My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Relationship Questions

There have always been two things that have puzzled me for a long time about some relationships. One concerns bathroom habits and the other revolves around money. I don't understand either one.

It is a complete mystery to me why some couples feel comfortable going to the bathroom in front of each other. Especially #2. Isn't that taking the level of intimacy a little too far? Personally, I think some things should remain a mystery. Heck, sometimes I close the door if I'm just brushing my teeth. In my view, unless you are in prison, there is no real need to do your business in front of other people. Am I a prude?

What about you? Do you go to the bathroom in front of your spouse or significant other?

The other thing I have never understood is married couples who keep their finances separate. As soon as Mrs. Fab and I moved in together we pooled our money. I know married couples who split up the bills. One will be responsible for the mortgage and the food, and the other will be responsible for the utilities, clothes for the kids, and the car payment, for example. Separate accounts. I just don't get it. If you are going to make the commitment to marry someone, shouldn't sharing of the money be included with that? Haven't you already committed so much more?

How do you handle the money with your spouse or significant other?
Help me to understand. I want to! I have a thirst for knowledge!

I wonder what my renter thinks about this. Have you gone over to see Jen yet? I know she is from Rhode Island, but don't let that put you off. Rhode Island is very well known for...for...Rhode Island is the home of...of...hmmm...have I told you she's from Rhode Island?

If nothing else, pop over and see her and maybe she can explain why the hell she is in Rhode Island.

64 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

So, I'll admit that I didn't read your blog. I looked at the title "Relationship Questions" and the picture, a toilet, and that's all I had to see.

Chris (My Blog)

10:55 PM  
Blogger Shelli said...

I am second. Ugh! I agree about the money. I have been known to go to the bathroom in front of my husband and vice versa. Of course, I have had 3 children and he has been in the delivery room for 2 of them. One where they cut me open and he got to look at my insides. So really nothing is sacred here. He has seen parts of me that I haven't even seen.

11:00 PM  
Blogger marty said...

I think I was conceived on the toilet bowl while one of my parents was taking a dump.

11:12 PM  
Anonymous Blair Bitch said...

My ex and I had no problem doing our thang in front of each other.

As for finances, I had a real problem spending his money when I wasn't working. For instance, I didn't like buying gifts for him with his money. We had a joint account but I didn't care for it. If I did it again, I would make sure to keep my own accounts.

11:16 PM  
Blogger CeCe said...

We poop in front of eachother. In fact, after the kid goes to bed, the bathroom door stays open.

We also share money. Which is a good thing, otherwise, I'd never have any money. But, seriously, we share all the money, but when we were both making tips in our jobs, that was our own personal "mad money". And we don't buy anything over $100 without discussing it first (except for groceries or whatever).

Before we got married, we took some pre-marital councelling, and one thing the guy said was that married couples should always merge the money, but that only one should be in charge of "looking after it". I'm in charge of making sure the bills are paid and there's enough money in the account for the mortgage withdrawls.

11:25 PM  
Blogger Pandora said...

I only go in front of him when if he is in the shower, something about the curtain being closed, makes me think that he doesn't see me..

At first we had seperate accounts cause my hubby had a big spending problem. Now that I have that under control we merged our accounts..

11:26 PM  
Blogger Blogarita said...

Bathroom: I'll go No. 1 in front of him, but not No. 2. And sometimes I won't always change clothes in front of him, either...LOL! General rule is that if the bathroom door is closed, some privacy is desired.

Finances: When he first moved in, we had three accounts...his (for his car payment and debts he had before we med), mine (my vehicle payment and debts I had before we met) and a joint account for mortgage, utilities, etc. We did that for a while even after we got married, until we decided to refinance the vehicles. At that point, both names went on everything. Now, since I am a stay-at-home-wife, he makes the money and I manage it. It works for us.

11:37 PM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

I use the washroom with the door open, but the Dauntless Janet doesn't like it and won't reciprocate. Which is okay.

We keep our finances separate, too, but that's kind of an organizational thing, rather than anything else. My account is for savings and VISA, and hers is for bills and groceries, unless I have cash.

