My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Ours is a mixed marriage...

Here is a cautionary tale for those of you who say "Oh, Mrs. Fab is so lucky..."

I have mentioned before that I am a morning person and she is not. And since I am (mostly) off work this week, I have had even more energy than usual.

So, picture this: 7:30 AM today and Mrs. Fabulous comes stumbling into the kitchen groggy and bleary-eyed to find her middle aged husband dancing around the counter while The Donnas blare from the den, as I make us sandwiches for lunch.

She's fumbling about the kitchen, trying to make toast, as I am cleaning the top of the refrigerator, starting a new load in the dishwasher, putting in a couple of new fluorescent lights, admonishing her not to spill crumbs on the kitchen counter I just cleaned...

And then, as she tries to eat her breakfast and read her funnies, come the questions:

"Now that we've moved the plants to the patio, I think we should put the leaf back in the dining room table. What do you think? Do you want me to do that?"

"Where is the dry cleaning ticket? Do you have it? I need to pick it up today, I have that Chamber thing tonight."

"Which maid service do we have, Mini or Merry? I need to move their date. Who is my car financed with? I want to see what the payoff is to see if we can trade. What's the name of that spa? Utopia? Do you want me to call the bank today?"

I can feel everyone of you who is not a morning person shuddering right now.

Oh yeah. She's on cloud nine.

36 Comments:

Blogger Amber said...

The reason I am commenting so early in the morning is because it takes me a while to join the land of the living, so I sometimes check the blogs while I'm adjusting to the ridiculous concept of "getting up". Mrs. Fab has my sympathies, as I would have thrown the toaster at your head. You'd be fine, of course, because it's hard to aim properly with only one eye open.

8:47 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

It's a wonder you didn't get a face full of buttered toast!!!

Guess The PK and I are lucky...we're pretty much both morning people.

But I'm with Mrs. Fab...don't mess with me when I'm reading my funnnies! :)

9:02 AM  
Blogger Sherry said...

UGH...
I always thought I was a morning person.
But come to find out, I'm not.
I wake early but I require at least a hour of 'quiet time' before everyone else should speak to me.
Of course, I can't always get it but it is nice when I do.

9:03 AM  
Blogger Spider Walk said...

I so HATE mornings. I feel for your wife. Poor girl!

9:07 AM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Morning person here cause I would of beat you at all the stuff you did. haahaa!!

9:11 AM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

I, too, am a dreaded Morning Person. But I stay that way all day, too. That means that there are certain men that should run screaming when they meet me.

9:39 AM  
Anonymous Miss Ann Thrope said...

I have a frozen Eggo and I'm not afraid to use it.

9:55 AM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

You are living the American Dream, my dear.... ;o) Love is to evercome all those little things!

10:04 AM  
Blogger June Cleaver's Revenge said...

If she had stabbed you? And I were on the jury? I'd have voted to acquit her on the ground of you needed killing.

10:40 AM  
Blogger Trinette said...

Just had this conversation with someone else yesterday. I used to be a morning person. As in "get up at 3:00 because I'm done sleeping" morning person. Full of energy and ready to go.

Now, not so much. I still get up around 5:00, but it takes me an hour or two to get going.

10:53 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

I'm a niteowl myself....I bitch and moan every time my boss schedules me to work in the morning.

11:04 AM  
Blogger speckledpup said...

Mr. Fab is so lucky he's not married to me or I would have bopped you on the head already.

Since you have so much energy will you come and clean my car? It's a pit

11:06 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Amber--You better not throw the toaster--it's brand new!

Stacy--Her whole morning routine revolves around those funnies!

Sherry/Spider Walk/Beady--But mornings are the BEST time of the day!

Saur--I try, but the day usually drags me down at some point...

Miss Ann Thrope--You are all talk :)

MP--What is the Canadian Dream?

June--Now that I know that, I will make sure you are excluded from the jury...

Trinette--I am not alwaus quite so bouncy. Must be because I didn't have to go to work.

Mike--I used to be, but those days are long gone...

Pup--How bad can it be? What are you doing in it?

11:47 AM  
Blogger FreedomGirl said...

The Donnas would have been the ONLY thing saving you at my house!

12:10 PM  
Anonymous dreamwalker said...

No one else in my family is a morning person, so I have learnt to tiptoe around the monosyllabic morning-zombie crowd.

Day/night person needing little sleep here :)

1:08 PM  
Anonymous Jenny said...

Mr.F, I have nooooo idea what kinda drug you're on, but I'd like some, too. Actually, if Mrs.F were smart she'd just pop some ear plugs in and let you go on your VERY PRODUCTIVE way.

1:46 PM  
Blogger CP said...

I had to stop my hand from twitching. I literally wanted to slap the monitor.

*tears up my bus schedule*

She can keep your happy morning ass.

CP.

2:31 PM  
Anonymous Shannon said...

Mrs. Fab will break eventually and poison your toothpaste. Best to get your affairs in order now. Oh, and make sure that you trade the car for something she likes - she'll be driving it anyway.

3:28 PM  
Blogger Ask Your Psychic Fiend said...

I'd have injured your reproductive capabilities if you'd come at me with that stuff in the morning before I've had coffee.

