My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

This is getting ridiculous...

It's bad enough I have to see this plate while I'm driving around:

This piece-of-shit-anti-abortion-masquerading-as-a-pro-adoption license plate. It pisses me off whenever I see a car with one.

And now, the other day, for the first time, I saw this plate:

What the fuck? How long has this plate been out there?

And what exactly is the definition of family values? I know what they want the definition to be.

I'm not going to go off on a whole rant here, but I'll say this: If I want to live in South Beach with my lover Todd, who is a bodybuilder from Montana, and we want to frolic in the surf and have tickle fights with feather dusters and dance naked to Andy Williams tunes in our living room and read erotic passages from Dr. Seuss books and rub strawberry jelly all over ourselves and have lemurs lick it off then damn it, those are my family values!

And if we are responsible, law-abiding citizens who work and pay taxes and in general are just trying to live our lives the way we choose and we aren't hurting anybody, than leave us the fuck alone.

How about we concentrate on getting out of Iraq? Or getting the price of oil and prescription drugs down to a reasonable level? Or feeding the hungry and clothing the homeless and educating the children?


Geez, yesterday I was all romantic and mushy, and today I'm all outraged and political. Where did the funny guy go?


Blogger Shelli said...

Never saw you get all political. I agree with everything said, though. While in your state this weekend, I was a bit surprised by all the different license plates. What is up with that anyway? We only have a couple different ones. Megan said you have over 100 in Florida.

11:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the part that's most disturbing about these, is if they are pushing adoption and foster parenting - Florida is the WORST place. They have more "missing" children in their system then other state. You'd think if they cared so much about life, they'd pay attention to the ones they already have there.

11:49 PM  
Blogger MC said...

I have to applaud you, I really really do. Couldn't agree with you more about the whole "family values" thing.

12:01 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Shelli--They do that to raise money. I have one for the Police Athletic League :) don't sound like much of a jackass to me! Thanks for stopping by!

12:04 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

For real? They have pro life liscense plates in Florida? Wow. I thought we had all the backwards asshat republicans up here. Guess not!

*heh* Police Athletic League - PAL

12:30 AM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

yea PFFFT I live in canada.. low perscriptions , veterans licence plates... muahahahahha

1:18 AM  
Blogger Lynda said...

You are still Fabman to me.

I have a favorite license plate. I may need to move to Virginia just to get it.

1:20 AM  
Blogger Lynda said...

Oh, and we have a ton of license plates in Indiana also. So many, the law enforcement was having trouble telling which were legal and which were frauds. (Too many to keep track of.)

1:21 AM  
Anonymous Ficklechick said...

Wow, I didn't realize Florida was part of the Bible Belt.

That's one good thing about California, you won't see anything like that around here! More likely to be the opposite.

1:27 AM  
Blogger Me said...

mmmm, all political and ranty, I love that...;)
It's so strange that they would allow messages like that on license plates. Here in Canada I think we aren't allowed to have a personalized plate that is considered offensive. I'd count those as pretty fucking offensive.

3:06 AM  
Blogger Suze said...

It makes me glad to be British. Over here plates have to be a combination of letters and numbers and totally legible.

However certain individuals make up for this by having car stickers on the windscreen. The best one is Child On Board, what is this supposed to solicit from the average driver? Perhaps the response, "Oh, I won't hit your car because you have children on board" or is it just a proclamation "Hey, I'm still fertile". LOL

3:51 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

MC--Thank you, my friend. Let's take it to the streets! LOL

Erin--No, we've got planty of them ourselves. May I offer you a few more? :)

Bluepaintred--Inbreeding, outdoor plumbing, moose burgers... :)

Lynda--That is one I would be proud to have on my car!

Ficklechick--yes, North Central Florida is, at least. Once you get to Orlando all anyone cares about is Disney LOL

Me--I may move to Canada. It sounds better all the time. I'll have to check with the Mrs...

