My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Monday, May 08, 2006

And the winner is...

Here is Mrs. Fab's ruling on the contest for the booty that Crap Quest '06 yielded:

Wow, I never expected such a wealth of responses…

I’m not sure whether it’s because everyone wants to take care of Mr Fab or if it’s actually because you really want that pile of junk we got from Daytona. There does appear to be an inordinate amount of interest in the skeleton on a surfboard. I did try to pick the tackiest things I could find. I hope the ultimate winner is not disappointed.

As to the winner, this was an extremely difficult decision…

It was hard to decide how Mr Fab should be cared for after my passing. With options ranging from torture and degredation to pampering and hot tubs.

How to ever narrow down the options???

First, thanks to those of you who expressed an interest but then passed because of an inability or unwillingness to clothe, feed, and shelter my beloved. (Merlinprincesse, Ginnie, Mimi, Tracy Sauerkraut, Nunya, Jessica, Blogarita – although I think that skeleton on the surfboard would go great with the velvet Elvis, and Smluke)

I was kind of attracted to the theory that by giving him a rough time after my death that he’d appreciate the life that we had enjoyed together. But then I remembered all the wonderful things that he does for me and the things that we share that he already does appreciate our life.
So that lets out those who proposed bondage, torture, or bugs. (Crankyprof, Jin’s kicking ass) And probably those who mentioned manual labor since it’s a concept foreign to us both. We hire people to do the heavy lifting, and even most of the light lifting, so anything involving yard work or housework is out. (Big Pissy’s trudging 5 miles through the heat, Pixie’s plenty to do in the yard, Cissa Fireheart’s usage for his manual labor during moves, Supcomtabz’s physical labor, Pud’s waiting hand and foot)

Then I had to rule out those mentioning or condoning lemur abuse since there is current litigation pending to address possible civil or criminal liability being imposed on Mr Fab for just such offenses. I would hate for any of you to be held liable as accomplices or accessories before or after the fact. (Stacy the peanut queen, Zhadi, Lori, Beadinggalinms, Dreamwalker)

Then I eliminated those who mentioned anything cold or snowy because we often ask ourselves what that white stuff that comes out of the sky during some tv shows or winter football games could be. So that lets out a few more (Sandi, T, CanadianSwiss, Nanuk, Clo, Detroiter – since I assume you live in Detroit which is cold)

Then I had to cut those with current spouses or children because trust me, I know that Mr Fab is all that anyone can handle and it wouldn’t be fair to the children or existing spouses (Fantastagirl has Mr. Incredible, Belinda has Alex, Jozee has her almost grown kids, Tricia has her husband, June Cleaver has a whole bunch of kids, Writewingnut has her husband and kids).

Lynda unfortunately has to be out but only because Mr Fab is not a cat person. Since I am not a dog person that’s why we have bunnies…

Kentucky Girl has to go because of the peanut butter, it literally makes him vomit…

So how to narrow down the remaining contenders…

Lorraine was very sweet in her suggestion that I’d outlive all contenders, but given my high fat, low fiber, sedentary lifestyle that’s not very likely. She didn’t give any specifics about his care and feeding so I can’t really decide without more information. Similarly Va Va Voom didn’t give enough information on which to base a decision. Sandi although I did sense a psychic connection that alone can’t be enough because I feel connected to many of you based on reading your comments on Mr Fabs blog over the months. Dutchbitch although your training might come in handy while I’m alive I’m afraid it would be wasted once I died, and you wouldn’t be allowed to send him back to me.

Even if CP hadn’t removed herself from the contest I am afraid she would have been disqualified because murderers cannot be allowed to reap the benefits from their crimes. It is vital that if both her husband and I end up dead within a short time period that the authorities be alerted. She cannot be allowed to succeed in her devious scheme. If not for me then for the Hotband.

So that leaves me with eenie, meeney, miney mo for the rest (Cherish, AnneRKey, Luin, Michele, Mel, Leave it to Cleavage)…

Eenie meeney miney mo, catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go, my mother told me to pick the very best one and you are it…

Congratulations, the very scientifically selected winner is AnneRKey!!!

I’ll have the papers drawn up to change our will on Monday. Congratulations!

So let it be written, so let it be done. Anne, if you will email me your information, I will pack the the box o' crap and send it to you when I get back from Alabama.

For the record, and nothing personal Anne, I would have picked CP. I was blown away by her display of what was either very impressive recall, or the fruit of extensive research. Plus I'm comfortable with plotting murder. I am blessed with a certain moral flexibility.

Plus there would be lots of sex. I know that's not going to be the case with Anne LOL.

Thanks for playing, everyone!


Anonymous Blair Bitch said...

