My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

No big deal...

Well, I had my facial and massage yesterday afternoon. First time for both.

Eh.

I don't know what I expected, but I guess it was kind of a let down. It was nice, but...that's about it. I never knew what all the fuss was about, and I still don't.

My face does not feel the cleanest it ever has, or rejuvenated, or whatever it is supposed to feel like. And I didn't feel a bit more relaxed coming out than I did going in.

I felt maybe...slightly different and definately greasier.

Maybe my expectations were too high. I didn't really have any expectations about the facial, but the way Mrs. Fab and others carry on about massages, I anticipated walking out of there all loosey goosey and mellow and just all...liquid and languid, like Mrs. Fabulous is when she gets back from her massages.

Didn't happen. It was just...OK. I don't see the point of getting another one. Well, not a legitimate one anyway.

Maybe I just couldn't relax. I know you're supposed to let yourself go during a massage but I kept thinking about two things:

1. Work
2. Making sure "it" didn't move when she was working "down there".

I couldn't help it. So maybe on some level that kept me from getting as much out of it as I could. But on the other hand, it's more physical than mental, right? So...

When Mrs. Fab came home and I gave her the news, she was dumbfounded, and promptly declared there was obviously something wrong with me.

Someone, I think it was Dawn, had said that the massage would be on a par with the best sex I have ever had.

I certainly wouldn't compare it to the best sex I ever had. I might compare it to those afternoons I go down to Depot Avenue to get a little lipstick on my dipstick from one of street hookers.

That felt about the same.

Slightly different and definately greasier.

33 Comments:

Blogger Trinette said...

There is something wrong with you. Maybe 2 or 3 somethings.

6:32 AM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

WWWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Sorry, a spasm!

7:19 AM  
Blogger Sherry said...

Maybe, just maybe it wasn't you.
Maybe you just got a so-so massage.
Maybe you are normal.
Nah... Nevermind.
ehehehhe

7:39 AM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

I've never had a massge...too ticklish!

but I looooveeee a facial!

sorry it wasn't what you expected :(

8:07 AM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

I would of said to the woman "Is that the best you can do?"

8:21 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Well...that's some comparison you laid out for us.

8:46 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I sent The PK for one of those massages and he said the same thing...only he was more afraid he'd fart from being so relaxed.

Still cracks me up when I think about it...but I'm weird that way. :)

9:54 AM  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

I think you should try again with someone different....maybe he/she will be better.

10:07 AM  
Blogger June Cleaver's Revenge said...

I hate massages! It feels seriously creepy and weird to let some stranger rub on me for an hour.

I don't like facials, either. I always come home and wash my face afterwards.

10:48 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Well, you just talked me out of getting a massage..yeah, I mean a legitimate one too.

11:27 AM  
Blogger Mimi said...

My hubby loves pedicures, massages, and facials (he doesn't get them often though). Now if I could just get him to put on clean clothes I would be happy!

11:38 AM  
Blogger Ex-Addict said...

My husband hasn't had a facial, but he loves a massage. You should go to a place & do a couples massage with your wife. And NOT one of the places you go on Depot Avenue!

11:54 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Trinette--That's what the experts say...

MP--Another one? :)

Sherry--Me, normal? Please!

Pissy--I figured you for a massage freak--you need to relax up there in hell!

Beady--Then she might have hurt me!

Mike--I find it best to be clear about these things!

Stacy--That crossed my mind too!

Fantastigirl--Nah, I think that's it for me...

Mike--Yeah, like you'd ever get a legitimate one...

Mimi--He does all that, and then wears dirty clothes?

Ex--But on Depot Ave. everyone knows my name! It's like Cheers!

12:33 PM  
Blogger Ginnie said...

Hmmm. As a massage therapist, I agree with whoever said it might not have been YOU! The role of the MT is to aid in the relaxation experience by reading your body language. But as a first experience, it's definitely easier to be in your head about the whole thing because you really don't know what to expect. I sure hope your MT was certified/licensed?

12:40 PM  
Blogger Billy said...

Feeling for ya Fab, maybe you should check out one of those oriental massage places...I hear they guarantee a happy ending.

3:00 PM  
Blogger CanadianSwiss said...

Not everybody can "take" a massage. Not that there's anything wrong with you, but maybe you just can't be touched by just anybody. A lot of people have that. Don't worry. Everybody experiences it differently.

4:48 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Ginnie--Yes, she was licensed. I guess it was me...

