My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Fear of flying? Not so much...

My sister Shelli has been on my case about getting this post done. Happy, sis? Geez, is this what it's gonna be like around here now? :)

Back when I did that quiz to see how much everyone knew about me, the question that tripped the most people up was the one about what I was afraid of. Everyone who knew me personally got it wrong, even Mrs. Fabulous. It was kind of a trick question, because everyone who knows me knows that I don’t like to fly. But I am not afraid of flying. I actually think the flying part is kind of cool.

Then why don’t I like to fly?

Because everything else about the process freaks me out. I become this neurotic paranoid person that I don’t recognize. Irrationality becomes the order of the day for me.

I can be a total control freak, and I think the necessity to surrender all control during the entire process is the catalyst behind my behavior.

I have to get to the airport hours before I need to, because I’m convinced that I might make a wrong turn and get lost and miss the flight. I check the map every 10 minutes, even when I’m on the interstate.

I have a horrible time navigating airport parking lots and it is very easy for me to start to panic that I’m not going to find what I am looking for. Last year I was traveling with Mike and I had to bring him to Hartsfield Airport in Atlanta so he could get a rental car and we couldn’t find the rental agency and had to keep driving around the airport. I thought I was going to completely freak out. I actually broke out in a sweat while trying to not let him see my distress.

When I do manage to get parked and into the airport I have to find my gate right away, to make sure it's there and I know where it is. Then I have to make sure I can always see it from where I am. I check my ticket every ten minutes, either to make sure I still have it, or to make sure the gate number and flight number and whatever other numbers are on it are right.

I stress about whether the plane will board on time. Take off on time. Arrive on time. God forbid I have a connecting flight--that will ramp up the anxiety tenfold. Twentyfold. More.

I stress about whether or not there will be enough room in the overhead for my stuff. I stress about who I am going to have to sit next to. I stress about whether or not I will forget which overhead bin my stuff is in. If I had to check luggage I stress about whether it will be there when we land. What if it got diverted somewhere else? What if someone took it? What if I can't find the right place to pick it up?

Is someone waiting to pick me up? Where will they be? What if they are late? How will I know where to find them? Am I getting a rental car? How do I know which shuttle to take? How will I find my way out of there once I have the car? If I go to the bathroom will I miss my flight?

It's a nightmare. And what is probably more stressful than anything else is trying to make it seem that I'm not worried about any of those things. I don't want people thinking I'm a nutjob.

Which, obviously, I am.


Blogger Pud said...

There is this fabulous medication called "Xanax" for your little freak out problem. Ever check into it?

8:19 AM  
Blogger Lynda said...

Sheesh. I worry about missing the plane, but once I am in the airport, I am ok. Of course, I have to be within walking distance of my gate.

One day I will have to tell you about the time I missed my flight. And my sister was having a brain tumor removed. Yeah. Not fun. I needed a Xanax then.

8:28 AM  
Blogger Shelli said...

Thank you. For giving me things to worry about next week when I travel. I am great, aren't I? First I nag you to get this post done and then I complain that you are freaking me out when you finally do. All I can say is that's what sisters are for.

8:31 AM  
Blogger ❉ pixie ❉ said...

wow...this makes me want to drink.

8:33 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Obviously a nut job.

But we loves you anyways....;)

Next time, get completely ripped before you board the plane. Believe me, it helps.


8:45 AM  
Blogger kattbanjo said...

I also hate to fly! I don't like anything I can't get out of immediately if I don't like it. This also applies to rollercoasters, merry-go-rounds, boats, anything involving straps and restraints!! We all have our little neurosies don't we?????

9:14 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

My fear about airports always seem to center around not finding their bar.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Finn said...

I must agree with Pud. Better living through chemistry, bro.

Remind me never to travel with you. I'd have to kill you. And I would take much pleasure in it because you would be harshing my travel mellow. Airports are the best thing about traveling...

10:09 AM  
Blogger Dr. Cissa Fireheart said...

