My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Reasons why I might be gay...

Now I am not saying I am gay. And one or two or even five of these reasons added together don't necessarily mean that I'm gay. But if you take all of them and consider them all rolled together into a neat little package...

I go to a tanning salon

I use moisturizer

I use body wash, too

I am always careful to make sure my clothes match

I never flirt with women at work (I spend enough time getting called into HR, thank you) but I think nothing of flirting with guys. I have two guys I work with, Jason and Eric; that I am always talking about having sex with

I don’t get all excited about cars or tools

I never leave the toilet seat up

I like those old Olivia Newton-John songs from the seventies (Please Mr. Please, Have You Never Been Mellow, etc.)

I wear cologne

I generally work better with women than men

The other day at our weekly system-wide meeting I volunteered to give next week’s report wearing a dress if we made goal this week

It’s not the first time I have offered to do that

I am usually pretty good about noticing when women change their hairstyles, and I always comment on it. I also always tell them it makes them look younger, because it always seems to make them feel really good

I like disco music

I suck a lot of cock

Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

46 Comments:

Blogger Maritza said...

**chuckling and snorting over here!**

9:07 AM  
Blogger Detroiter said...

Hands off my husband's hairy ass, Mr. I'm-Not-Gay.

9:11 AM  
Blogger Blogarita said...

I bet the roosters love it!

9:51 AM  
Blogger Jozee said...

You didn't give Tom Cruise a second thought so I doubt it.

9:57 AM  
Blogger speckledpup said...

OH my I might be gay too.....becuase I do all those things.
Including the last one.

10:03 AM  
Blogger The Tart said...

U R too crazy. That last one almost did me in. Almost!

Have a groovy weekend U tan, soft smell'in, dress wear'in, lover. ; )

Smooch,
The Tart

10:06 AM  
Blogger Lynda said...

Maybe you are just a metrosexual. lol. Because when you say you suck a lot of cock, you mean roosters, right? ROFL

10:33 AM  
Blogger Tracy said...

OMG! I think I'm gay!! I do all those things too! :)

10:51 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Maritza--Is that good? LOL

Detroiter--Hey, if you can't hold on to him...

Blogarita--Hey, some of those roosters are HAWT!

Jozee--Well, he's just not my type...

Pup--LOL. Welcome to the club!

Jocelyn--You too sweetie!

Lynda--I thought about that, but while my clothes match, I don't think I dress well enough to be a metrosexual..

Tracy--And we have another member!

11:03 AM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

I saw no mention of showtunes or Cher in your list, although the Olivia Newton-John references run a close second. That could just be your shitty taste in music, however (see: "I like disco".)

Is your cologne Polo? Cuz that's a dead giveaway, too.

Metrosexual, I'm thinking.

11:16 AM  
Blogger utenzi said...

That last one definitely contains a hint! As for, ONJ--do you remember the song Mary Skeffington? It was a cover of a Rafferty song. That was my favorite of the ONJ 70s songs.

11:32 AM  
Blogger michele said...

Hey Mr,Sounds like you're more
of a metrosexual

11:41 AM  
Blogger D said...

If there wasn't a woman out there who swears my brother is the father of her child, I would wonder. I borrowed his car this past winter and was looking for a cd when I found, all in the same cd case:

Donna Summer
ABBA
ABBA Greatest Hits
West Side Story
Cher; and
another ABBA CD

1:04 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Maybe you are metro? ;)

Sorry to preach but I wish you would not go to a tanning bed. I did and now my arm looks like Jaws got a hold of me because I had skin cancer, the deadly kind. I was only 24.I don't like to mention it, but it bothers me that it isn't taken more seriously. And I want more people to be aware. I care about all my blog buddies, including you Mr Fab!

1:05 PM  
Blogger June Cleaver's Revenge said...

Liar. I got my hair cut yesterday and you didn't say a damned thing about it. You are so STRAIGHT.

1:28 PM  
Blogger June Cleaver's Revenge said...

P.S. Mimi is right. Stay out of the tanning bed. I have recurrent malignant melanoma. It's deadly and it's nothing to mess with.

1:29 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Yeah, but do you own every Madonna cd? I do!

1:31 PM  
Blogger zhadi said...

Definitely metrosexual with a little leaning towards gaiety.

2:18 PM  
Blogger Tracy said...

Just here, again, through BOTB, voting! Get out there and vote!!

2:36 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

Hmm... I'd like to hear what Mrs. Fab has to say about all that. I think she'd be the authority on the matter...

3:19 PM  
Blogger WriteWingNut said...

Oh my gosh, I almost choked on the cock, I mean popcorn, I was eating while reading that last line!!

5:03 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Anne--I actually DO like Cher--the old stuff like Dark Lady and Half-Breed. So there!

Utenzi--I don't think so, but I'll check it out!

Michele--Or maybe I'm bi-sexual...

Dene--I'm with all of it except West Side Story LOL

Mimi and June--I know, I hear it from both sides. I have never done it before now, but now I want to go all the time. Surely it is ok in moderation?

