My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

A fistful of puppies!

You may be wondering why I refer to my yippee-ki-aye-ride-em-cowboy supersonic goo spewin’ love rocket as more of a Shetland Pony than an Arabian Stallion.

Just trying to lower the expectations, my friends.

In the event I ever have sex with any of you, I want you to be pleasantly surprised.

Under-promise and over-deliver. That’s what Mrs. Fab always says.

Although I don't think she ever considered the statement in quite that context.

I've been getting my tuches handed to me in Battle of the Blogs on Blog Explosion this month. The last two months my record has been well above .500, but so far in May I am struggling at 10-11. In some of these battles I have been creamed by what I consider to be some weak blogs.

Either I am a victim of a well-orchestrated conspiracy masterminded by my arch-nemesis Star Jones, or the middle of the road denizens of Blogdom don't care for my recent posts about penises, lemur sperm, and self gratification.

Damn you, Star Jones!

Jennifer did me a solid at work yesterday. Earlier in the week I had arranged to rent a karoake machine for the party. But a few days later a friend of mine put me in touch with a guy who provides the service. He charges a good rate, and he has over 5000 songs, so I booked him.

The problem was, I had already paid for the machine rental. And I felt really bad about cancelling it and asking for my money back because the salesperson, Cathy, really went out of her way to find me a machine in the system. Plus I don't know why ( maybe she liked that sexy voice that so many of you have auditory hallucinations about) but out of the blue she asked me if I was single because she wanted to fix me up with her sister.

Huh?

Anyway, I felt bad about cancelling. So I asked Jennifer to call and pose as my wife and do it for me. I told her it was a golden opportunity to be able to call me an idiot. As in "My husband is an idiot, I didn't tell him to rent a machine!" Or, as Amanda wanted her to say "I told him there is no way we are having a party in this fucking house!"

She's cool. She did it. And she was even pretty nice. I don't think she called me any names.

She does enough of that under her breath.

22 Comments:

Blogger Chelle said...

5000 songs?? Oh I SOOO wanna come to this party!! lol

1:02 AM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

Yeah, I'm sorry to miss it, too. I'd even bring my own lemur.

1:39 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

Huh. So where do I get this bus? And the real question - does the bus have a karaoke machine? Because if it does, it's gonna be a long ride...

I've been losing to some really weird blogs lately in battle of the blogs, too. I think I'm not going to play anymore. I've decided it's a conspiracy. Who is Star Jones?

2:05 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Chelle--You GOTTA come! You will be the LIFE of the party!

Anne--I'll show you my lemur if you show me yours...

Erin--Yeah, I think something is up. I am getting creamed by blogs with weak comment and very poor records.

Star Jones is a no talent goofball on The View. I LOVE that you don't know who she is. News must travel slow in Alaska.

BTW, just pick the bus up at your nearest Greyhound station. I've cleared it. Trust me.

Can you hotwire a bus?

2:12 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Sigh...I meant "weak content" not "weak comment".

I'm such a dork.

3:07 AM  
Blogger gunngirl said...

Any Foghat on the machine? Just kidding.

I like the 'no party in this f*cking house' reason. LOL!

I say go all out when you do karoke. TIME TO ROCK! I wanna come and sing Cyndi Lauper.

4:23 AM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

Geezzz... you are just like MY boss... although I have no problem calling him names to his face... really nasty ones...

5:47 AM  
Blogger Roonie said...

I'm not sure what Battle of the Blogs entails...

5:56 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I think Jennifer's cool

6:34 AM  
Blogger Sandi said...

sniff, I have been having so much trouble getting on to your comment page to comment the last coupla days.
I think it might be a conspiracy and maybe Star is behind this one, too.. or the other contestants in the contest.. I dunno...I am not sure.
Anyway.. I loved the audio post.. it made me laugh! and
I think Jennifer rocks...she is cool to do that for you!
I can't imagine having 5000 songs to choose from!
Can I come as Chelle's guest?

7:25 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Gunngirl--Foghat? LOL. Come on down, we'll save "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" just for you!

Dutch--But you wouuldn't do that to me, right? :)

Roonie--It's a Blog Explosion thing. Don't get involved, it's addicting! LOL

Lorraine--Yeah, she has her good days LOL. Amanda is actually cooler. Of course, I'm the coolest of all! :)

Sandi--You're invited regardless, but you can come as Chelle's guest if you want!

Yeah, blogger has been freaky lately...

7:47 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Women love to call us idiots ...and hey.....she was given the green light to boot.

8:15 AM  
Blogger Blogarita said...

Under-promise and over-deliver. That’s what Mrs. Fab always says.

Mrs. Fab is a customer service guru! Can I borrow her to spread her message to Landmark Dodge and a few other business around here?

10:20 AM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

No No No, unless you need that in addition to the wooden shoes... The Nasty Talking... of course...

10:54 AM  
Blogger Suze said...

I would love to come along but I can't sing. Oh, and one other problem, I'm in th UK. :(

11:40 AM  
Blogger Lynda said...

I hope after that Jennifer is rehired. And give her a raise! She deserves it!!

1:05 PM  
Anonymous Blair Bitch said...

Fab, I would have to say, that some people probably don't get your humor and your obsession over lemurs and your penis probably don't help your chances of winning on BE!

1:41 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Mike--You're right, they can't pass up an opportunity like that

Blogarita--Absolutely. I'll send her right over!

Dutch--Shall I bring tulips?

Suze--Get your butt on a plane! LOL

Lynda--Oh God, I hope she doesn't read this...

Blair--Well it doesn't help that you don't play and so can't vote for me anymore! LOL

3:38 PM  
Anonymous dreamwalker said...

This party is a going to be a blast...dang I'm so far away! Record a song for us otherside-of-the-worlders....group song at the partay :)

5:32 PM  
Anonymous Blair Bitch said...

Well Fab, I HAVE been thinking about rejoining BE again just so I can see if I can kick your silly old ass again. See you there...if you're up for a little competition!

10:02 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Dreamwalker--That is an excellent idea!

Blair Bitch--Oh, it is SO on, cupcake! LOL

6:29 AM  
Blogger CanadianSwiss said...

When is the party exactly??

7:11 AM  

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