My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Still trying to come to terms...

I think I'm ready to talk about this now. I feel you and I have grown quite close, and I can confide in you guys and seek your wisdom and guidance in this matter. I am experiencing one of those moments in a marriage where you are forced to stop an re-evaluate everything you thought you knew about your spouse and your life.

Mrs. Fabulous shook me up the other day, with a startling admission. And she dropped it into the conversation casually, almost cruelly. We have been together a long time and I never had a clue. They say the husband is always the last to know. I couldn't believe that this had been going on in my house, under my nose, for so many years.

It's still hard to talk about. But I think talking about it will be therapeutic.

*Deep breath*

She showers in the dark.

Apparently every morning after I wake her up, she stumbles into the bathroom, closes the door, and showers in the dark. She doesn't turn the light on until after the shower is done. She feels that she must ease into the day gradually, and that showering with the lights on is far too harsh a way to usher in a new morning.

Has anyone else ever heard of this? Should I be worried? Do I need to take her to a doctor?

I feel so betrayed.


Blogger Fantastagirl said...

If she is up before 5:00 AM ... I understand - that is just too early.

7:58 AM  
Blogger Adam said...

That's strange. She could slip on an unseen rubber duck, lurking in the darkness waiting to injure her.

8:34 AM  
Blogger Marie said...

LOL! I was expecting something entirely different in your revelation. ;) I honestly don't know how she would be able to shower in the dark. I'd be tripping and falling all over myself, the shampoo bottles, etc.

9:52 AM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

The last time I showered in the dark the kiddos decided to play a trick on mom. We will not discuss it. LOL

5 a.m. is way to early for lights.

Oh yeah party at my blog today! :)

10:08 AM  
Blogger speckledpup said...

absolutely the only way to find out is for you to get out of bed and shower in the dark WITH her.....

sounds yummy

10:12 AM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

What shocks me the most is that you never knew this before! ;-)

10:29 AM  
Blogger June Cleaver's Revenge said...

I can completely understand needing to ease into wakefulness (I think it's pretty good thinking), but how does she see to shave her legs?

When I take a shower in my daughter's bathroom, I always turn out the light. We live in a very old house and the bathrooms were added 30 years or so after the house was built, where ever they could fit them. Her tub is in front of a huge window at the front of our house -- and we live in town so there are lots of people going by. Even though there is a shower curtain, a frosted glass pane on the window, and a wooden shutter, I get paranoid that someone can see me showering, so no light. There's a transom over the door though so light comes in from the hall and it's not pitch black.

10:50 AM  
Blogger KB said...

To be honest--I tried it once, but it didn't work out.

How in the hell does she find all of her stuff!?!

I had soap in my eyes & visions of spiders coming down from the ceiling. I had to turn on the lights!

Have I ever mentioned that I f'ing HATE spiders? I am paralyzed with fear when I encounter one.

Just thinking about them gives me the heebie jeebies. YUCK.

11:12 AM  
Blogger Trinette said...

I can't do total darkness, but candlelight is nice.

11:52 AM  
Blogger sari said...

You know, this has nothing to do with your post but I think "drivelmetimbers" is just pretty darn funny.

Just thought I'd share.

12:42 PM  
Blogger Me said...

I think that's a Fabulous idea. Why didn't I think of that? What's sad is that if you had spent less time humping appliances and more time with Mrs Fab you would have engaged in Fabulous shower sex and discovered this about her. All right, I'll quit harping about the fridge.

1:42 PM  
Anonymous Duh-mension said...

Maybe it's a girl thing. No-light's a new trend.

3:21 PM  
Blogger Ms. M said...

Forget soap in the eyes! How does she see to groom her hoohah with a razor?? OUCH is an understatement. I'd have to wrap up the cooter in layes of gauze!

4:10 PM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

Uh -- I do that, too. Really. It's just easier to wash everything with your eyes closed, and slowly wake up in the warm, steamy shower, and THEN turn on the lights, rather than a cold, tiled, brightly lit bathroom, where you can SEE all of your rolls, hairs, scars and stretchmarks, first thing before you've braced yourslef and girded your loins for a new day.

6:31 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Fantastigirl--I don't think Mrs. Fab KNOWS there is a 5 AM. She always gets up at 7:15.

Adam--Exactly! If the ducks want to plot her downfall, what can stop them?

marie--I would think so too. She must have night vision...

Bead--Oh, no, we must know what the trick is!

Pup--Good idea!

