex orgy" or "sex with lemurs" or something similar.

I have not been able to figure out exactly how the lemurs would fit into the orgy. They are too big for any kind of insertion, I would think. Maybe the best we can hope for is to soak them in the WD-40 and let scamper around on our naked bodies.

I may not have thought this out very well. Why then, you might ask, would I want to include them at all?

Have you ever taken a good look at a lemur? They're hot!

The Sopranos return tonight. Life is good.

33 Comments:

Blogger Mike said...

Quite well ol' chap....maybe you can come along the next time I take Trish to the fair? You know, make up for my shortcomings. (The stuffed animals I mean dammit)

6:10 PM  
Blogger Ivy the Goober said...

Is that E.T. peeking out of your stash? I must enlarge the photo to check...

6:11 PM  
Blogger June Cleaver's Revenge said...

Earworm:

Mr. Fab gets rid of dirt and grime and grease in just a minute, Mr. Fab will clean your whole house and everything that's in it.

6:50 PM  
Blogger Sherry said...

LMAO!

That 8 year old was tough, huh?

6:55 PM  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

Oh yeah - the Sopranos are back... I have to go set the DVR...

Tink thinks that the pink one is cool...(this coming from a girl who has every single stuffed animal every made)... Mrs. Fab is pretty lucky that you are so good at the games!

7:08 PM  
Blogger Spider Walk said...

LMAO!! I am so glad I found your blog. I love reading ya.

I like to mess with the carnies too...and they are usually easily bribed with an offer of a free smoke, or some spare change. I used to have stuffed animals ceiling high...I kid you not :)

Glad you enjoyed your day with the missus.

I pity the Lemurs though.

10:13 PM  
Blogger Nobody said...

Careful with those carnies. My wife had a cousin that was murdered by a carnie.

The Sopranos was awesome. I cannot wait for next Sunday night! Big Love might be worth a second look, but so far I'm not impressed with it, it's moving pretty slow.

10:35 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Would Mrs. Fab be willing to part with that pink flamingo????

It's pretty cute and since I'm all about the pink and she has soooooo many others..... ;-)

Glad you had such a great day.

Post a picture of you with your newly bald head ~and wear the earring!

11:24 PM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

Lemur are hot???MMMM.... Personally I really prefer racoons!Yep... I WANT THE WHITE BEAR WITH THE LITTLE SLIPPERS... Huhum...

11:26 PM  
Anonymous dreamwalker said...

You obviously didn't win nine (wow!) stuffed toys by throwing things at targets, I mean if you can't hit a porch?! I know, it was the distance...

I'm glad you both had a great time :)

1:40 AM  
Anonymous Eric T said...

Call Boston! See if they have one more spot on the 40-man!

Glad to hear the bald look was approved by Mrs. Fab. I told you she might like it. Now, the next time you have to do it yourself. HA HA HA I'd pay to see that the first time. I hear that women like bald guys.....now if I could find just a few more of them......

1:58 AM  
Anonymous Belle said...

Fab, I found you a Lemur that likes bald-headed men who wear earrings. Of course it's a stuffed animal I won at a carnival once but still...

I fell asleep waiting for The Sopranos to start,lol! It was about a minute away and the next thing I saw was 3-something am on my clock!

5:35 AM  
Blogger Zombie_Flyboy said...

I too have battled the horrible carny people and their evil carny ways.

Good for you. Stick it to them!

5:59 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Mike--I'll be happy to help you compensate!

Ivy--You must be looking at one of the turtles :)

June--Mr. Fab does not touvh grease and grime. Never, ever. LOL

Sherry--You have NO idea!

Fantasigirl--I will have to post a picture of all her stuffed animals. It's wild!

Spider Walk--Thanks for coming by! Really? That's all I need to do? Just bring a couple of cartons of Luckys with me? It'd be cheaper in the long run!

Nobody--You betcha! My jaw dropped at the end!

Pissy--I'll check with the wife about the bird. And work on the picture, promise!

MP--I'll ask her about the bear, too! LOL

Dreamwalker--I think I tore my rotator cuff on that throw!

Eric--Dude, I keep telling you I can fix you up! Just say the word!

Belle--that wild lifestyle you lead is catching up with you!

Zombie--Take no prisoners!

7:37 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I am so jealous! This is yet another year The PK and I will not make it to The Strawberry Festival!!!

Ah well, at least I don't miss those carnies! They drive The PK nuts!!!!

Glad you won some goodies! Now I think we need a picture of the new "do and the earring! :)

9:18 AM  
Blogger Serra said...

Try using variants on the spelling of Lemur...also perhaps the phrase "oiled lemur humping" might aid you?

Oh, and you should have mail--let me know if you don't.

9:34 AM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Bald guy with earring that thinks lemurs are hot gets beat by a 8 yr old!!! great way to spend the weekend. :P

oh yeah my blog comes up in searches for bg free sex, mud sex.

