My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Attention Please: We Have a Correction

Last week I used the term "donut holder" as a euphemism for my...you know. Don't make me say it.

I made that reference in haste, it seems.

After two days of exhaustive tests in a controlled environment, a $123.45 tab at Krispy Kreme and an additional $97.45 spent at Donut Connection, the results are conclusive and irrefutable:

It is not suitable for that purpose. The donut keeps splitting and falling off.

Apparently, the girth of the organ renders it useless for such an activity.

We at Pointless Drivel regret the error. Of course, we concede that this may not be a universal issue.

More's the pity.

68 Comments:

Blogger Suze said...

Well you just got my attention. Do donuts come in extra large? ;)

5:21 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Don't jump to a conclusion too quickly there Mr. Fab. I'm sure there are times where it would hold up for inspection, dontcha think?

5:51 AM  
Blogger Va Va Voom said...

Oh gawd, I'm having visuals! Nooo!!!

6:30 AM  
Blogger Leave It To Cleavage said...

I dated a guy that could use his for a donut holder. I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't say, is that it? Plus that would be mean.

6:36 AM  
Anonymous Alden Bates said...

Need bigger doughnuts!

6:43 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

That's a bummer. Mostly because what girl wouldn't want to eat donuts off of a, ahem, donut holder. And then lick the glaze off, because really, that's the best part of the donut. Mmmmmm donuts. And holders.

6:45 AM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

Might it be usefull as a wooden shoe holder?

6:54 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Suze--They really should, I think!

Lorraine--Those details are classified :)

VaVA--Oh please, you know you like it LOL

Leave--Yikes. I bet he didn't last long!

Alden--Is there such a thing?

Amber--Well, if the glaze is the best part, you can just spread glaze on it...

6:56 AM  
Blogger Shelli said...

Seriously, I could have saved you the money. I will leave the rest to your perverted imagination. ;)

7:10 AM  
Blogger Chelle said...

Well...you could always play ring toss!!! hehe

8:04 AM  
Blogger Mindless Dribbler said...

Dang Fab....I should've told you. You have to secretly ask the manager for the "masculine donuts" to get those kinds.

I know, I know...a day late and a dollar short. My usual self.

8:06 AM  
Blogger Sandi said...

I don't know what to say.

but I do love donuts:)

8:12 AM  
Blogger Sherry said...

Mrs. Fab should be able to make a mold and then you could just make those donuts at home... good idea, huh? Geez, I'm pretty darn smart this morning.

9:05 AM  
Blogger Serra said...

MMMMM, donut holders dipped in a chocolate fountain...

Sorry, got my posts crossed.

9:16 AM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

You just ain't right, boy.

Really.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

"Donut Holder" is a euphemism for what?

9:36 AM  
Blogger Tracy said...

You guys don't make huge donuts in the US or what?? Girth is a problem here too so they changed the size of our donuts! :)

9:50 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Shelli--Who spilled the beans about my perverted imagination?

Chelle--Now why didn't I think of that?

Dribbler--Those must be the ones they keep in the back behind that curtain...

Sandi--YOU don't know what to say? Gosh!

Sherry--Is that how they do it up your way? :)

Serra--It WOULD be nice and warm...

CP--Was there ever any doubt?

Pud--Um...

9:51 AM  
Blogger Itchy said...

I think it's sorta sad that all I can think of is that I'd like to eat a donut right now. And there is no deeper meaning to that. I'd really like to have a donut...

9:53 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Makes me wonder if ya spent that much money...and time....you finally found a donut that would break huh?

9:56 AM  
Blogger Lori said...

I want some krispy kreme glaze donuts now. ;)

9:58 AM  
Blogger Serra said...

Happy Click and Comment Day!

Yeah, but once it hardened it'd hurt like hell if someone thumped it with the back of a spoon like those Magic Shell commercials, wouldn't it? You'd have to have a Donut Holder Cleaner very handy.

10:39 AM  
Blogger T. said...

I'm gonna ignore all the sexual innuendo in that post and just say that I love donuts--especially Crispy Kreme glazed.

11:22 AM  
Blogger Maidink said...

Okay, I'll ask ...

So exactly what did you DO with all the tested donuts?

Unsuspecting by-standers perhaps?

11:23 AM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Krispi Kremes, donut holders whooaa way to much for me to handle I am going to go back to bed for a nap, ya a *nap* heehee ;)

11:24 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Mmmm...donuts.

Just sayin'.....

11:42 AM  
Blogger zhadi said...

I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I don't particulalry like donuts. Except for hot apple fritters. And those not only wouldn't fit, but they'd hurt.

11:50 AM  
Blogger cherish said...

This is very good to know Mr. Fabulous! I was going to bring doughnuts to the party to see how they would hold up against your doughnut holder ~winks~ I guess I will skip it now!

1:09 PM  
Blogger Mimi said...

I will never look at my beloved Krisy Kremes again! LOL

1:13 PM  
Anonymous Ficklechick said...

Somebody needs a new hobby......

1:19 PM  
Blogger peebugg said...

dang that girth......

guess you will have to find another use for it then....

Good Luck

1:20 PM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

LMAO .. thats good to know , i really appriciate the research you put into your writing.. tell me..after they fell off, did y'all eat them?

1:50 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Itchy--I have plenty of them if you like. No whole ones though...

Mike--LMAO Exactly!

Serra--I am willing to sacrifice the body...

Lori--I know where you can get some :)

T--They ARE a little slice of heaven!

Maidink--The folks at work really seemed to like them!

Beady--I know, you are so delicate LOL

Stacy--Oh, I know what you're sayin'...

Zhadi--Hot apple fritters: ouch!

Cherish--You can still bring 'em and give it a try :)

Mimi--You can still look at them, just not in the same way LOL

Ficklechick--No doubt!

