My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Stalker's Guide to Mr. Fabulous

I am distressed. I have no stalkers. How can I be a blogging icon if I have no stalkers? Toward that end, I have decided to make it easier on y'all.

Here is where I work. I think my office is the third window on the first floor from the left in the picture. I think. You would think I would know. Of course, this is only where I work until the transfer comes through.

Eventually I will work here, across town at the branch. No windows. I will work out of a bunker-like office. It will be a race to see which will kill me first, the lead paint or the asbestos. Or the rats may overpower me and chew me to death one afternoon. Won't that be nice?

This is where I bring my work clothes. No starch on the shirts. The woman who works there in the morning is from Michigan. Why do I mention that? Because it is hard to find anything to say about a dry cleaner.

This is where I tan. This is where the magic happens. The home of the brown nipples!

This is where I get my gasoline and also where I get my big ass Diet Coke fountain drink in the morning. Every morning they ask me if I want a car wash and every morning I say no. But still they ask. You have to admire that kind of indefatigable optimism.

Here is where we get our groceries. I do most of the grocery shopping. I like plastic bags, I never get the paper. I felt you needed to know that.

I am in here a lot. Ice cream. Low fat. Low carb. And delicious. I usually get some variation of chocolate. I like chocolate. Yesterday I had chocolate cappacino.

And this is Casa del Fab. The Fortress of Solitude. My sanctuary.

Come on by. I'll leave the door unlocked. I like to encourage intruders.


Blogger Great Day said...

First time here, I can over from Dawn @ so a blonde walks into a blog.

This was hilarious, I will be back, but I've never been really great stalker material. Too clumsy!

12:36 AM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

LMAO seriously if i knew what part of the world you lived in.. i assume the US, id stalk you... which reminds me, i never did get around to reading your full profile......

12:43 AM  
Blogger Shelli said...

I already knew about all those places. Didn't you see me hiding in the bushes, behind the gas pumps and behind cars? In fact the pictures I took look very similar to yours. Freaky deaky!

1:41 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I'm anti-social, stalking someone would really irritate me. But I find your begging very appealing!

5:18 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

Its too hot to stalk you right now. do you mind if I wait until fall?

5:21 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Great Day--Thanks for stopping by! Yes, to be a good stalker these days one must be stealthy :)

Bluepaintred--There is always time to get up to speed...

Shelli--Of course I spotted you. You are the only one wearing a big heavy cowboy hat in this heat :)

Lorraine--Can you teach me to be antisocial? Please?

Mel--Good point. Stalking in Florida is best done in November.

6:12 AM  
Blogger Leave It To Cleavage said...

You have to not want the stalkers. The stalkers are now just thinking that you're pathetic and that you're begging, it's kind of sad. On the other hand, you have a very nice house. :)

6:27 AM  
Blogger kattbanjo said...

I used to stalk you until I learned you can download little tools to help you see who's been on and how long!! Took the fun right out of it! Now I restrain myself. Am glad to see the home of the moooood nipppples!!!!You should get a yard sign with that on it, maybe a licsense plate!!!

6:56 AM  
Blogger Pandora said...

No need to leave the door unlocked, just the keys to the Santa Fe..

7:40 AM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

You can't see it in the last picture, but I'm hiding in the bushes, off to the side of the red SUV.

Dressed as a giant piece of celery.

I'm a celery stalker.

8:24 AM  
Blogger Sandi said...

Loved looking at the pix!

8:43 AM  
Blogger Finn said...

Turn around. I'm right behind you. ;)

9:28 AM  
Blogger Blogarita said...

Maybe it's just me, but I'd have a problem taking my clothes to a cleaner called "Rip's". But, hey, maybe you're into that tattered look.

9:37 AM  
Blogger speckledpup said...

I was going to stalk you. But geez, can't you go anywhere exciting?

make it interesting for me.

9:39 AM  
Blogger Sudiegirl said...

You should have left your phone number for work/home/cell/tanning salon as well.

No stalking experience is truly complete without cryptic phone calls.

Hope you have a good week.

10:07 AM  
Blogger D said...

I appreciate the effort you put in to soliciting my stalking talents, however we have a waiting list right now. Please fill out an application and you will hear from us in 2-3 months.

10:17 AM  
Blogger Suze said...

If only I lived a little closer I would be over with my own chocolate fountain. ;)

11:05 AM  
Blogger Nobody said...

My evil plan is now coming together...

11:06 AM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

all this info comes in very handy for when I am there visiting in September. heeeheee

11:15 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Leave--You're right, I am going about this the wrong way...Hey, nobody better be stalking me!

Katt--Or maybe some business cards...

Frenchy--But you are getting your Tuscon, silly!

CP--That cracked me up!!!


Megan--Don't freak me out like that! I've been turning around all morning because of that!

Blogarita--I never thought of that. I usually think of it as Rest In Peace's :)

Pup--Strip clubs and meth labs coming up!

Sudiegirl--I have so much to learn!

Suze--I like the sound of that! :)

Nobody--As only your evil plans can!