Pissy--The door is always closed! Who knew?

June--I am not supposed to say anything, but someone CAN see you..

You might want to get that mole checked out.

KB--Spiders, huh? Hmm....April Fools Day is coming up....

Trinteet--For a bath yes, but a shower?

Sari--Thanks, it was all I could think of!

Meredith--Why do you begrudge me the fridge? Why oh why? :)

Duh-mension--A new fad is born!

Ms. M--I can always count on you to cutting to the heart of the matter!

CP--Scars? Teaching is more dangerous that I thought!

6:47 PM  
Blogger T said...

I have to admit... I do this all the time. If you leave the door just a bit ajar, or light a candle- even better... there is nothing more relaxing than taking a shower in the dark first thing in the morning. But Mr. Fab... I am so disappointed in you... your not knowing means you haven't done a "how you doin'" to MRs. Fab while she's in the shower. That "hey want some company- lets go to work late today" move. My image of you is shattered. ;)

7:26 PM  
Blogger Dixie said...

I don't turn on the light myself but I don't close the door either so some light comes in. The idea of showering with the bathroom door closed freaks me out. I can't stand all that built up steam.

Oh...and that Sari chick who commented here? Good friend of mine. She's fab, Mr. Fab.

7:30 PM  
Blogger CP said...

Okay, I admit it. I am your wife. *L* I shower in the dark all the time. Has nothing to do with body image, I love mine and all. And it doesn't have anything to do with easing into daylight for me...though, I like her way of thinking. I shower in the dark any time of day. I like it. It reminds me of a rainstorm and the darkness. It makes me close my eyes and drift off. When I know I have to be somewhere fast, I will shower with the lights on. I hate it, but I will. But, with the lights off, I tend to take longer, linger a bit more, focus on the senses around me, the fragrances, the way the water feels. To me, it's a luxury. And, if the hotband happens to step in, I am the FIRST ONE to flip on the lights for him.

He prefers a nice sunshower.

So long as there are no golden showers, it's all good with me.


8:40 PM  
Blogger threecollie said...

Um, I shower in the dark too actually, at least some of the time. There are certain hours of the day when it actually hurts to turn a light on you know

9:14 PM  
Blogger Nobody said...

I shower naked, but never in the dark. Even when we had the sheer curtains that the neighbors could see through (which I did not realize until they waved at my one day as I was stepping out of the shower).

10:10 PM  
Blogger Chelle said...

And HOW long have you been married again?? LOL I have to say...I have NEVER heard of that before...hmmm I would probably use face wash for shampoo and vice Would not be But hey...if she likes it, then more power to her :)

10:55 PM  
Anonymous Kentucky Girl said...

Heh. I do the same thing. :D I also have a dimmer switch on the bathroom lights so I can ease into it. I'm sooooo much not a morning person. By the time my hair is dry, the lights are nearly fully on so I can see to apply the lipstick and mascara.

3:19 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

T--As much as I love Mrs. Fab, I can't go to work late. My work ethic is too strong :)

Dixie--So I guess you are not much of a sauna girl, eh? :)

CP--But that's the best place for golden showers! LOL

ThreeCollie--But you're a farmer, you're supposed to be a morning person!

Nobody--It's nice that you are close to your neighbors like that!

Chelle--Oh absolutely, whatever makes her happy, I'm no fool!

KentuckyGurl--Geez, I guess it's more popular than I thought. Wait, they have running water in Kentucky? :)

5:09 AM  
Blogger Maidink said...

I could never shower in the dark. My luck, I'd fall asleep and drown.

8:44 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Maidink--That could be a problem!

10:44 AM  
Blogger Clo said...

If what you tell us is true, her confession looks like an invitation to me. She probably have something to teach you, so go on! Don't miss that occasion, and please, put the f... doctor in the closet!

4:02 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Clo--LOL. What is an f... doctor?

8:24 PM  
Blogger Clo said...

It is not a freudian doctor, more like a sh... doctor!

8:44 PM  
Blogger Belinda said...

I will never quit about the refrigerator.

And I am with The Wife (big surprise). Mornings are just harsh. My husband with his Alarm Clock of Cruelty and the blinding light--you never heard such hissing outside of a vampire nest. Me no likey. And The Daughter is the same. Cracks us up to see her cover her head and burrow up under her covers like a little tick when we wake her before she's ready.

5:43 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

We morning people enjoy taunting the rest of you!

6:10 PM  

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