Billy--I am sure you can recommend a few :)

CanadianSwiss--Hmm..I always thought it was universal. Live and learn!

5:45 PM  
Blogger Plunky said...

Ok, I felt the SAME way about my first massage, except i wasn't worried about "it" moving because well, i don't have an "it". I DID however have a hot male massuse which did not make me relax either. Anyway, what I am saying is, you need to try it just one more time. Just one.

6:55 PM  
Blogger Nobody said...

Am I the only one snickering about people saying they love getting a facial?

I'll try to get my mind out of the gutter...

7:17 PM  
Blogger cherish said...

AWWW sorry it was a disappointment. I bought my husband a massage for Christmas last year and he was also disappointed. He said the lady was not strong enough to give him a good massage and it was a waste of money.

9:34 PM  
Blogger CP said...

I will tell you this. I completely agree with you about massages/facials. And I agree with the comment about sex. But, I also firmly believe that your FIRST massage/facial is like your FIRST sex act. It is different. It may be a little cool. You sure as hell don't know what to expect. And, it NEVER lives up to what everyone else has been saying about it. However, now that I have regular facials/massages...I can tell you that it is NOT like the best sex I have ever had. I would say it was like the best sex I ever had while laying there and doing nothing.

The best sex I ever have definately leaves me anything BUT relaxed. Heh. And the best facial I ever had, well, that was like the best porn I ever watched.

Oh, not that kind of facial? Well, they are both pleasant.

And greasy.

CP.

word ver:fxgonfck

Effects gone fuck? Love it!

10:10 PM  
Anonymous Shannon said...

Mr. Fab - Should I be afraid of the mental picuture here, or was that just implied?
Funny as hell, though.

10:22 PM  
Anonymous dreamwalker said...

We have a lady who pops in at work every Thursday afternoon for those of us who want a twenty minute upper body massage. I find it incredibly relaxing. With a partial massage you wouldn't have to worry about unruly members spoiling your fun:)

Perhaps you need a masseuse with more strength?

10:39 PM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

You are a very twisted man.

That is part of your charm.

*smooches*

11:45 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

I demand a retraction! I said it would leave you with a look on your face similar to one after the best sex you've ever had. Just the look. On your face. Sheesh! Whaddya take me for? Queen Victoria?

I agree with the suggestions to try a different masseuse or maybe a different style of massage. (As in Shiatzu as opposed to Swedish, NOT Lipstick on the Dipstick).

Best sex, indeed. Grumble, mumble...

12:00 AM  
Blogger Clo said...

LOL!

You definitively should had take the extra!

12:52 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Deb LA--Hmm..maybe that's what I need, a hot guy...

Nobody--Pervert :)

Cherish--Maybe that's it. Maybe I need someone stronger.

CP--I can't picture you ever just laying there LOL

Shannon--Whatever you are most comfortable with :)

Dreamwalker--"Unruly members" LOL

Anne--Thanks for noticing! :)

Dawn--Now I'm gonna have to go back and look that up...

Clo--You crazy, girl! :)

5:29 AM  
Blogger Belinda said...

I think you got a bad massage. Yes, they leave you greasy, but man, I'd trade a good one for sex ANY day. And I mean GOOD sex.

My only concern has ever been, "Don't get so relaxed that you fart. It's a quiet room, and you'll never recover."

6:19 AM  
Blogger The Tart said...

Very fun-knee!

Long ago I was leaving the infamous Estee Lauder SPA & out walks friend's hubby. He was shocked, I was shocked... to the side he tells me that wife, treated him to SPA... like most men, he confessed that he was try'in to keep IT under control. So funny! ; )

Great post!

Smooch,
The Tart

9:21 AM  
Blogger zhadi said...

Hmmm...my first suggestion would be try getting a masseuse/masseur that you had absolutely NO physical reaction to so that things would stay still when they were working 'down there.' So coy a euphemism for the same guy who talks about lipstick on the dipstick, btw...

And...I have to ask...does Mrs. Fab have a blog? I really wanna read her side of life...

12:18 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Jody--They have a mind of their own!

Zhadi--No, she doesn't. When she comes home she wastes her time on a far more frivolous project: law school LOL

Maybe I should have her do a guest post once in a while, though, if she's willing...

12:58 PM  
Anonymous dreamwalker said...

Working and studying is not easy, I know!! It would be great if she would occasionally chip in though :)

3:49 PM  
Blogger marty said...

This sounds very metrosexual.

10:31 PM  

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