Suze--You guys still have those over there? Must be about 20 years behind us. Wait until you get the Garfield stick ons LOL

5:20 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I've never admired you more!!! You're a stand-up, fabulous man ;)

5:45 AM  
Blogger karaoke queen said...

Yikes!! I guess I'm happy to be Canadian where folk can frolic as they will.

6:49 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

Well said!

I'm with you, why don't politicians focus on bigger problems instead of these stupid pittily ones. I guess so they can feel they "contributed" or something everytime they see those liscense plates driving around.

6:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So... does Mrs. Fab know about Todd??? Can I blackmail you for cookies?

6:59 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Lorraine--Aw shucks, you're gonna make me blush!

Karaoke Queen--Frolicing is fun, isn't it?

Pud--I know! No one cares about real solutions anymore.

Dick--Why don't you come down and do some frolicing, big boy?

7:04 AM  
Blogger Itchy said...

"we want to frolic in the surf and have tickle fights with feather dusters and dance naked to Andy Williams tunes in our living room and read erotic passages from Dr. Seuss books and rub strawberry jelly all over ourselves and have lemurs lick it off"

Stop spying on me dude! ;D

7:11 AM  
Blogger Blogarita said...

I think your family values should also include running the hell over anyone who has one of those plates.

7:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, you're on! I'll bring my trunks (or maybe not)(o:

7:40 AM  
Blogger Chelle said...

No matter what our individual opinion may be on either of those issues....a license plate is NOT the place to display that.

And for the record...I agree with your stand on family values!!

7:47 AM  
Blogger marty said...

You live in George Bush's America and Jeb Bush's Florida.

7:53 AM  
Blogger kattbanjo said...

Retaliate by putting your mood nppls plate on their family values background!
I agree! I am all about freedom to love who you want. Judgemental bastards. I had a baaad day, i'll be grouchy with you!

I prefer marmalade and Neil Diamond though.

7:58 AM  
Blogger kattbanjo said...

Retaliate by putting your mood nppls plate on their family values background!
I agree! I am all about freedom to love who you want. Judgemental bastards. I had a baaad day, i'll be grouchy with you!

I prefer marmalade and Neil Diamond though.

7:58 AM  
Blogger ❉ pixie ❉ said...

That's classy. This first thing I thought when I saw that second plate was, "Who's Sample?" No, wait, it was, "Who has the right to say 'family values' have anything to do with a man, a woman, and two kids? That's just stereotyping." Then I read your rant. Glad to see we are on the same page with this Mr. Fab.

9:33 AM  
Blogger speckledpup said...

I don't know, I think a family values plate on your rainbow striped love van would be FAB....oh THE MR. FABULOUS EFFECT...

oh I'm so funny
I cwack me up..
tee hee hee hahahahaha hee hee hee

9:43 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

"If I want to live in South Beach with my lover Todd, who is a bodybuilder from Montana, and we want to frolic in the surf and have tickle fights with feather dusters and dance naked to Andy Williams tunes in our living room and read erotic passages from Dr. Seuss books and rub strawberry jelly all over ourselves and have lemurs lick it off then damn it, those are my family values!"

I MUST SEE THAT LICENSE PLATE, okay? Please? Pretty please???

P.S. - You have nothing again those Florida turtle tags do you? That's the one I have on my Tahoe...I love it. ;)

9:45 AM  
Blogger Finn said...

Every time I see one of these things I get mad.

And since we live in a state where a new plate pops up every five minutes, may I suggest we petition for:

A rainbow plate for the gay community
A "Fly Your Freak Flag" plate for the rest of us. That ought to be a big seller around these parts.

And you should totally trade in your PAL plate for a PBA plate. The money goes into the PBA's Heart Fund which provides assistance to police officer's families in need. I may be one of those one day. For now, I work for the PBA so it probably pays my salary. You DO want me to keep my job don't you? ;)

9:52 AM  
Blogger Finn said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:53 AM  
Blogger Ms. M said...

