My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Weekend Activity

I've been holding onto this for a while. I saw the general concept a while back while blog hopping. I was going to offer a prize for the best comment, but I couldn't figure out what to offer. Mrs. Fabulous would not let me dole out sexual favors.

She is sooo provincial.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often or don't really know each other) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you!

This could be fun.

Make me proud.


Blogger Belinda said...

Well, of course, nothing is more memorable than "The Operation." When that team of surgeons toiled into the night to separate you and Alex--I mean, it was the first case of conjoined twins anyone had seen who were connected THERE--I just paced and paced, afraid we were going to lose one or both of you. I'm so glad you both came out of it all right, and both fully functioning...especially THERE. That was really a miracle, and I don't think the fact that one of you had to get a prosthetic diminishes the magic of it in the least.

And these wee, small hours of the morning, when Alex is snoring and Mrs. Fab is showering in the dark, I do I *know* which twin I really came home with?

'Tis a puzzlement, and the world may never know...

5:51 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Hey, you remember that time when you and I were on the roof of the gym on prom night? I had bought like 10 boxes of extra large condoms and we filled them with water and were dropping them on our classmates as they came out? Boy, were we toasted that night or what!!!! I think I ate two bags of Doritos all by myself!!! time, at band camp....


7:34 AM  
Blogger June Cleaver's Revenge said...

Remember the time me and you got drunk and pinked up sailors? Good times, good times.

7:56 AM  
Blogger June Cleaver's Revenge said...

Oops, no coffee yet, can't type yet. That's supposed to be PICKED up, not PINKED up. Although the time we pinked up some sailors was pretty fun too, except for the part about getting our asses kicked.

8:12 AM  
Blogger Jozee said...

Thinking... there's so much to tell.

8:44 AM  
Blogger Marie said...

Hahaha! I remember doing this in my blog and it was great fun reading the comments. :) I will definitely participate in this, but I am running out the door now to work. D'oh! I'll be back!

10:05 AM  
Blogger speckledpup said...

listen bitch, return my fluffin' clothes.
I don't mind so much you borrowing my bootie shorts, but when you get into my Ipex bras I get a little testy.
now, then, my vibrator. I want it back. WITH the batteries charged.
don't make me get all medieval on your ass over this.
And mother's nylons and garter belt. wash them before you return them, I don't want them smelling like the harley chaps again.
And the chaps, Jim says after that last session you can keep them as a parting gift.

11:00 AM  
Blogger kari said...

Remember that one time when we were doing the nasty in the fitting room at RJ Outfitters? All I had on was a Stetson and you were wearing a pair of ladies chaps? That was hot! Until the salesclerk threw a lasso around us and dragged us into the center of the store?? Kind of embarrassing huh?

1:02 PM  
Blogger Chelle said...

OMG, rememeber the time we were all skinny dipping down at the lake that one night many summers ago? And this group of Hell's ANgels came by and we all freaked out!! OMG I thought we were gonna get killed or something!! ANyway, you and the other guys ran out of the lake ready to defend us girls and the "Angels" just started laughing and laughing!! We all wondered WTF.....until you looked down at your ummm....and loudly, in defense of you and all the other guys said...."THE WATER WAS COLD!!!" LOL Oh what a memory!!! *sigh*

1:06 PM  
Blogger HawkOwl said...

Remember when we were working in Edmonton and they gave that useless slut Vickie a billing bonus for boinking one of the partners? And you followed them to that motel and took a pile of pictures, and then we made it into a screensaver and installed it on every computer in the firm? Them were good times!

2:12 PM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

I vividly recall the time you shaved your taint with a splitting maul, and then teabagged a rabid wolverine.

When the ER doc asked you what the Hell you thought you were doing, you muttered something about "your pimp hand being strong," and then, using a live jaguar as a condom, sodomized the entire Canadian hockey team.

Good times, man. Good times.

4:37 PM  
Blogger Nobody said...

I don't remember what happened. All I know is I woke up with vaseline in my ass. You still haven't come back to pick up the clothes you left here.

