My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Crap Quest '06

We decided to head down to Daytona Beach on Saturday to engage in a foolish activity in which we indulge ourselves every few years. We like to go to Walkin' Charlie's, which is a gaming center on the boardwalk. We usually spend several hours in there, spending too much money playing stupid games for tickets that we eventually turn in for stupid prizes.

It's one of those idiotic acitivites that make no sense, but it's simple and it's fun and we have a blast doing it.

We hadn't been there in over two years, and the last time we went we didn't exchange our tickets for anything except a voucher that we could use anytime. So we already had over 20,000 points to our name even before we walked into the place. Sweet!

But first, check out the abuse and mockage I had to endure before we even made it to the interstate. Again, the perils of a mixed marriage (morning person and non-morning person).

Leaving the house I made as if to poke Mrs. Fab with two fingers, Three Stooges-style. No reaction:
Me: You are supposed to block it by putting a hand up
Her: Uh-huh
Me: You don't watch enough Stooges
Her: Oh, I have plenty of experience watching a stooge

In the car on the way to McDonald's:
Me: I didn't get much sleep last night
Her: Uh huh
Me: I'm liable to get pretty punchy by this afternoon
Her: (rolling her eyes) Oh, that'll be a treat

In the drive-thru, after I lean over her and try to order spaghetti:
Her: Knock it off
Me: I don't hafta
Her: (punches me in the chest)
Me: Ow! I'm putting that on my blog!
Her: Yeah? (holds up a fist) Then no sense in having it go in there alone...

See how it is? See what I have to put up with?

Anyway, a little over two hours later, we're in Daytona Beach and on the boardwalk. Only to find that there is no more Walkin' Charlie's. It's gone.


We ask around, and it turns out the owner closed it after the last big hurricane a couple of years ago.


Well, they had another gaming center there, Mardi Gras, so we went there. They didn't have most of my favorite games, but we made the best of it, and still had a great time.

It sucks that we didn't get to use those 20K points we had held onto, but we still managed to rack up more than 13,000 points. These pictures suck because I was taking them with my cell phone and I had hard time seeing the screen in the sunshine.

I took this baby down for two different jackpots. Oh yeah!

Mr. Fab loves him some skee-ball!

After we played for a couple of hours we turned in our tickets for a voucher, and then went down a couple of doors to have lunch. We love Graziano's. And as always, it was very tasty. And as we were eating, we hit upon an idea for a contest. Very exciting.

Then after lunch I turned Mrs. Fab loose at the prize counter with instructions to get the tackiest stuff she could find. She did an excellent job. I'll show you what she picked out in a minute.

On the way back we took a detour to Pierson, Florida. I had done a special blood drive in Pierson years ago for a young man who was going to be undergoing surgery for spina bifida. Pierson is the fern capital of the world. Did you know that?

It is also the birthplace of Atlanta Braves star Chipper Jones. It is fortunate for Chipper that he could play ball. Otherwise he would still be in Pierson. And a shithole.

And from that day forth, at least for me, the town ceased to be known as Pierson and instead will always be thought of in my mind as The Town That Made My Balls Itch. I was scratching the whole time we were there: getting gas, getting a snack, driving around...

Just call me Mr. Itchy.

Before turning back on SR 40 we stopped at a place that sold all sorts of sculptures. Mrs. Fab was especially enamored of the nine foot chicken:

It cost about 2 grand. It caused much giggling as we recalled Chicken Boo from the Animaniacs. "Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you/You don't act like the other chickens do/You wear a disguise to look like human guys/But you're not a man, you're a Chicken Boo"

Good stuff.Anyway, once we got home, we laid out all the booty.

Oh, and I realized later that day the reason my balls had been itchy was in all liklihood because I had mistakenly wore the same pair of underwear that I had worn the day before. Day two of the same pair? Not so fresh.

Live and learn.

Here's our craptastic haul:

Stuffed boardwalk bear, fish scene pen holder, dragon necklace, ashtray, puka shell necklace, pocket knife, shot glass, handcuffs, dolphin keychain & bottle opener, candy-filled bling pendant, skeleton on surfboard.

That's quite a load of crap. It's craperiffic! It's craptacular! It's crapnificent!

And it's all your if you win this week's contest. Details will be posted tomorrow. The contest will run until Friday. Mrs. Fab will be doing the judging.

OK. I gotta go do 5K now. Damn it. Fab out.


Anonymous KAREN said...

So glad I came here first thing this morning.....
I'm laughing...and it's SOOOOO early!!!

Thank you, dear.

4:56 AM  
Blogger nanuk said...

Dibs on the surfboard skeleton.

5:35 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

darn it nanuk, I wanted that! ok dibs on my second choice, handcuffs (are they real or plastic? I prefer plastic, 'cause you just never know!