Oh, how I LURVE a political Mr. F! It gets me HAWT!

My BF is sort of leaning to the right and it makes me crazy! I don't understand why more people don't listen to both sides of and issue before diving headlong into a position. They listen but don't research. In my opinion, that is just plain ignorant. Like those fucking license plates! I loathe people who shove their beliefs down my throat in whatever way they can. That's when I need a steam roller to squash them.

Fuck em.

Ahhhh, it's good to be back!

10:09 AM  
Blogger Sandi said...

And just when I thought I couldn't love you more!
Agree with you on all..

10:27 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Itchy--My spies are everywhere...

Blogarita--I am willing to adopt that into my platform :)

Dick--Let it all hang out, my brother!

Chelle--Amen, sister! Testify!

Marty--True--at least both are in their last terms

katt--I'm flexible about the music and type of jam :)

Pixie--Thank you my friend. I knew I oculd count on your support!

Pup--Have you been mixing your medications again?

Stacy---LOVE the turtles! :)

Megan--That is a good idea, actually. I am pretty tired of the old plate. Okay, I'll do it!

Ms. M--And it's good to HAVE you back, darlin'! :)

10:34 AM  
Blogger michele said...

Mr.Fab,i agree with everything
you said.We have more serious
issues to contemplate,don't
worry funny guy is still there.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Lori said...

WTF is up with that family values plate?

My family certainly does not look like that and I have values.

OH WAIT where is my gay brothers picture? I guess he is not good enough for their plate. B@st@rds!

11:17 AM  
Blogger Tracy said...

Wow. Is Todd cute?? Would ya share with another whore??

I really like your post, btw. You aren't shy to tell it like you want. I love that about you! :)

11:29 AM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

who told you about the mooses'?

12:12 PM  
Blogger Jozee said...

From where I sit I think you have only two choices, Key West or Canada.

Since it snows in Canada I'll be happy to meet you in Key West. They tried to secede at one point. Go Key West!

Homie,we know you're just a big ole love muffin inside. Rant as much as you want.

12:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am with you Mr Fab! They irk me too!

1:14 PM  
Anonymous 3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

Well stated Mr. Fab!!! I have no doubt the funny guy is alive and well, ready to emerge any minute. But this post needed to be written!


1:31 PM  
Blogger BarefootCajun said...

You go, boy!

I see your governor and his peeps are still at it. They suck.

1:50 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Michele--Thanks, he's around here somewhere...LOL

Lori--Right on, girl!

Tracy--Keep your hands off my Todd :)

Bluepaintred--I saw it on 60 Minutes, I think...

Jozee--Key West it is! Paaaarty!

Mimi--Thanks buddy!

3T--I appreciate that! I certainly thought so!

1:53 PM  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

I hate that people think they know what makes a family...families come in all shapes and sizes - as long as the kids are loved, fed, and taken care of - that's all that matters.

2:00 PM  
Blogger prying1 said...

Rather touchy aren't we. - Do those plates really say you cannot have tickle fights? I didn't see that on any of them.

2:02 PM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...


2:35 PM  
Blogger Anne R. Key said...

Let's hear it for Canada, peeps, where, despite Stephen Harper's insistence that the gay marriage debate be re-opened in the fall, I will be marrying my lovely wife in less than a month! And where health care is free and (mostly) available! Where politics an opinions are expressed in the Letters To the Editor columns of newspapers, not on license plates.

And where winter reigns for eight out of twleve months. (Well, there has to be a drawback somewhere!)

Nice rant, Mr. Fab. Say hi to Todd for me.

2:37 PM  
Blogger Plunky said...

WOW. Mr Fab gets political. I guess it's just that kind of day, huh?

I can't believe they actually sell license plates like that. Oy. Where's my "I hate Judgmental Fuckers" license plate? Hmm, I actually think I will have to start making those...