5:41 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Belinda--Only Alex and I know for sure. And sometimes we switch places and you never even know!

Stacy--Thank God yours was relatively clean. These other people have me engaging in all sorts of depravity!

June--Those were good times indeed. I still have a few phone numbers.

Jozee--Ain't it the truth~

Marie--Don't work too hard!

Pup-Hey, that vibrator was broken when you gave it to me!

Kari--It was for you, but not for me. I'm an exhibitionist!

Chelle--But you know the really embarrasing part--the water wasn't really that cold...

Hawk--Yep, we laughed all the way to the unemployment line. It was worth it, though.

CP--OMG LMFAO That's the winner so far. I giggled like a schoolgirl!

Nobody--How can I? The retraining order says I can't get within 500 feet of you...

6:04 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

I will never forget the day we were at your house, and your mom was working - and you decided to cook up something for us to eat. OMG, who knew that you didn't know how to cook in the oven???? The steak tips caught on fire, the whole kitchen was smoking - and we had to call 911 because when you opened the oven, the flames caught on the towel you were using!!! And when you flung the towel - it caught the curtain and the kitchen was up in flames!!! Boy, was your mom mad at you!!!!

And, we could've been killed.

Wow, that was a crazy day.... ;)

6:11 PM  
Blogger Annette Burkett said...

Remember that one time at band camp in were there weren't you...or was it in Ohio? LOL

6:37 PM  
Blogger Dixie said...

I will never, ever forget the first time you gave me a pedicure. Your hands were shakey but you eventually gathered your confidence and by the time the foot massage rolled around you were masterful.

Not so hot on the nail polishing though. You smeared the big toe on my right foot and had to start over. Of course that could have been because I accidentally burped loudly at that moment and you just didn't know I had that sort of power in me.

7:19 PM  
Blogger Jozee said...

Actually, I was thinking about the time we were trippin' our asses off.
X'd to the max.
We walked past T.J's and I dragged you away from some M'f'n moron that wanted to fight because he was high on Jack and crank.
We were just all about peace and love .
On our way to the icehouse to party our asses off with everyone else in town.
In the summertime.
It was all about peace, love and understanding...

7:34 PM  
Blogger Celena said...

Remember that time when you didn't write three posts in one day and I was able to keep up with your blog?

Those were fun times! ;)

9:11 PM  
Blogger CP said...

That is so crazy that you asked this, Fab. Remember that time that you, me and Mrs. Fab and the Hotband were all crossing that huge intersection. All of a sudden that wayward bus went out of control and plowed into all of us. Remember that? Oh my Gawd.

All I really remember is waking up in ICU, next to you, my beloved husband...

Whatever happened to Mrs. Fab and the Hotband anyway? Hm. Such a long long time ago. Oh well. Gotta run, honey. I'm picking up Chinese tonight, can you be a love and get the dry cleaning?

You're the best!


Mrs. Fab the Second.

PS: Okay, you know DAMN well I am playing off that scenario from the other day. Just stop it. Knowing my luck, if a bus did plow into the four of us, it would be me and Mrs. Fab who would get it, and you and the Hotband would end up living in Brokeback Mountain bliss.

It's all just so wrong...on so many levels.


9:37 PM  
Blogger CP said...

HOLY SHIT...*freakindyingwithlaughterandcryingmyeyesoutwipingmyeyes*

CP (the cranky one)...That is the funniest shit I ever read. You used the words "taint" and "teabagged" in one sentence.

THAT makes you my new superhero!

*freakin still dying with laughter*

CP (the other one)

9:40 PM  
Anonymous Holy Cow said...