D--Damn red tape!

11:18 AM  
Blogger Gary J. Wood said...

Lat/long coordinates? Military grid reference? C'mon, at least give us a Google Maps link.

11:22 AM  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

lmao! I'll never understand people who live in Florida yet still pay for tanning! PLEASE explain this one to me! lol

12:17 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

hey! You had stalkers!


When we were campaigning for "Sexiest Male Blogger"?

Not too much fun that time..... :(

p.s. Nice house

12:32 PM  
Blogger cherish said...

Fantastic this should make it much easier to stalk you. Woooo hoooo convertible PT Cruiser go go go!!! When I kidnap you that is what we will be driving so have the keys ready.

1:20 PM  
Blogger CanadianSwiss said...

So when can we break in (time please)!? Or have any address where we can just walk in uninvited ;-)

I can stalk a bit and you can check it on your stats. Should I??

2:11 PM  
Blogger ❉ pixie ❉ said...

Would you then be the stalk-ee? What are you doing tanning at a salon? Don't you have all kinds of access to sun in Florida?

2:39 PM  
Blogger Trish said...

First time visiting - followed the link from ... erm.. dammit. I've checked out a few blogs today, so I can't remember.. one of 'em, anyway. :)

I live in Canada, so stalking is gonna be a bit of a problem. May I apply for the position of Virtual Stalker?

3:46 PM  
Blogger T. said...

I've been doing a really good job then if you think you don't have any stalkers;)

4:13 PM  
Blogger Maidink said...

*prints info and gets ready for road trip*

Alrighty then.

See ya in the frozen food aisle at Publix.

4:46 PM  
Blogger Plunky said...

LOL! You want a stalker??? Um, did Mrs Fab see this post?

5:20 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Beady---Can't wait!

Gary--Geez, you want everything just handed to you LOL

Webmiztris--It's a time issue mostly :)

Pissy--That's true--that was a rough patch!

Cherish--I'll make sure the keys are handy LOL

CS--Break in anytime! I'd like that! :)

Pixie--Who told you Florida was sunny???

Trish--Sure, I can always use another virtual stalker, thanks for caring :)

T--Well, I figured you were a professional...

Maidink--I'll be near the chicken nuggets...

Deb--She encourages this behavior LOL

5:38 PM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...

You're having waaaaaay too much fun with that camera, dude. LOL

5:43 PM  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

The stalkee (you) isn't supposed to know that you are being stalked by the stalker (me).... Geesh, do we have to go over the rules again. I've been stalking you for like years now....

7:17 PM  
Blogger Pandora said...

Why PAY for a Tuson when I can get a Santa Fe for FREE ;-P

8:44 PM  
Blogger SupComTabz said...

I'd stalk you.. but I'm so lazy and far away.

9:20 PM  
Blogger Gary J. Wood said...

Never mind, I got it.

9:46 PM  
Blogger GrizzBabe said...

I may stalk you just to live in that adorable little house! If you hear noise in the middle of the night, it's just me getting a snack in the kitchen.

10:10 PM  
Blogger ablondeblogger said...

So now I know where to put all of those survellience cameras I you planted around my house!

10:16 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Attila--You may have a point!

Fantastgirl--Could you write it down for me, please?

Frenchy--I should have thought of that!

Tabz--You need to APPLY yourself!

Gary--hey, I can see my house from here!

Grizzbabe--Just make sure you clean up after yourself!

ABB--You wouldn't dare! LOL

10:27 PM  
Blogger shirley said...

Now I'm definitely coming to your next party!

11:25 PM  
Anonymous Blair Bitch said...

You forgot exit 390. And just so you know that I'm not talking out my ass and that I have actually stopped at your exit before, there's a Burger King, a Mickey D's and an Arby's all in that General Location. The Mickey D's is inside a gas station. See? You've made it even easier for me to find you now.

BTW, can't you just lay out back to get brown nipples?!

3:45 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Shirley--You better!

Blair--Very close! No Arby's though. I think you got it confused with Wendy's.

5:19 AM  
Blogger TW said...

Why Dailys for the gas instead of the cheaper Citgo next door? I know they don't have diet coke but, you can always stop at dailys for the coke, or the Starbucks and get coffee.

7:26 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

TW--Hmm...Now you've got me thinking. If you are someone I work with, you are one of two possible TW's...

8:18 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

You are absolutely going to mess yourself when you see me outside your Publix waiting to help you unload your groceries! ;)

8:22 AM  
Anonymous TW said...

Nope, don't work with you. Sorry. I just frequent the same side of town. I ate dinner near your dry cleaners tonight.

7:27 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Stacy--Hay, I'd be happy for the help!

TW--Northwest Grill? Joes? David's?

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nah, not that close, the thai place.

6:50 AM  
Blogger Her Uber Cuteness said...

hey Mr Fab...
I like that bay window looking out over the driveway...
I have a window thing... I always wanna know who's coming my way, and with a window like that, I could sit back in my easy chair and have no fear...
well, maybe a little!!
much love to the blog!!!

1:30 PM  

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