Rhode Island has lovely chickens.

11:41 PM  
Blogger Spider Walk said...

No comment.
And...
No comment.
Hahaaa!!!

11:44 PM  
Blogger Lynda said...

I have a question for you: Do you talk about your body fuctions to your wife? Because why close the door then.

My husband and I can be in the same room and do our business, but mostly it is a time where we both prefer our solitude.

Our account is joint. I don't understand seperate accounts either, but if it works for the relationship....

Since you are the big brother, you need to tell your sister she can't always be first. ROFL!

11:44 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

We don't really poop in front of each other, unless there's an emergency (one person in the shower, the other's gotta GO). We sometimes pee with the door open. We only have one bathroom. I can't wait until we either expand our house to have two bathrooms, or buy a place with two.

My husband thought that the ATM was like a slot machine when I met him - sometimes you hit the jackpot, sometimes you didn't. We pooled our money when we got married, and now we both balance the accounts and do bills. Since he makes so much more than I do, he (in actuality) pays for most things, but we consider it 'our' money.

11:49 PM  
Anonymous Melanie said...

They say there is a higher divorce rate anong couples that use the bathroom in front of the other. When I look at marriages that succeed or fail, it seems to support it. My husband and I used to not do that for this reason but now we can pee in front of each other. No pooping though. You can never be too sure,lol.

12:18 AM  
Blogger Catch said...

I can pee in front of anybody! lol...but thats where I draw the line! And I never appreciated the x coming in using the john while I was taking a bath....and I always told him so...lol

Finances are tricky....I always felt my money was my money and his money was also my money...lol. Does it suprise you that we are divorced?

12:31 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Even I want to have privacy while using the bathroom, there will be none with 2 kids. So I use the bathroom in front of husband, in front of kids.

As for finance, joint account of course. In cafliornia, joint or not, everything is community property anyway.

12:51 AM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

#1... uh.. i have three kids under six i pee in front of anyone, infact i never shut the bathroom door at all, i need to beable to hear what the kids are doing while I am on. i dont like to do it infront of hubby tho, but having four kids and cats in the room while i do doesnt phase me!

#2. Im a stay at home mom, all his money is our money LOL but we never buy anything without talking to each other first.. im talking stopping at the store on the way home for milk... not done unless the other knows. we each know , down to the penny, what we have in our accounts

1:47 AM  
Anonymous 3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

I agree with you Mr. Fab. The number 2 is a private moment. Or should be in my opinion. Now peeing? I have been known to just drop my pants and go. Mainly after a few drinks and if we're in the middle of a conversation. And, early on in our marriage I was curious about men and their "aim." So the husband let me control the aim while he pee'd once. (Sshhh, don't tell him I told you that) ;-)

And on money? We established fairly early on, that what's mine is mine, and what's his is mine. So yes, we share the finances. ;-)Actaully we work together on paying the bills and deciding on any purchases over $100.00.

The thing about "issues" in relationships is that what may work for one couple, may not for another. I don't see too many of these issues that have right or wrong ways of dealing with them. Not all black or white, but many shades of grey. Although the number 2 issue in my mind is non-negotiable.

3T

2:01 AM  
Blogger T said...

OK - with the first issue? A man told me once that the day he ever goes to the bathroom in front of his wife is the day it's time to get a divorce. It stuck with me for some reason and I have never done that particular deed in front of any men in my life. Now women? It's a freaking party in the bathroom. We'll pee in front of you, on the phone with you whatever.

The second? We had our finances seperate because we fought about money all the time. He liked to buy big things we didn't need and make minimum payments, I liked to go a little crazy at Target, but make big payments on debt. Polar opposites. Once we split it up, money was the only thing we didn't fight about. :)

MMMMUUUWAH!

2:02 AM  
Blogger RevRee said...

I close the bathroom door even when I'm home alone... does that make me crazy?

I also say excuse me when no one's around...

3:03 AM  
Anonymous ficklechick said...

We can pee in front of each other, but usually the door is closed.

