Where customer service came to die...

Birmingham.

Shit.

I'm still in Birmingham.

When I am in Atlanta, the best part of being there is the restaurants. The selection, service, and food never disappoints.

When I am in Birmingham, the opposite is true. It is all wretched.

Public service announcement: If you are traveling through Alabama on Route 65, DO NOT get off on exit 255 (Lakeshore) for something to eat.

Sadly, I have no choice. My hotel is on State Farm Parkway, which is an access road to Lakeshore. And State Farm and Lakeshore are where all the restaurants are.

So when I am in Birmingham, I always face the diffcult decision about where to eat.

Landry's Seafood where we once sat down at our table and were completely ignored for at least fifteen minutes? We finally stormed out (well, I stormed, Jennifer followed) and after making a cutting remark at the hostess, were followed out the door by the manager pleading with us to come back and that he would comp our meal.

We kept going. Of course Jennifer wanted to take him up on it. She is all about free stuff.

Maybe I'll eat at Chili's. I remember an evening at Chili's where it took me so long to get a bottled water that I seriously considered taking hostages until they paid my ransom of a damn bottle of Dasani.

Lonestar Steakhouse? I was there with Mike and Rebecca one night, and the foot was horrific. The salads were soggy, the soup was cold, the meat was borderline inedible (I think it was squirrel) and they ran out of straws.

How do you run out of straws? Walk up to the damn Bruno's Supermarket and buy a box, fuckball.

And speaking of Bruno's, I've waited so long to get served at the deli that I had to shave midway through the making of my sub.

Oh, maybe I can eat at O'Charley's. I was not at all put off by the fact that the one time I was there the whole place smelled like urine. You might as well serve me my food in the damn men's room.

Of course, there's an Outback Steakhouse. I can't remember what the specific problem was with Outback. But I know there was one. On more than one occasion.

And last night I ate at the Lonestar Steakhouse again. They started to clean and spray Pinesol everywhere an hour before the restaurant was due to close. Good thing we had already finished eating. The smell was nauseating.

This is likely my last time in Birmingham ever.

I am not broken up about it.