June--You TOTALLY look younger!

Heather--Yeah, I KNOW why you do :)

Zhadi--Maybe so, but I just don't think I dress well enough to be metro. Maybe bi?

Tracy--I'm out there and I'm voting!

Erin--She has taken a vow of silence!

WWN--You get cocks and popcorn mixed up? Your poor husband...

5:36 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

You're not gay, you're a metrosexual.. ;-)

5:59 PM  
Anonymous Kentucky Girl said...

lol You need help, man. lol *pinches your cheeks* So cute.

6:04 PM  
Anonymous Eric T. said...

Your not gay. You just have a very advanced, and demented sense of humor.
Thanks for the compliment. I didn't realize I was being flirted with. I'll make sure to return the favor every once in a while. :-)

7:02 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Laurie--I still vote for bi...

Kentucky Girl--Gosh, shucks ma'am :)

Eric--You know I want to fuck you.

7:18 PM  
Blogger Jozee said...

10 points toward the toaster oven!
Sorry, I'm not sharing Nic Cage with you when I get him!

8:01 PM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

Metrosexual? What is that! I feel suddenly very very old. I think I'm going to let my hubby and my wife sleep alone tonight. I feel suddenly sooooooo tired! Just go with the racoons. And maybe a little pic of RD Anderson beside me...

8:08 PM  
Blogger shirley said...

Oooh - I should introduce you to my boyfriend, you'd really hit it off!

8:42 PM  
Blogger shirley said...

You two may get into a slap fight over who gets to suck whose cock first though.

8:43 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Jozee--Oh yes you are!

MP--I don't think there is such a thing as a Canadian metrosexual :)

Shirley--Give him my number :)

8:50 PM  
Blogger Matthew S. Urdan said...

Mr. Fabulous:

Have you never been mellow?
Have you never tried to find a comfort from inside you?
Have you never been happy, just to hear your song?
Have you never let someone else be strong?

8:51 PM  
Blogger Matthew S. Urdan said...

Dene,

I'm not gay, but I have three ABBA CDs in my car right now...I'm their biggest fan. By the way, Burt Ward, the Original Robin on Batman, was President of the ABBA Fan Club in the 70s; and Colin Powell has seen the ABBA Musical, Mamma Mia, six times. Do you think Colin Powell is gay? Just checking. A lot of straight people love ABBA!

http://www.abbasite.com

8:55 PM  
Blogger Sandi said...

Fab, honey, are we gonna get to see you in the dress? We promise we will make quota too, if you do!

and sob, I thought you realllly meant it when you said I looked younger with my new haircut..sniff, sniff.

9:44 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

be sure you post a picture of yourself in that dress! *LOL*

10:15 PM  
Anonymous dreamwalker said...

You are definitely gay and a lot of fun :D

Oh, GAY...hmmm, very possibly. Lol!

Man, do I hope you make this weeks goal...Picture, please!!

2:36 AM  
Blogger Cat said...

I'm with Tracy. She's a bad example on me and I followed her here. ;)

Actually I've been visiting more since you rented from me and enjoying your random posts. I no longer wonder what goes through the head of a nutty male!

:D

You give it ALL to me baby and more.

And, metrosexual you are. My brother is quite possibly too.

2:41 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

You had me at tanning salon, LOL...
I feel like a half breed.
My brother worked in Spain, and use to sing Chiquita you and I cryyyyyyyyy

3:26 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Matt--I love you. Let's do it.

Sandi and Pissy--Sadly, we are not going to make goal this week, so I don't have to play dress up. Perverts :)

Dreamwalker--Don't you have any of those other pictures left that I sent you? :)

Cat--Do you think your brothr would go out with me? :)

Lorraine--Now I'll have that song in my head. Luckily, I like it!

3:43 AM  
Blogger Spider Walk said...

Sounds to me that Mrs.Fab has the perfect husband :)

6:52 AM  
Blogger john_gb said...

Man! you are some crazy bitch, and if you are not gay, stop frigging about and get your ass over here. I have ways of making you wallk-lol

7:58 AM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Oh Gawd--this so reminds me of that scene from "Heathers" with the dead football players!

Too funny!

8:29 AM  
Blogger WriteWingNut said...

LOL! Well, they're both so salty!

4:35 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Spidey--Could you call her and tell her that? :)

John--You sweet talker!

Attila--That was an AWESOME movie!

WWN--LMAP--I guess I can see that!

8:23 PM  
Blogger peebugg said...

besides the sucking cock and commenting on having sex with your male co-workers.......and possibly the dress thing...I would say that Mrs. Fab has you very well trained...

If you do the dress thing...can you take a picture and share it with us..???

10:39 AM  
Blogger Clo said...

What do you mean by I don't think there is such a thing as a Canadian metrosexual? We probably had metrosexual before you had!

But I don't think you are gay, nor metrosexual, nor bi-sexual! You are just crazy, my dear, just crazy!
... but just in case, when you'll be having sex with a guy, may I come and take pics?

12:48 AM  

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