As for the money. He makes it and I spend it. The way god intended. ;)

3:08 AM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

Well, me and my ex-hubby kept finances apart because he was running his own business... as he ran it into the ground just before our divorce was finalized I am glad we did... It saved me from being fucked over for tens of thousands of euros! So there! LOL

4:28 AM  
Blogger Dick Small said...

Some people are just plain crazy!

5:42 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

When the kids moved out it became a novelty to "go" with the door open, now we rarely close it. Its not like we are in the same room but the door is open if he walks by. The man bathed me when I was too sick to do it myself so why not??

Finances. We pool, but I was kinda against that because what happened when I got divorced before. But we do pool now and it works out well. I used to take care of the bills but when I was so sick he had to take over and he does a better job so he just keeps doing it. We have online banking and we both check out account obessively, like several times a day LOL. Hmmm I think I will go check it now............

5:43 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Chris--Well, the point is, you gave it a try LOL.

Shelli--Yeah, I guess watching them cut you open kinda ramps up the intimacy level :)

Marty--I think we all think that about you, buddy :)

Blair--Then why did you...oh. Never mind...

CeCe--Well, whatever you are doing seems to be working!

FCL--Hey girl! Yes, we men like to spend money without thinking of the consequences. Mrs. Fab handles all our money LOL.

Blogarita--You know, now that I think ahout it, I don't think I have EVER changed clothes in front of your husband...

Anne--Are you thinking about roosters? Aren't Rhosde Island Reds roosters? Hmm...not sure.

Spidey--You are NO HELP :)

Lynda--Do I talk about them? Not really, I don't think. And I'M not telling Shelli that--YOU tell her! LOL

Erin--Wait. They are NOT ATMs? I this what I am hearing?

Melanie--Wow, really? That's interesting. Hey, and thanks for stopping by! :)

Catch--You can pee in front of anybody? You'll do great in prison LOL. Thanks for popping in :)

Liz--Well, California, sure. All bets are off! Thanks for commenting! Lots of new faces here today! :)

Bluepaintred--You check with each other before you buy milk? Now that is cool!

3T--Yeah, I could MAYBE be convinced to do #1, but never #2. But that's me (well, and you too LOL). The bottom line is that whatever works, works. It has just always baffled me. It probably has to do with how people grew up.

T--Hmm..I guess when you put it that way, I can understand keeping them separate. My world is so small...LOL

Revree--Yes, you are offically a freak LOL. But thank you for stopping by. We welcome all freaks :)

Ficklechick--LOL. It's a beautiful thing!

Dutchy--Yeah but tens of thousands of euros is like, what, fifty seven dollars? :)

5:50 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Dick--Present company excepted?

Mel--Wait...better check it again. I think they misplaced a decimal point! LOL

5:54 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Well I share everything in the washroom with my 3 cats.
I have a part-time, man friend for other necessities...
I'm a private person, but he once peed on my tire.

6:09 AM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

Ha! NOT!!! 1 euro is 1.20 USdollar...

6:37 AM  
Blogger kattbanjo said...

we do NOT invade each other's bathroom time. It's a serious no-no and whoever breaks thta solemn rule gets a loud reminder!!

The money thing is communal. Of course I don't work so there is only one income but when I did it all went to same account.

7:17 AM  
Anonymous kristarella said...

Heh, we do both those things. Go to the loo and separate money. It's just easier. If I need to ask him something I'll just pop my head in and ask, or if I need a bandaid or some panadol, I don't need to wait for him to finish. I do prefer to stay away in the even of #2 though. If I need some money he'll give it to me, otherwise I pay for groceries and he pays for everything else. I'm not great with money so I'm happy to have my own account and not spend all "his" which is actually ours but he takes care of it.

8:13 AM  
Blogger Ginnie said...

Pee, yes; poop, no. The smell and all, you know!