I'm crushed. Oh wait...that's right, I declined the generous offer. Besides, the only way I could keep him is if he roomed with one of my kids and I would never punish them like that.

7:05 AM  
Blogger Lori said...

Congrats Anne!

7:16 AM  
Blogger Chelle said...

Whoo Hoooo lucky duck!! ;)

7:45 AM  
Blogger Sandi said...

sniff, sniff... congratulations Anne!
Enjoy! :)

8:06 AM  
Anonymous Va Va Voom said...

Enjoy all the crap, Anne! Congrats to you!

8:08 AM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Congrats Anne!

I must say, though, I did think cp deserved you.....that was QUITE the well thought out comment she posted .

I was impressed by her love and adoration for you! ;-)

8:09 AM  
Blogger June Cleaver's Revenge said...

Congrats Anne! :D

9:10 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Humph! I'm taking my lemurs and I'm going home!


Congrats Anne! :)

9:34 AM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

Damn! I didn't see that nice skeleton.... :)

9:45 AM  
Blogger T. said...

I'm glad you've found somewhere to go, Fab, in the event that you, um, need to go somewhere. She will take good care of you.

9:53 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Congrats Anne, you get the skeleton, you!
Hey Mrs. Fab, let's meet for a mimosa up there in heaven, one day!

10:06 AM  
Blogger Blogarita said...

Congrats, Anne! It's no velvet Elvis, but it sounds like a great box of loot all the same.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Suze said...

Damn, I'm always late for the party. Congratualtions Anne.

12:04 PM  
Blogger Lynda said...

Hooray for Anne! Congrats!

I understand, Mrs. Fab. Though, my cats and my dog are pretty wonderful. It would be a hard choice between them and Mr. Fab, but giving up my pets would be like giving up my children. I just couldn't do it.

Plus, it gets pretty cold in Indiana.

What is this manual labor of which you speak?

12:07 PM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

I'd like to thank the Academy, and my parents, and God...

Thanks, Mr. + Mrs. Fab, for your vote of confidence in me. And all ther rest of you, for your well wishes.

*sniff* I'm verklempt!

1:00 PM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

Hey Ann! Congratulations on winning the contest!!! I envy you!!!

1:10 PM  
Blogger Plunky said...

Um, Anne, do you realize what you have uh, "won"?

1:41 PM  
Blogger Pandora said...

almost went to Daytona today, then I realized all the crap you got, and how much my husband likes to collect crap, and the hand cuffs would be the first thing he would go for, I opted to stay in Orlando by the pool...

3:16 PM  
Blogger ablondeblogger said...

Congrats, Anne! Though I think Mrs. F should've chosen TWO candidates since you're probably so difficult to manage. :)

4:30 PM  
Blogger Jozee said...

Phew! Just kidding. Hope you never need your new wife. ;-)

5:31 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Congrats Anne! Lets hope Mrs Fab lives a long and full life though :)

I can't believe I was a runner up! How exciting! I thought I didnt stand a chance with so many really good posts.

6:46 PM  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

Congrats Anne!

7:39 PM  
Blogger CP said...

Ain't no thang.

I'll just adjust the bus route schedule to run past Anne's house instead.

You will be mine, Fab.

And thanks, it was a mix of recall and investigation. I am a well educated stalker.

Congrats Anne. Your imminent death will come only moments after the expiration of Mrs. Fab. Enjoy your victory while you can, for it will be short lived.

*insert evil laughter here*


12:29 AM  
Blogger Clo said...

Last December, we had a lot of snow. I began my blog during that month. And I post some pictures of snow, and I said I was already getting tired of so much snow.

Then, many people said to me that I was a happy lady to live in a place with snow, some even said that they had never see a snowfall in their lives.

So, I began to realized that snow was really a good thing, very cute and interresting to shoot, and I began to stop hating the snow.

And now, I lost Mr. Fabulous because of the snow... I will never look at a snowfall the same way...

1:27 AM  
Anonymous dreamwalker said...

Congratulations Anne!!

...and MrsFab I was most impressed with your elimination procedure.

*trying hard to smile bravely through tears, and dialing the zoo to return lemurs *

1:37 AM  
Blogger cherish said...

Congratulations Anne you lucky girl!! hehe Heres hoping that Mr and Mrs Fabulous live a long happy life together!

8:33 AM  
Blogger Lynda said...

Suddenly I am really glad I don't have a bus route by my house.

1:05 PM  
Blogger Leave It To Cleavage said...

Wow I'm just psyched that I made it down to the finals!! Congrats Anne.

6:15 AM  
Blogger JIN said...

Congrates Anne!!!

Hiaz, there goes my little blue bear, sob sob!

12:55 PM  

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