5:41 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Note: The winner of the contest gets EVERYTHING.

Hmm. No surprise Lorraine wanted the handcuffs...

5:55 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

Nice Crap! Ewww to the day 2 underwear...LOL you should include them unwashed in the contest prize! I cant wait!

5:59 AM  
Blogger Spider Walk said...

Sounds like you two had a perfectly glorious day together. I love all the crap the Missus picked out!

Sorry about your itchy balls. That will teach ya not to double dip your whitie tighties eh?

Can't wait to see what the contest is!

6:05 AM  
Blogger CanadianSwiss said...

Thanks for the good laugh! And Yay! Another Fab contest!! I'll be watching out for it.

6:41 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

OK...well, if Mel wins I'll include a pair of two-day worn underwear. These will also be available upon request to anyone else who wins and, for whatever weird and twisted reason, wants them LOL.

And for the record, while they ARE briefs, they are not white. I usually wear red or black. Seriously.

Holy crap. Is that ANOTHER reason why I might be gay?

6:51 AM  
Blogger Sandi said...

The winner gets everything? Awesome!
I am soooooo gonna win this contest.. I can just feel it! :)

6:51 AM  
Anonymous Va Va Voom said...

"Then no sense in having it go in there alone..." hehe. I like that! :D

8:02 AM  
Blogger Sherry said...

Handcuffs! lol
What in the world would anyone do with that chicken? I mean, is is a yard decoration for people in Alabama? =)

8:25 AM  
Blogger Big Ben said...

I go to Dave and Busters once and a while, like to take home stickers or really bouncy balls. Chipper Jones is a punk.

8:48 AM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

What we don't get to win the huge cock eerrr chicken??

9:21 AM  
Blogger Nobody said...

What a load of crap.

9:41 AM  
Blogger Detroiter said...

Your pictures had me drooling. I'm such a Skee-Ball slut.

Two-day old underwear and you get itchy? Alas, you are a sensitive one. My husband manages five days without the itch. Is he a manly man, or what?

10:05 AM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

I want the skeleton on the skateboard.

10:06 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Sandi--Feeling lucky? :)

VaVa--She doesn't mess around, does she?

Sherry--I'm pretty sure you hit the nail on the head!

Ben--No love for Chipper?

Beady--You dirty dirty girl!

Nobody--No question!

Detrioter--Apparently there is a thin line between a manly man and a hobo...

Anne--It's all or nothing, cupcake!

10:29 AM  
Blogger Serra said...

You really should split such an excellent haul into First, Second and Third prizes.

10:31 AM  
Blogger D said...

Red? That's a little gay.

I like the chicken too.

10:36 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

I really miss Chicken Boo. I use to love watching Animaniacs!

10:39 AM  
Blogger Dr. Cissa Fireheart said...

LOL I remember going to Daytona in my college days and playing games on the boardwalk with a hangover from partying at the clubs or the hotel the night before....ahhh the memories.

I think I had one of those ashtrays, and I KNOW I had the bottle opener!

I discovered your blog from Laurie - Stranded in Suburbia. And now you are on the blgoroll! ;)

Yay! A Florida Blogger! I miss Florida...*sigh*

11:01 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

HEYYYY! I LOVE tacky craptacular stuff! I haven't been to Daytona Beach in YEARS!

Hmmm... maybe this weekend. Gotta brush up on my skee-ball skills...;)

11:07 AM  
Blogger ozymandiaz said...

Yo, Mr. Fab
I could definitely find use for the shot glass and the handcuffs.
I see you’re from hogtown (this is my first visit to your blog). I go there occasionally, like whenever I go to work (which I avoid at every possible occasion). I live in what is referred to as the armpit of the county. I only refer to it as that when we smell Palatka's pulp wood plant in over here.

11:26 AM  
Blogger ozymandiaz said...

You're supposed to turn them inside out on the second day...

11:27 AM  
Blogger ❉ pixie ❉ said...

I love Skee-ball! And crappy swag. This place rocks.

11:45 AM  
Blogger Amber said...

That stuff is HOTT. Definitely merits the use of two ts. And I too am a skee ball-aholic -- my dad and I used to play that until we thought our arms might leap out of the socket and follow the ball down the lane.

12:02 PM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

so is the contest open to all bloggers? im in canada LOL, i agree that day two on undies sholud be inside out, white sucks cus no matter how much u jiggle and shake the last drop always ... u know

ur wife reminds me of me.. thats good, i think if she can hit you and u can still blog about it, its a good relationship... now if she was hitting u and you made door nob excuses... that would be gay!

12:03 PM  
Blogger Blogarita said...

I always figured you as an Underoos sort of guy.

12:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i would wipe the floor with you at skee-ball. just saying... [woop-woop-woop pokes two figers at you]

12:05 PM  
Blogger CanadianSwiss said...

Well, lovey. I'm afraid you have gay genes (at least). No white undies??

But I'll go for the 2-wear and tear ones. I'd frame and pvfvjnhang those up!

12:38 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Serra--All or nothing, winner takes all, to the victor go the spoils! :)

Dene--I can live with a little gay :)

Pud--Wasn't that an awesome show?

Cissa--Thanks for coming by! :)

Stacy--We should have coordinated the trip and met you there!

Ozy--Oh....inside out...What is the armpit of the county? Hmm...

Pixie--Thanks, you rock too!

12:51 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Amber--Yeah, it's definitely a gas!

Bluepaintred--Of course, we love our neighbors to the north here! :)

Blogarita--Damn it, my secret is out...

Bees Knees--It is SO ON, girl! Bring it!

CS--Well, I HAVE white, but I only wear them when I run out of the others.

12:54 PM  
Blogger zhadi said...

The surfboard skeleton is sweet. And I'm in agreement with the idea that you should split the haul three ways to give us all a better chance to WIN that surfboard skeleton...

1:06 PM  
Blogger kari said...

I LOVE Skeeball!

1:38 PM  
Blogger T. said...

Oooh! I love skee-ball, too. Many happy memories of playing Skee-ball at the arcade at the Hadley Mall. You ever been there, Fab? Then, the mall went to shit and now it's all been renovated and very busy again.

2:50 PM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...

I think I'm in love with Mrs. Fab.

....she married?

3:16 PM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

While I'm waiting for the contest to begin, I thought I'd come back and commiserate with you on the itchy nuts. Not that I have nuts, per se, but when I get that itching and burning in my squish mitten, I just wanna take a bottle brush and scrub the hell out of it, yanno? Like, steel wool seems attractive after a few hours with a skeezy koozie.

So change yer damned gay underpants!

3:16 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

I love me some skeeball, too!


4:27 PM  
Blogger Lori said...

When my son was 3 Walking Charlies was his favorite place to go.

4:44 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Zhadi--If you want the skeleton bad enough you work hard to win the contest! :)

Kari--It's the best!

T--Oh yeah, and up at Mountain Park too! That and mini-golf.

Attila--Hold on, I'll check...

Anne--LMAO @ squish mitten

Lori and Laurie--Let's all play!

5:13 PM  
Blogger A Bottle Of Red said...

LOL looks like you all have a great time. Good for the better half for not taking any lip!

no board walks around here in Virginia like that.. its depressing. When we go home to New jersey for a visit we will have to go because now I have a craving for Funel cake and custard ice cream!

5:35 PM  
Blogger Lynda said...

I thought you and Mrs. Fab would want to keep those handcuffs. lol!

I love skee ball! I haven't had experience with itchy balls though.

6:40 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

I'm with Mel....

You HAVE to include a pair of your underwear!

7:23 PM  
Blogger Kayla said...

It's Craptabulous! are hilarious.
The convo with your wife almost had me in the floor :)
I dropped in via Sherry's blog

10:51 PM  
Blogger marty said...

$500 for a stuffed animal. Well, worth it.

2:21 AM  
Anonymous Nunya said...

Keep the crap. My kids accumulate enough crap on their own. I'll be generous and let someone else win, lol.

5:05 AM  
Anonymous dreamwalker said...

Great stuff!! I have a thing for dragons...and handcuffs :)

I'll bet Pierson doesn't come close to the island for ferns..they are weeds over here, in fact we have tree fern jungles :)

6:46 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Jaws--Custard ice cream? I've never heard of it...

Lynda--Oh, we've got PLENTY of handcuffs!

Pissy--Oh I will!

Kayla--Thanks, and thanks for dropping by!

Marty--You accountants are so practical!

Nynya--You just don't think you could win LOL

Dreamwalker--I've never heard anybody talk smack about ferns before!

7:02 AM  
Anonymous dreamwalker said...

Heh..ignorant me had to look that up, although I guessed right :)

Found This (You may have seen it before?)

8:00 AM  
Blogger Lori said...

Custard ice cream.......
you dont know what you are missing out on that stuff is YUMMIE!

8:05 AM  
Blogger cherish said...

WOOO HOOO I Love arcades and the old games. I could stay there for hours. I love everything about it, well not everything I feel as if I have to disinfect my hands when I leave there but other than that it is lots of fun!!!

11:47 AM  
Blogger Tenacious T said...

I LOVE days like that. What fun! Lots of great crap you got there.

I'd be on the side of Mrs. Fab with the morning thing. I say you had a punch coming your way. ;) I am one grumpy puppy in approached too early in the day.

10:19 AM  

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