I was surprised no one mentioned one of the main reasons many women DO have separate bank accounts: their credit! Before Bill and I divorced (we had a joint account), he had enough presence of mind (and kindness) to make sure I developed credit (bank acct, credit card, etc) before I was out on my own. For many of us who have lesser-paying jobs or are now not working (moi), having credit in today's society is just one of those necessary evils. Sure, you can work around it (esp. if the wife makes a good living) but after my last divorce (from a same-sex partner) and our joint account and her atrocious spending habits, I have been a real proponent of separate accounts. I guess it's more about the reality of the world we live in than the person I'm married to!

8:51 AM  
Blogger Suze said...

I don't mind taking tinkles in front of each other but not number two's.

In fact I like to hold his dinkle while he pees sometimes. I know I'm strange but when you haven't got one they can be quite fascinating.

Or is that just me? LOL

9:02 AM  
Blogger Lynda said...

You don't talk about your body functions? You are one classy guy. I thought it was a guy thing.

Shelli, you can't always be first! Didn't you get beat up a few times in prison for always trying to be first to the whipped cream?

;)

9:07 AM  
Blogger Shelli said...

Lynda--I expect to be first because I am there at my brother's house when he posts, but by the time I beam myself back to mine, sometimes there is a commenter already. I think it isn't fair since I know exactly when he posts. And we do NOT speak of that whip cream, lesbian bitch with a mohawk incident. Ever!

9:21 AM  
Blogger Leave It To Cleavage said...

I had a roommate in college who's bf had IBS. She would go and soak in the bathtub and he would go "sit" with her. In other words he would sit on the toilet and that's right, go number 2 while she took a bath. I could never go in front of my significant other and I wouldn't want him to go in front of me. Yuck, Yuck, Yuck.

9:23 AM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

Oh, Lord -- who could relax enough to go to the bathroom with someone else in the room? I even close the door when I am the only one at home!

As for finances -- pool the money, all the way. We each keep a small, seperate account for things like gifts for each other, but other than that, it's all OUR money.

9:47 AM  
Blogger Lyvvie said...

Ew! No using the toilet in front of each other except for emergency pees while the other is in the shower, and there's to be no peeking! Ugh. My parents used to share and not mind, it grossed me out as a kid, and still does as an adult.

As for money, the Hubs and I have exclusively seperate accounts. We share bills and expenses but I don't want to know what he's buying and I don't want him to know what I'm buying. It's worked for us for over ten years. It helps us maintain a bit of independance within our relationship.

10:00 AM  
Blogger speckledpup said...

hair, makeup, teeth and showers in front of the other are cool.
#1 and #2 are not
as well as the intimate girly monthly things.

Money, we have done both, we have pooled. Then we split when he worked here and I worked there and we had to bank in two different cities because of the distance and such. We split the bills at that time, but it was a marriage still. If he needed extra money or I did we said..hey give me your wallet.
Right now we're pooled again..but it's a control thing on his part and I'm not happy.

10:01 AM  
Blogger Finn said...

I prefer to poop in private, thank you very much. I even shoo the dogs out. Peeing, well, when you gotta go...

The money is together. I get more that way. And I'm the one taking care of it. Mwahaha...

10:03 AM  
Blogger Itchy said...

Me and the hubby will pee in front of one another. That's it. That is where that begins and ends. I don't need to see the poo show and neither does he. That...is just not necessary. At all. The faces, the noises, the smell. No thanks.

Now..the money thing. I'm with you. We got married, we have a joint account. End of story. We're a married couple. There is trust there. If I want to go to lunch, buy shoes, whatever I do it and he the same. If there is a larger purchase there is discussion about it. I just don't get the seperate accounts thing - unless there is an issue of a previous marriage and alimony. Then I can see it.

10:13 AM  
Blogger D said...

Well I'm single now, but in the past its generally been a #1 is ok, #2 = not okay. The strange thing was that my ex J would always think it was weird and would complain if I peed with the door closed, but was totally paranoid about me seeing HIM go pee. He'd make sure his back was to me all the time.

#2 is alone time. I don't think I'll ever want that to change.

As for money, am I naive to think that when I marry we will share all?

10:30 AM  
Anonymous dvdguy said...