Peebugg--Any suggestions?

Bluepaintred-That's the LEAST of that I did with them!

2:22 PM  
Blogger Chas Ravndal said...

Ohhh doughnuts... its a nice holder and also its proven that probably sex and food can join hand in hand

2:27 PM  
Blogger SupComTabz said...

What? Mr. Fab was wrong again?

That counts for more spankings.

2:35 PM  
Blogger TheHamburger said...

I guess that means your weiner isn't tiny, which is always a plus.

I don't have issues like breaking doughnuts off while banging them, which implies other issues.

2:43 PM  
Blogger michele said...

EGAD,the horror of the
images,who wants a hairy
donut.That's a lawsuit MISTER!
Stay with the blow up doll,
and never again equate the
holy donut with perverted
behavior.

4:43 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Chas--Absolutely! LOL

Supcomtabz--You know I like that!

Hamburger--Oh, plenty of issues! :)

Michele--You never had a hairy donut? How about a cruller? :)

4:48 PM  
Blogger jane said...

LOL oh my!

5:22 PM  
Blogger Tracy said...

You forgot to bring the donuts to my blog! Dammit! Quit battling or I'm going to fill up your post with comments everytime I vote!!!!!! :)

7:31 PM  
Blogger Ms Bees Knees said...

"the girth of the organ..." oh no you di'n't! my BF uses his as a hat rack or towel holder. i, on the other hand, use it for all kinds of other things...;)

7:46 PM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...

I bet you had fun testing out those hot apple pies--er--I mean fritters, didn't you?

7:47 PM  
Blogger MTR said...

Sounds.... sticky.
http://fromthemorning.blogspot.com

8:11 PM  
Blogger MTR said...

Sounds.... sticky.
http://fromthemorning.blogspot.com

8:11 PM  
Blogger Tracy said...

Hmph! I'm starting to feel like you're ignoring me! :)

8:11 PM  
Blogger gunngirl said...

Hm, I like jelly donuts, no holes there. What kinds of donuts did you use? because really, that's the most important thing.

Kidding! :)

8:12 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

ummmmmmmm.....Krispy Kreme! ;-)

8:27 PM  
Blogger Pandora said...

MMM Krispy Creme, I miss that, all we have is Dunkin Donuts...

8:54 PM  
Blogger Leave It To Cleavage said...

I added you to my sidebar...check yourself out, you know you want to!

9:16 PM  
Blogger SupComTabz said...

I think you just post about your tiger 'cuz you want comments..

comment whore!

9:31 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Jane--indeed! LOL

Tracy--I brought them, I did!

Bees--It has other uses???

Attila--It was quite an adventure!

MTR--Oh, quite :)

Gunngirl--I can send you the pictures if you like LOL

Pissy--They are heavenly, aren't they?

FCL--Yeah, but I miss Dunkin' Donuts. We had one in town but it closed years ago...

Leave--You honor me, m'lady!

Supcomtabz--Well, it only attracts comments from perverts :)

9:46 PM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

It's important for men to wash their faces immediately after orally pleasuring their women.

Otherwise, they wake up with a face like a glazed doughnut.

Sorry, it was the only doughnut/sex reference I could handle.

9:57 PM  
Blogger bozette said...

Oh I can feel my tieghs getting bigger by just reading this.

10:16 PM  
Blogger Tracy said...

Nope, no donuts yet. Might have to try another way to get them here! :)

10:21 PM  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

ROTFLMAO....

10:43 PM  
Blogger Shell said...

What, no photo blog to go with this post?

10:54 PM  
Blogger Cat said...

LOL that's great...I hope you really did test it. :P

And wait, there's more! How come you say I'm the wind beneath your wings then say it to some other girl? I'm all upset now.

10:55 PM  
Blogger Tracy said...

Uh hummm. over here?? Donuts! Now. Please! :)

11:15 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

Huh. Interesting experiment.

What I want to know is - why does the picture look like cheerios instead of like donuts?

12:30 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

The "girth" renders it useless? Were ya using yer own genitals for the testing? Hee!!!!! Sorry -- had to say that after our exchange about the chainsaw vs. genitals. Hee!!!

12:48 AM  
Blogger c.m.p. said...

This is getting repetitious. Every time I've come here, there's always some talk about your penis.

1:19 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Anne--Hold on, I'm writing this down...

Bozette--Oh, are they fattening? :)

Fantastagirl-- :)

Shell--You can't handle the truth! :)

Tracy--It's for the best. They are not good for you!

Erin--Big difference; I don't like cheerios :)

Jessica--I had to, no one else would let me use theirs...

CadenceMichelle--OK, let's talk about yours...

6:12 AM  
Blogger kattbanjo said...

Brag brag brag! Thanks for the laughs, I needed them! Love your blog
Cat

9:01 AM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

Yeah yeah yeah, your choice: DON'T answer my specific question. I get it, I will bring hangers for my wooden shoes... No worries...

11:25 AM  
Blogger Sudiegirl said...

You sure they weren't the little mini donuts?

4:29 PM  
Blogger shirley said...

Two words: sugary crust. Yum!

11:50 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Cat--LOL Thanks, I like your blog too!

Dutchy--Well, you could only hang up one at a time...


SudieGirl--What are you implying? LOL

Shirley--It's good and good for you!

5:34 AM  
Blogger kattbanjo said...

If the donut keeps breaking, try to hang something else. Mr. Catherine enjoys hanging his towel, cowboy hat, my Carmen Miranda hat, etc... then, in the superman stance, he waits for my reaction. Which I don't give.....Because that's what he wants.... I am twisted that way. So is it just donuts you hang or do you branch out to other household objects?
Cat

9:32 AM  

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