Mr. Fabulous.....
You'll have to really think hard on this one because I remember you telling me never to breathe a word of it and that you were going to completely WIPE it from your memory.....
so, now work hard at it, ok?:

I had been complaining that my house was so messy and filled with papers, dust, clothes, etc., and I was so behind with it all that i became severely depressed. I couldn't think straight anymore. And you, Mr. Fabulous, sat and talked with me and said, "don't worry, Holy Cow, there is definitely a way out of this". And I insisted that I just couldn't get started - that i was just in over my head.
It was then that you decided to offer your help (I will NEVER forget it), and to make it interesting you offered to wear nothing but a French Maid Outfit with a hole cut out (you know where)...
My house was never cleaner than those two days that you worked your little ass off here, and I was never more tired from following you around and watching you bend over, stretch, squat, vacuum, dust...
do you remember?
do you remember all the things I did to you while you cleaned? and you kept saying, "Holy Cow, please ... you'll have to leave me alone if you want your house cleaned"...but I didn't. I didn't leave you alone. I had my way with the French Maid that day.
You told me to forget that it ever happened, but as you now realize, I never have.
And I hope you haven't either.

here it is 15 years later, and
i'm a little behind in my cleaning again....

um....any chance?

10:11 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

I will never ever forget our trip to Africa, where you wouldn't stop antagonizing the pygmies by throwin popcorn balls at them and screaming, "I AM GULLIVER! Bow before me, liliputians!" What the hell were you THINKING? I still have scars from the bitemarks they left on my ankles. Capri pants and sandals are completely out of the question now. I wouldn't trade that memory for the world...

10:21 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

I think my verification word says it all... wyvfun.

I've said too much.

11:08 PM  
Blogger Lady K said...

Hey fab - where did you get the really cool, small, weather thing? Mine is HUGE and I hate it.

11:34 PM  
Blogger Esereth said...

I don't remember anything, Fab. That night with the highschool quaterback and dog and the grain never happened. Just like you said.

Never happened.


12:15 AM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

OHHHHH! That day when we escaped the Mental Health Insitute for a day in THE MALL! Just one month before our bank robbery I think.... Aaahhhhh! Sweet memories! And 2 months before your special operation... You were such a nice girl then....Do you still love to wear that pink dress?

1:40 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Rebecca--Yes, but the resulting stint in military school did me good!

AB--Oh, I remember. I didn't know you were gonna put it there...

Dixie--Well, in fairness, your abnormally large and grossy mishapen toes made it a difficult job! :)

Jozee--Peace and love? No way, I was the guy high on jack and crank.

Peace, love, understanding, Jack, and crank.

And skittles.

Celena--Yeah, I gotta slow down! LOL

CP--I will NOT pick up the fucking drycleaning!

I'd do the Hotband. In a New York minute.

Holy Cow--Time for an adjustment in your medication...

Lady K--You know as well as I do that thos fucking pygmies started it!

Dawn--We must never speak of this.

Esereth--To this day, when I pass a grain thresher, I get hard.

MP--Sometimes, but I have a yellow sundress now that I like better.

6:46 AM  
Blogger Trinette said...

I was just telling my friend about the time you and I flew up to Alaska for that guy Earl's wedding. The next afternoon we decided to rent a car and drive up to Mt. McKinley, and we stopped at that roadhouse to have a few beers. You got drunk and kept singing "I Wear My Sunglasses At Night", because, well, it was true that time of year.

Then, around midnight, we checked into that smelly little cabin for the night, and both that old sourdough AND his wife kept leering at you over the counter and offered you a discount if you'd give them a, they were fugly! I don't know how you kept it up that long. But hey, you saved us some money, which is all that matters, right?

OMG, I still laugh my ass off thinking about that trip.

8:16 AM  
Blogger Jozee said...

Oh, that's right I'm the one that was trippin'.
You were all jacked and cranked. You got pissed cause I started makin out with that guy right on Main St in front of Suntan Man , Three Hats and John Borg.
I was all about peace, love and understanding...
Guess that's why we broke up.
Opposites attract but they don't always make good life partners!
I defer to the better woman. Cheers Mrs Fab!

11:05 AM  
Blogger jen said...

'member that time at Scottie's party when you forgot to lock the bathroom door and I walked in? There was a few lines of coke on the counter and Ricky Martin sitting on the toilet.