Pool the finances. But for the love of God, shut the bathroom door, turn on the fan and run the water. I don't want any of that going on within earshot.

10:46 AM  
Blogger ablondeblogger said...

Totally go to the bathroom in front of each other. There is nothing we won't do in front of each other. :)

He's watched me shit on a delivery table while giving birth, so it doesn't get much worse than that!

As for money, I'm a SAHM, so he brings in the money but it's "ours" in "our" account. He totally manages the money and pays all the bills, which is a good thing, because I'd spend it all.

When I earn money from my writing, I do put it in a separate checking account, but only because it's my "free" money to spend as I wish (because it's not all that much...I earn $75 for every news story I write....I did earn $360 from my last magazine article, but it all had to go to the vet bill we couldn't afford), and he prefers that it be kept separate from our household account to avoid confusion.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Tenacious T said...

TOTALLY agree about the bathroom thing. I have never understood that. Ew.

And the money thing - I don't know yet as I am not married, but I might suggest separate accounts to protect my spouse from my spending habits. :)

11:16 AM  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

Bathroom - I'll pee in front of him if I have to - but there are somethings that are better not to share.

Money - the day we moved into together - we got a joint banking account - there is no "his and hers" - it's ours. He makes a lot more than I do, but I'm responsible to make sure all bills are paid. And we don't spend more than $100 without talking about it first. - we've been together over 12 years - married for almost 10...it works for us.

11:29 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Bathroom:
I lock the door, chain it, then put a chair in front of it hahaha

My husband will leave the door wide open. The cat will walk in and visit him. It's lovely.

Money: Merged

Rhode Island: I was born here..
and most of us never leave. The pizza here is too good. And I can't get enough of the high cost of living...corrupt government... rude angry people & constant highway construction.

Yep there's a lot to love about the ocean state!!!

11:48 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

No I will not go to the bathroom with my significant other. We don't have to share everything.

I'm all about separate accounts. Sharing everything is a bit of a pain.

12:08 PM  
Blogger michele said...

Somethings are not meant to be
shared and bathroom duties is
one of them.Finances i handle
the money,because i have skills.

12:24 PM  
Anonymous Amanda said...

I completely agree with you on both accounts, Mr. Fab.

Rob and I have NEVER pooped with the other present. I can't even "emergency pee" while he's in the shower, because he locks the door (good thing we have two bathrooms)

And, of course all our finances are pooled. It has flip-flopped over the years as to which one of us make more money, but I think pooling the money is an important part of the commitment.

12:40 PM  
Blogger SupComTabz said...

I guess when you have two cats that like to open the bathroom door when you go.. it's a lot easier to just go "what the heck"...

(Myboyfriend INSISTS on being in the bathroom whenever I'm in there)... he's weird... (Myboyrfied is the cat)

2:22 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Lorraine--This morning I read our comment quickly and I read it as "he once peed on me". I was in shock LOL

Dutchy--Whatever helps you sleep at night :)

Katt--I know *I* wouldn't want to break one of your rules!

Kristarella--Sounds like it works for you guys :)

Ginnie--I should have thought of that, being as I used to be in the loan business and we would see a lot of women recently divorced with that problem. Very valid!

Suze--Sounds to me like there is a story there to be written :)

Lynda--I AM a classy guy! LOL

Shgellie--We're not supposed to speak about that? I've been bragging about it to everyone...

Leave--I echo those yucks :)

CP--It would seem we are of one mind on this topic :)

Lyvvie--I guess I can see the independence part, but it seems strange that you are making all these secret purchases. Regardless, thanks for popping in!

Pup--There are intimate girly things?

Megan--You puppetmaster, you! :)

Itchy--Um...you make a lot of faces when you poop? LOL

D--I don't think you are naive at all! Of course, you live in Canada, so it's not even real money :)

DVD Guy--Amen Brother! Thanks for cruising by!

ABB--"He's watched me shit on a delivery table while giving birth"

I read that over and over again. And then I read it some more.

Hold on to that guy! :)

Tenacious T--Surely you can be trusted with money? :)

Fantastagirl--Yeah, but you are superheroes. I never saw a superhero go to the bathroom.