I have the same issues about flying Mr. Fab. I am willing to bet it's because the first time I flew by myself, I lost some luggage, got stranded at BWI in a snow storm and couldn't find the way back to the airport the next day when my boyfriend (who lived in Maryland) drove me there.

nearly 12 years and quite a few flights later, I am still the hyper sensitive attention freak when it comes to flying. I even watch the safty demo with acute care because I am afraid we WILL have a water landing.....

10:12 AM  
Blogger Blogarita said...

I like flying. I like watching people at the airport. I like having the window seat on the plane. I like the funny feeling in my stomach when the plane takes off.

I guess it doesn't take much to amuse me.

10:13 AM  
Blogger speckledpup said...

Bro: so cool that you can actually share all that with us.

Most of us feel some sort of that...I'll admit you have the extreme case, but we all have a little of that anxiety.
Drugs, sweetie, and lots of 'em.

I love to fly so I must have gotten a different genetic strain of the 'family'.

I'm not saying you're not really my real bro or that mom was a skank or anything like that... I would never....

oh never mind.

Kisses, from your baby sis. (keep my pink thong panties, they're yours now) (maybe you could wear them while you fly, it'll put your mind somewhere else...definitely.)

10:34 AM  
Blogger Suze said...

LMAO. Maybe you should do like me and hit the bar for a few drinks. Then shop a little.

Finally follow all that up with thoughts of how does anyone manage to join the mile high club in those toilets.

For one there is usually a queue and then there is the flight attendant stood only a few feet away from the door.

If anyone knows how to smuggle your partner in to the toilet with being seen. Then how do you both manage to get down to it without flying out the door and landing right at the feet of some poor old dear. LOL

Or is that just me?

I think I have just given myself an idea for a post on my blog. Thanks.

10:51 AM  
Blogger michele said...

Hey fab,that reminds me how
about a rendition of Steve
Millers "JetAirliner" or
Fly like an eagle.

11:12 AM  
Blogger Karl said...

Wow, I think we're twins separated by parents. I'm as neurotic as you are. I love the flying itself, just not all the crap I have to worry about in order to get in the air.

12:14 PM  
Blogger Tracy said...

Um, yeah, do you think it's appropriate, a whore such as yourself, battling a blog about the bible and such??


5:24 PM  
Blogger Plunky said...

I used to have all those problems too. You do need some kind of sedative me thinks. worked wonders for me!

5:35 PM  
Blogger Itchy said...

I feel that way if I just have to pick somebody up at the airport. If I have to fly...Ativan is my co-pilot.

6:08 PM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

Yeah, what PUD said. ;o)

Truthfully, I'd just love to get away for a weekend. Even if it was in a two seater airplane going through a hurricane. I'm not fussy right now.

6:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It sounds like you got some control issues. You need one of those wonderous pills that will mellow you out a bit.

8:20 PM  
Blogger Chelle said...

I dotn think thats abnormal. I'm srue many people experience a lot of the same things about flying!! I know I do... ;)

8:50 PM  
Anonymous B said...

I always have to get there early and I sit right near my gate. I don't think you're as crazy as ya think!

Psssst, I put in a bid!

9:23 PM  
Blogger Sandi said...

LOL.. are you sure MY husband didn't write this?
medication my dear man, medication. :)

9:48 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

A little obsessive-compulsive aren't you...I'm the same!
Forget about sedatives, then you can't control anything, you're too woohooo ;)

6:14 AM  
Blogger Some Girl said...

Geez! I got stressed just reading that post!! LOL

11:43 AM  
Anonymous Amanda said...

EVERYBODY stresses about those things when they fly. I fly a lot, with the family being in Chicalgo and all, and I seriously do not eat or drink the entire day when I fly, because I'm afraid I'll be in the bathroom and miss my flight. Or worse, that I'll have to go during takeoff or landing when you're not alowed to leave your seat. True story.

10:06 AM  
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2:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's not the "flying" that I would mind, as opposed to the "falling" like 10,000 feet from the sky. And "smashing" into mountains or oceans. "Flying" would be the least of my worries.

8:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also like how those little liquor bottles you get on the plane fit nicely into my breast pocket. I like to snag them when the stewardess isn't looking. Dad taught me that one.

8:10 PM  

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