You called me Roller Girl because I had pig tails and suggested I do a line and Ricky got all upset because he thought he was just about to get some blow after the blow.

As I reached for the rolled up bill, you told a story about wanking at the office during a conference call and Ricky started to hyperventilate. And then I left and made sure the door was locked just as Pat Robertson in drag asked if I had seen his date.

He was worried because someone had seen him with Ricky and he wanted to get the two of them out of there before God saw it on the news.

let me know if you're going to Sean (Combs) party next week. It'll be great to see you.

2:17 PM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

If you don't need the pink dress anymore, would you send it to me? My 3 hubbies are so cute in pink! Love!

3:41 PM  
Anonymous Belle said...

I remember the first time I saw you. I was wrapped in a silk robe and filing my nails and you were the set fluffer, choking on the guy who I was about to lay in the next scene of "To Fuck a Mockingbird". It was priceless. I wanted to give you instruction on how to better service him but I didn't think you would hear me with his hands grabbing onto your head and yanking him closer to you.

Ahhh...those were the days.

4:35 PM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Remember the time when I was on a trip to visit Lori I stopped and picked you up first. We grabbed Lori and drove on down to the Keys. We had you dancing naked on top of the car for gas money. I still laugh at that biker dude who wanted to take you home and make you his "Bitch"!! Lori and I was soo drunk that we almost let him take you. You kept yelling Ladies, My girls, My Twins don't let him take me.!!! When we finally arrived we was soo tired and whole lot waisted, we pulled over along side of the road. We laid down a cover and you curled up between us. What happened next??? Do you remember??? All that freakin time drivin down there we had to listen to you go on and on and on and on about how you was going to make it with twins!! What did you do?? You remember?? You fell asleep!! Mr. Fab braggin all the freakin time how his Mr. Fabolious would please us!! We tired everything to get you awake. Lori threw water on you, nothing! We tired every way to bring some Fab into Fabolious nothing!! Lori being the evil twin she is got the idea first. You know me I am never anywhere without my handcuffs. We stripped you naked poured honey all over your body, stood you up(damn you were heavy did you put on weight?)and handcuffed you to a palm tree. When we finished we sat down and shared what was left of the tequila when something stung me. I know that sting fire ants. We jumped up cause we seen where they was heading. I know you have to remember the next part. The ants was making their way up your legs when you woke up. Lori and I jumped in the car and took off. I remember you yelling GET BACK HERE YOU EVIL TWINS YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!!! Lori and I heard on the news the next day some guy found you and called an ambulance. Who would of thought the biker dude would follow us down to the keys.
Yes that was Lori and I who paid for your hospital stay. We felt guilty over the ants. Are you still in contact with the biker dude?? I never did get his name.

4:58 PM  
Blogger Big Ben said...

I remember that time when we went to the Blue Jays vs. Red Sox ALCS game 4 in October 2006 and you peed your pants when the Jays scored 32 runs in the first inning. You decided to fun on the field and then Lyle Overbay punched you in the nuts.

5:04 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Trinette--I'll do ANYTHING for a discount. The thought of the money I was saving kept me hard all night.

Jozee--Suntan Man! Wow, I haven't thought about him in YEARS. LOL

Jen--Diddy. It's Diddy. You are SO univited to the party...

MP--Sorry hon, it has sentimental value. And many stains...

Belle--The joke's on you. He said I was better. He said the stretch marks around your mouth were a turn-off :)

Bead--Are you kidding? We were married briefly in the 90's. Part of me still loves him.

Ben--That wasn't funny. I lost a testicle that day. Now I only have two.

6:11 PM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

That stupid hayride you threw that time still haunts me. All those naked bodies, rolling and tussling in the hay under the Alabama moonlight, and then the horror as the diamond-back rattler emerged from a tuft of hay and bit Jane Deagle's coonhound Blue in the jowl. Then the dog freaked out and stuck his cold wet nose in Joe-Bob's crack and he plumb freaked out and so we had to beat a path to the hospital, because he though he had been bitten. What a sight we were, pulling into the drive-thru of the local Emergency ward in that trailer behind the old Ford tractor. I'll bet ER staff are still telling the story of how they couldn't find the snake-bite on Joe-Bob's nether regions.