10:10 AM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

Fab,
I have to say: watch out for those carnies! Big John the Hair Wizard hangs out with a bunch every February in Florida, and it's eeiry!

Lemures: yeah, it's all fun and games until the itching a burning starts.

And no earrings? That sounds like facsism to me. WTF?

10:23 AM  
Blogger Jozee said...

Leapin' lemurs have you been watching Zaboomafoo? Prob not unless you're really bored. PBS show with lemur kept by the Kratt Bros. They've probably got some really good lemur ideas for you.

Wish we were having a strawberry festival because it would mean it were June here.

Glad you made it out alive and with loot! Those carnies can be rough.

One kept me and a girlfriend captive on the ferris wheel once at the Cummington fair. He lashed us with a toy whip every time we passed the bottom then he sent us up to the top to rock.

I have all the luck with guys .They pick the darndest ways to show me that they like me.

Hope you got your paper down okay.

Oh yeah, if you can get a month off from work you can pierce your ear for real. It would only take that long to heal and you could leave your earring out for work.

Hope Mrs Fab doesn't kill me for saying that!

10:31 AM  
Blogger CP said...

Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean.


*ahem* I checked google. You are going to be sad. This is what I discovered:

Madagascar the Movie is first with wonderful quotes like this one:

"But once on the island, the displaced four fall into a lemur orgy, get chased by a pack of ravenous fossa..."

How can you compete with that? *L*

Next? An ad for a T-shirt that says:

"LEMUR ORGY!"

I'm certain you will be purchasing that one any given day. Actually, I will buy it for you as a belated birthday gift.

And third:

A website called Randomjane leaves us with this lemur quote.

"It’s a lemur, and it’s a purse. It’s not a formerly living and breathing lemur, ... I’m making daiquiris for an orgy. Thirsty work, orgies, and strawberry ..."

I am officially afraid of Randomjane. I will stay here, Mr. Fab, where the lemurs are gentle and know it is my first time.

CP.

11:53 AM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

Great. Now every time i think of you, I'll ALSO think of hot, shaved lemur sex.

You know, those little ring-tails ARE alluring.

1:32 PM  
Blogger kari said...

Those are some kick-ass prizes! I never win. :(

2:26 PM  
Blogger cherish said...

OMG I am laughing so hard at the newspaper. That is too funny. How did you get it down?

WOW you sure won a lot of stuffed animals. Sounds like you had a great time.

Ummm no comment on the lemurs, lol.

2:29 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

All I can think of with the lemur sex thing is the movie Madagascar and that song! (for those of you who don't watch kiddie movies, it is sung by lemurs and incredibly catchy)

"He likes to move it move it, MOOOOOVE it!"

2:50 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

I LOVE the shot of the newspaper. And Sopranos ROCKED.

3:47 PM  
Blogger Ms. M said...

Fab! You've turned into a pirate! You're gonna make Billy jealous with your hot, sexy, new look!

4:05 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Stacy--Ask and ye shall receive! I'll be posting a picture on Tuesday :)

Serra--I got the email. Now you have some :)

Bead--Mud sex? Why am I not surprised?

Anne--I know! The employee handbook says men can wear one, but my boss has made it clea that his direct reports can wear NONE

Jozee--There is a lemur show? Whoo-hoo!

What Strawberry Festival? All I remember is the Three County Fair...

CP (the other one)--I never saw or thought of "Madacascar"

Damn it!

CP--You SHAVE your lemurs? Kinky!

Kari--Well, believe me, I played a LOT more than 9 games to win those 9 animals!

Cherish--I got it down with a really long rake :)

Eric--More Madacascar rubbing in...thanks! LOL

Tutone--It WAS awesome, wasn't it?

Ms. M--I want to be just like Billy when I grow up!

7:26 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

What did you think of the Sopranos???? ;)

10:03 PM  
Blogger Belinda said...

Well, the Sopranos returned, but...meh.

10:18 PM  
Blogger Belinda said...

Oh, and...can you send me a sound file of you saying "Arrrrrrr!" ?

10:19 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Rebecca--I thought it was GREAT! It was worth the wait!

Belinda--Meh? Really? Come on, girl!

A sound file? OK. I think I have a mic here somewhere...

10:43 PM  
Blogger Billy said...

Dude, I didn't see you there! We went all day and saw the Trace Adkins and Big & Rich shows. That place was packed Sunday.

Me thinks the Mr. Clean jokes are funny as hell.

9:41 AM  
Blogger Clo said...

Hey! I made some research about the lemurs! Did you know it is the only animal who have a tail longer than its body? :O)))))))))))))
You bet it's erotic!
Oh, and I found some pics too, just go there and you'll see some sexy hot lemurs...

7:37 PM  

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