I still don't know why I allow my MIL to live, since she has no respect of anyone's boundaries and cannot shut the f*ck up to save her soul in the mornings.

3:28 PM  
Blogger Ex-Addict said...

Please tell me you are kidding about the cooking, cleaning & laundry part. If that is true, I am sending my husband your way for lessons. Again, Mrs. Fab is very, very lucky!

4:39 PM  
Blogger Daedalus said...

I can feel everyone of you who is not a morning person shuddering right now.

I'm in a bad mood now just thinking about it.

5:23 PM  
Blogger Dixie said...

Is there more than one 7:30 per day?

5:57 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

OH Fab, I KNOW how she feels! My daughter is a chatterbox in the mornings DRIVES me crazy! I need at least an hour of silence, more if I can get it and then the ONLY voices I wanna hear is Katie Couric or Matt Lauer. They are like Ms Fab's funnies to me. Dont mess with Katie and Matt time.

6:24 PM  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

You do laundry? hmmmm...do you give classes?

7:27 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Freedom Girl--You have good taste!

Dreamwalker--It is fun to walk among the zombies!

Jenny--I just get high on life!

Shannon--What makes you think I use toothpaste? I brush with cottage cheese.

YPF--I assume you are talking about kicking in the groin area. I usually pay extra for that. Do your worst :)

Ex--Did I say I could do all that?

Daedalus--Turn that frown upside down!

Dixie--Not in Germany!

Mel--Matt is soooo dreamy....

Fantastigirl--I thought your superhero outfit was wash and wear...

8:01 PM  
Blogger marty said...

I'm not a morning person but since I operate in a different time zone I can pass for one sometimes.

I hope my new meds come soon.

10:23 PM  
Blogger Ocean said...

I'll have to agree with alot of the other posters here. Morning person or Not. You come at me with those kind of questions first thing in the morning before I'm good and awake. Ohhhh yeah that could be dangerous.

11:14 PM  
Blogger Clo said...

Memories... memories... sweet memories! Thank you Mr. Fab for that!

OK! Here's a story: at the beginning of our relationship, my husband was singing a song that I had never heard. The reason was that it was a country one and it's not really my style. There was that radio in Québec where there was only contry music.

So one day, he decided to call the guy at the radio and ask for that song, but just to be sure he was going to put it, he decided to tell a "little" lie to the guy.

So it was very early in the morning: 6:30! I was in bed and I heard him asking for something... Then, he put the radio much louder and I heard: "So now, just for Clo, it's from Jacques,... and well, Clo does a very special job: She's a truck driver! Ain't that funny! So for Clo, the truck driver, here's..."

6:30!... a country song... for me... Clo... the truck driver...

Believe me Mr. Fabulous, Mrs Fab is deaply in love with you...

12:11 AM  
Anonymous Kentucky Girl said...

WTF? Is this my husband's blog? *looks around cautiously*

Can I just say that if that had been my husband, he'd be DEAD right now.

The other day he made the mistake of "yelling" me awake by shaking me and saying my name TOO FREAKING LOUD for the morning. He nearly lost his life and has since been warned that if he does so again, that I'm packing up his junk and he's moving out.

:-|

2:43 AM  
Blogger Chelle said...

OMG you remind me of my husband. When he gets like that in the mornings I want so bad to just plow him!! LOL I am NOT a morning person and I just cant' hendle people throwing questions at me. Mrs. Fab is a better woman than I....unless of course you didnt tell use that the beat you with a stick so you would be quiet!! LOL

ANd btw.,...great job on the chores! You rock :)

2:44 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Marty--I think we ALL hope your new meds come soon :)

Ocean: And that is why I wear a cup in the morning!

Clo--Well, either she is deeply in love with me, or doesn't want to have to break in someone new at this stage of the game!

Kentucky Girl--Well, at least I usually wake her up carefully. Waking Mrs. Fab up is a lot like handling nitro. You have to be VERY careful...

Chelle--But wouldn't the tradeoff be worth it? If you like the idea of me doing the chores so much, wouldn't you put up with the cheerfulness?

5:07 AM  
Blogger Pamela J Weatherill said...

Too much energy for me ... I'm going to bed ...!

8:07 AM  
Blogger Ginnie said...

I had to LOL at this one, Brad, because it made me wonder if most households have opposites like this. I'm (you guessed it) a bounce-out-of-bed person and, as DW said, I have to tiptoe around Donica. Guess it makes the world go 'round!

1:46 PM  
Anonymous smluke said...

This morning my honey (the morning person) came in before he left work to plant sweet kisses on my cheeks, eyes and lips. I was still sleeping.

I seriously slugged him. Hard. Bam, right in the side of the head. Don't fuck with Mrs. Fab too much in the morning, or you'll have it coming to you too.

3:29 PM  
Blogger Me said...

Now see, often I have said, "MR. Fab is lucky."
Lucky that Mrs. Fab puts up with him. But NEVER have I said MRS Fab is lucky. Mrs Fab is a saint. Does she know about your gallavanting around town with pirates and college girls? She does? She was there? Oh, good then.

1:51 AM  
Blogger zhadi said...

Of course she's on Cloud Nine. It's the only place she can go to escape you in the mornings...

11:28 AM  

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