3:21 PM  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

dooood, I totally agree with you! the only good thing about those license plates is that they let you know which cars to rearend! I mean, if you're so inclined.

3:33 PM  
Blogger SupComTabz said...

I have him locked in my basement...

4:37 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Amen Brother!

4:55 PM  
Blogger WriteWingNut said...

I guess you and your readers would hate me because I have pro-life bumper stickers and I'm an "asshat Republican?"

What's so inflammatory about the message "Chooose Life?" I thought pro-choices want abortion to be rare. Isn't that something that both sides agree on?

5:09 PM  
Blogger WriteWingNut said...

I can't type today...make that "Choose" and "pro-choicers" duh

5:10 PM  
Blogger cherish said...

Well Said!!!!!!!!!!

I have not seen those license plates yet. But they are offensive to people living alternative lifestyles!

5:31 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Fantastagirl--You're right, it's all about the children...

Prying1--My friend, it starts with abortion and family values, down the line, believe me, it will come down to tickle fight regulation!


Anne--I know, and I am very excited about your impending union!

Todd says hi.

Deb--I would so buy one of those plates!

Webmiztris--Ooh, I can do that? That's allowed?

Tabz--Please be nice to him :)

Mel--Yes, sistah!

WWN--No, yuor love of my audio posts trumps all other issues! :)

Cherish--Thank you my dear!

5:41 PM  
Blogger Dixie said...

I think there needs to be a "Get the government out of my personal life" license plate.

It's the illustration on the "family values" license plate that's so disturbing. It's all but saying "Unless your family looks like this, it's doesn't posses values.".

All of it's just a smokescreen to distract us while they run the country into the ground.

5:46 PM  
Blogger WriteWingNut said...

LOL, Fab!!

5:51 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

I guess I am in the minority, but who cares?? Why get all riled up over things like that. Ignore it, or flip off the driver and drive along. :)

Don't let the little things get to you so much, Fab.

I have a Riley children's Hospital plate here in Indiana. My son was a Riley kid when he was born. If you aren't from Indiana, you won't know what I'm talking about, so nevermind. :)

6:33 PM  
Blogger Ocean said...

Amen Brother! you got my vote :)

6:46 PM  
Blogger Spider Walk said...

Hee Hee!
Feeling better now that ya got that off your chest?

Cuz I'm feeling better now that I got that "Hee Hee" off of mine ;)


7:34 PM  
Blogger Spider Walk said...

I just made a custom plate, just for YOU.
Check it out :)

7:40 PM  
Anonymous smluke said...

you said it best, "unfuckingbelievable"

9:09 PM  
Blogger Kayla said...

Nice rant.
I wonder if they mean the "Addams Family Values"? Wouldn't that be a trip!
(the movie)

10:19 PM  
Blogger Tracy said...

pssst, whore, over here. You probably can't see me over your whoredness, huh? :)

10:30 PM  
Blogger CyberCelt said...

I guess family values include falsifying voting records and throwing the presidential race, not once but twice.

I'll take you and Todd and the feather dusters any day.

10:34 PM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

Love this post Mr Tiger! :) You are damn right! :))))

11:06 PM  
Blogger zhadi said...

I love you, Mr. Fab. TOtally agree with everything you said. And you make me giggle like a school girl. What's not to love?

12:44 AM  
Blogger Spider Walk said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:41 AM  
Blogger R said...

I can't believe that you just totally described my perfect evening at home...

It's like you are spying on us.

11:31 AM  
Blogger Billy said...

Amen my brother! I haven't seen that plate yet.

No doubt when I do I'll be as rude the people with it as I am the Choose Life plate.

I don't flip them off or anything, I just kinda don't let em in traffic. You know, stay just enough in their way to make them curse or hit the tree whichever comes first.

And just who the hell is Todd? I thought the Andy Williams music was for us, you bitch.

12:31 PM  
Anonymous Meghan said...

Amen brother!!! I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets pissed off by those stupid license plates.

1:29 PM  

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