Jen--The Ocean State? I could have sworn it was the gum disease state...

Pud--I agree! The bathroom should be the final frontier!

Michele--You've got ALL the skills, girl!

[NOTE ON AMANDA'S COMMENT] When I read it I went out into the bullpen to let her know I thought her husband was weird for locking the door when it's just the two of them, which sparked a bathroom habits conversation among about a half dozen of us. Very lovely!

Tabz-I saw that on your blog. Nice boyfriend! :)

2:51 PM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

The thought of you wearing the wooden shoes...

3:29 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Ouch!

I have great gums!!

3:43 PM  
Blogger ❉ pixie ❉ said...

I don't mind peeing in front of each other—but I'm all about privacy pooping. With regards to the money, we have his, hers, and ours accounts. We both like having money of our own that we can do what we please with. The 'ours' is for the bills and going out together.

4:48 PM  
Blogger Dixie said...

There's no way my husband could ever walk in on me in the bathroom - I'd have to put him in his wheelchair first.

Our money is mixed together as well. I never did cotton to the idea of separate finances.

5:07 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

I'm currently in a spouse-free zone but when I married, we more or less agreed with you Mr. Fab.

Emergencies aside, toilet habits are best practiced alone but money needs to be shared.

We no longer live in the same house, so the bathroom issue is moot, but I still 'share' a little bit of his money... giggle! At least until the baby of the family finishes school and then he can take his money to the bathroom with him.

What? Me, bitter? Never. Cuttingly cynical, yes, but bitter? NAH!

5:33 PM  
Blogger Dreamwalker said...

Money is shared, but not the John!!

Taking it down a notch...I'm talking #2 here, and pehaps its because I'm a vegetarian, but men seem give off a poisonous gas. I'm all for privacy!!

5:43 PM  
Blogger LuckyWanderBoy said...

Check this out: my girlfriend and I share the same toothbrush.

6:55 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Dutchy--It's making you hot, isn't it?

Jen--But do you HAVE any gum?

Pixie--Wow, 3 buckets of money. You're rich!

Dixie--"Cotton"? Who are you channeling, Aunt Bea? :)

Dawn--Cutting cynicism is the main reason we love you :)

Dreamwalker--Oh cool, you're an animal doctor? :)

Lucky--Well, that's vaguely disturbing, but thanks for stopping by! :)

7:07 PM  
Blogger Great Day said...

I don't poo in front of the husband, but he'll do it in front of me. I'll be brushing me teeth and in he walks to take a big smelly dump! I hate it!

Why split the money if it all goes to the same things? Ours is together and it's a good thing hubby is in charge of that. If I had my own account it would be all gone and I would forget to pay my half!

7:15 PM  
Anonymous Josh said...

The bathroom is MINE and the money is HERS. The end.

9:35 PM  
Blogger shirley said...

I share the pee, but not the poo. Gotta save somethin' for the wedding night! *wink, wink*

12:56 AM  
Blogger cherish said...

I do not want to pee in front of anyone so that is a definitely NO... Our money is together since the day we were married.

3:21 PM  
Blogger snackiepoo said...

I'm late on this one but..

NO, I do not like to go poop in front of my husband and he doesn't like to in front of me...we shut the door. Although I will tinkle in front of him; maybe it is just the smell issue?

We have mixed finances since the day we moved in together. It seems dumb to me to ask my husband for his share of the rent.

Plus, he makes four times what I do so it works out cool for me ;).

5:47 PM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...

No on the bathroom thing. Even after 14 years together, we respect each other's doody space.

However, we do have "his" and "her" bathrooms that share a common wall. It's not unusual for us discuss current events over morning coffee while pinching our respective loafs (sic).

As for the finances---What's mine is mine and what's his is mine.

Isn't that the way marriage works? ;-)

2:40 AM  
Blogger Plunky said...

Um, I am with you, I don't need to see him go to the bathroom. Let's leave a little mystery.

As for finances, ugh, we share but gosh, it;s hard.

7:38 PM  

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