My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Coronation


So many people to thank…

I hope I don’t tear up as I write this. I don’t want my mascara to run.

First I have to thank Mrs. Fabulous. She stood by me during the whole campaign, her tireless support and indomitable spirit never wavering. Not even when those tabloid pictures of me in a Motel 6 with a couple of underage lemurs surfaced.

She is my rock.

And of course I have to thank my Campaign Manager, Pissy. She is the one who threw my hat (and my speedo) into the ring with her nomination. I owe her so much for the drive and determination she exhibited in propelling me to the top, that I am not even going to have her investigated for those nasty rumors of fiduciary misconduct that have been circling around her during the campaign. Keep the money, Pissy, you earned it!

My Marketing Director, MerlinPrincesse did a fabulous job on the ad campaign, as evidenced by this masterwork:
Conventional wisdom is that it was this photo that put us over the top! Plus, having her on the staff swayed the all important Canadian Vote!

And thanks also to CP, whose constant accusations that I was a vote whore kept me grounded. You can always count on CP to keep it real!

And lastly I would like to thank my honorable opponent, Ralph. He waged a good campaign, and fought a good fight. I thought he would drop out when I had him audited, but he did not. I thought he would drop out when I put sugar in his gas tank, but he did not. I thought he would drop out when I had sex with his wife. He did not. I thought he would drop out when I had sex with him, but he did not.

By the way, he's a very gentle lover. Ralph, call me?

In the end, it came down to hair. The ladies love a bald man, and he still has a little, while I shave completely.

Now, I don't know what the deal was with BOB being shut down. I assume it has something to do with either the government, aliens, or Ryan Seacrest. But I will not let it interfer with the post victory celebration. Everyone is invited over to Billy's where the drinks will flow and blood will spill and I will fulfill my campaign vow of performing oral sex on every last one of you. Hey, I am nothing if not a man of my word.

Like my crown? I was really kind of hoping for a jeweled scepter, because being able to wield something like that would in some small way make up for the fact that I have a small penis. But what are you gonna do?

Plus I could use it to sodomize lemurs.

37 Comments:

Blogger A Bottle Of Red said...

LOL Congratz Mr Fab!

7:47 AM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

Hey Mr Fab. I am so happy your vote whoring paid off!!! But of course without that you would have won hands down as well! Congrats!

8:39 AM  
Blogger CP said...

(Throws out all the election cards with the hanging chads, the pregnant chads and the dangling chads).

Congrats, Babe! I knew it would be you! There's no substitute for a man who looks like Mr. Clean with a Bruce Willis smirk. Why stop here? I say, Mr. FAB in '08!!! Anyone with me???

Anyone? Someone?

Bueller?

CP.

8:49 AM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

You know, I don't mind kissing your ring, O Kingly One, but could you take it out of your back pocket, first???

You sexy beast, you.

8:55 AM  
Blogger CanadianSwiss said...

LOL. Congratulations! I will follow CP for Mr. Fab '08! Let me just catch the next flight to Florida (which airport??!!!?) for the ceremonies ;-)

10:53 AM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Go on with your bad self!

I KNEW you could do it!

and I'm on board the Mr. Fab train in '08.

12:03 PM  
Anonymous Heather said...

You earned it! Oh and - Ralph, call me too.

12:26 PM  
Blogger Jetting Through Life said...

Congrats!!! Now you need a new pic with your crown on!!

XXOO,
JTL

2:07 PM  
Anonymous Sheryl said...

Congratulations. But please stay away from the lemurs. I don't want to report you to PETA, but I will. And don't try convincing me the lemurs like it.

2:27 PM  
Blogger The Tart said...

The crown is GREAT, the promise *blush* well ?

Sheesh, no wonder you have so many fans. How does one gear up for the ole campaign promise?

Smooch-y-roo,
The Tart

2:53 PM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Congrats! Congrats! Congrats! Congrats! Rah Rah Rah! Give me a m. M! Give me a r. R! Give me a f. F! Give me an a. A! Give me a b. B! What does it spell? Mr. Fab.
I only cheer on special occasions. I knew you would win you sexy lemur lovin beast. :)

3:19 PM  
Blogger Dixie said...

*sniff* I'm so proud to know you! The autographed nakey picture of you is on its way to me, right?

3:31 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Congrats Mr Fab! And thanks for all the laughs!

4:09 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Jaws--Thanks, dear! Hey, I had to accept despite the shenanigans. If I stop being sexy, the terrorists win!

DB--Thank you my Netherlandy Friend!

CP--I don't know if I'm ready to be President. Too many skeletons in my closet!

CrankyProf--I'm sure I can place it somewhere else...