6:50 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

PF--I love any post that mentions "nether reigons".

8:42 PM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

There was always that time we shaved Certifiable Princess' snizz with a jar of honey and a sack of rabid minks...

9:34 PM  
Anonymous Belle said...

Perhaps, but he said he laughed when he came in your eye!

10:39 PM  
Blogger jen said...

fab- NO ONE calls him Diddy anymore. You are so behind the times, baby. I might be able to get you on the list, but no promises.

1:30 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

CP--Oh yeahhhh..I'd forgot about that! She was such a drama queen about it. I never heard such kvetching!


Belle--Of course I did. That was an expensive pair of contact lenses!

Jen--Yes please. I need to get back on the A list!

10:08 AM  
Anonymous Eric T. said...

A few years ago when you had come down with laryngitis (we won't say how you got it but teabagging was involved)you and I went to that preview of the new Ron Howard film.
At the conclusion there was a discussion as to how this film compared to great movies our the past 20 years. I can remember how excited we were to talk about it with the director and the other people in the audience. You were a bit disappointed that you couldn't speak but that wasn't going to be all that bad.
Anyway, I remember things were going just fine until you heard Ron himself compare the movie to another great movie by Harold Ramis..."Bedazzeled". The look of shock and awe on your face was amazing but even better still was how everyone was agreeing with him. You couldn't speak but were still trying to get their attention.
I just kept participating in the discussion and trying to keep you in your chair. Finally after about 5 minutes of this you just couldn't stand it any longer. You leaped out of your seat and started to strangle Ron. 4 or 5 bodyguards jumped on you and were trying to pull you off. I grabbed the chair and tried to hit them over the head but missed and hit you.
We missed the rest of the discussion beacuse we were in local jail by the time you woke up. Thank god Mrs. Fab bailed us out the next day. I still don't think she knows why we were both walking so funny and had a hard time sitting after being in jail overnight. I don't remember picking up any soap.

2:16 PM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

Oh, God, Fab, 'member that time the two of us managed to snag a job at the same funeral home? I was supposed to be driving the coach and they had you helping out in the prep room, and this one particular day you were feeling a little frustrated, so you asked me if you could punch the shit out of the corpse? I was totally freaked out, but you were like, "Relax, it's not like I can leave bruises or anything! Besides, I'm just gonna kick him in the balls a few times."

And then you fell off the casket and needed stitches to your forehead? Man, we had to do some pretty fast talking and I'm not sure the funeral director ever really bought our story about banging your head on the door of the coach.

Hilarious, man!

8:41 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Eric--I wasn't walking funny, YOU were. I told you boy, I pitch, you catch!

Anne--Whew, for a minute I thought you were gonna take that in a different direction!

12:26 PM  
Blogger Clo said...

Ok, now, you will have to do a big effort of remembering...

Twas in Egypt, I was the queen Ankhetkhépérourê and you were one of my slave. I'll always remember the face you had when they told you you were to be momified and they didn't take time to kill you before. LOL

Then, under the Inquisition, how professionnal you were while torturing me because I sold you a dozen rat balls instead of black cat ones. No humour you had in those days...

And after some centuries, we just decided to change the roles so you were the witch and I was the judge. I'll never forget that night in jail when you raped me, that was soooo good!

But I can't remember the last life we were together... do you?

So nice to have the chance to find you again...

1:57 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

OK, whose job was it to make sure Clo took her medication? LOL

I'm telling your sister!

3:50 AM  
Blogger Clo said...

I knew you were going to deny! *sigh*

And don't worry, I took my pills! I have plenty! All sorts, all colors! (Here's a little blue one for uncle Fab! Yep, yep, yep!)

Don't even remember the jail's rape? (And a tiny pink round one for the road! Yiiiiiiiiiiiiii Mr Fab! What are those green dots on your profile pic!)


1:29 PM  

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