CS--That would Tampa airport :) Instead of a sign, I'll just hold up some swiss chocolate and Molsen at the arrival gate!

Pissy--You're the one that got the ball rolling, love!

Heather--We can share Ralph. He's into that.

JTL--A fine idea! With perhaps some full frontal nudity thrown in!

Jocelyn--LOTS of mouth-limbering exercises my friend. But no cutting in line!

Beady--Umm...now if you'll put on a cheerleading outfit...please?

Dixie--Of course! And it will be fully laminated. For YOUR pleasure :)

Mimi--Thank YOU :)

4:38 PM  
Blogger Some Girl said...

WOO HOO! The best man won!! Congrats!

4:59 PM  
Blogger Sherry said...

Congrats...
What happened to the site???

5:21 PM  
Blogger KB said...

Okay, so now you've just forgotten about all of us little voters eh?

Hmmmpppfff!

5:50 PM  
Blogger Jozee said...

Was there any doubt?
Great writing and a lot of fun to follow.
Will people snicker if you wear your crown around town?

6:11 PM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

Glad to have helped ya, honey. BUT NEVER TRIPLE-DOG-DARE ME AGAIN!!!! :) Nice crown, but not as nice ad cp's one! Mwhahahahahahahaha!

6:14 PM  
Blogger Blogarita said...

And a lovely crown it is. But you might want to put a little padding around the edges. Wouldn't want to mar that sexy baldness.

6:34 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Whoooo Hoooooo CONGRATS.. ROCK ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF!! =)

I will bring the chex mix for the party!!

8:19 PM  
Blogger Clo said...

Hey! Félicitations! (that means congratulations!) Wait! I'm going to the "dépanneur" at the corner of the street and buy a bottle of bear!

.......

Back! Wow! I bought a Labatt Blue! Wait, I'll open it...
.....
OK, now I would like to make a toast to Mr. Fabulous, the Sexiest blogger of all time! ........... wow, that Canadian beer is good!

10:04 PM  
Blogger Spider Walk said...

Way to go, Kiddo!!
You sexy bawld rawkin non Canadian you!!

Huggerzzz....

10:07 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Some Girl and Sherry--Thank you ladies. I don't know what happened to the site, but that won't stop us from celebratin'!

KB--You are absolutely correct. Mea culpa! I will fix that tomorrow!

Jozee--People snicker regardless, believe me!

MP--I will NEVER 3DD you again, I have learned my lesson!

Blogarita--That's a good idea. Velvet, maybe...

Shannon--Ooh, good, we'll need some chex mix!

Clo--Are you drunk again?

Spider Walk--Thanks, sweetie! :)

10:59 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

Congrats Mr. Fab.

11:52 PM  
Anonymous Nunya said...

If I knew you liked to sodomize lemurs I would have never voted for you. Congrats anyway, lol.

11:58 PM  
Blogger Chelle said...

Yay!!! Congrats :) I knew you would win..hehe

I'm not worthy...I'm not worthy!!! hehe

12:17 AM  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

You know I didn't even GET a vote? ~ jb///

12:38 AM  
Blogger Clo said...

I waze notte butte nowe Ie amme!

HIC! e

Ande you forgotte to saye: "Peace ine ze worlde!"

HIC! e

This is sooooooooooooooooo sad!

HIC!

Bute you are stille HIC sexy!

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW HIC e!

2:13 AM  
Blogger CanadianSwiss said...

I'm ok with the Swiss chocolate, but can you make it a Labatt's Blue instead, please? ;-)

4:41 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Lori--Thanks, buddy!

Nunya--Hey, the lemurs are just asking for it, believe me!

LZBlogger--Well, you are still a sexy sexy man!

Chelle--Oh, you are PLENTY worthy!

Clo--Could someone please get Clo some hot coffee? LOL

CS--Of course, for you, anything!

5:37 AM  
Blogger ShooShoo said...

So happy for you, ya sexy beeatch! I never had any doubts.

Dang, sorry for getting my comment on so late... But let us know if you ever find out what happened to the site!

4:33 AM  
Blogger Plunky said...

Yippee! I knew you would win!

6:11 PM  
Anonymous dreamwalker said...

I'm soooo late, but I voted faithfully every day - promise!!! I knew you would win. How could you not?!!

VERY BELATED CONGRATULATIONS!!

Great crown :)

9:22 PM  
Blogger Billy said...

Man I need to get out more, I totally missed the party at my place. Hopefully everybody had a rocking time and Fab, I'll catch up with you for that oral...

5:50 PM  
Blogger cherish said...

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I knew you had it hands down!!!!

9:00 PM  
Blogger Pamela J Weatherill said...

Sorry this is so belated ... but congrats! Such style and pizzaz! :-)

10:06 PM  

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