My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Baby Poop, Breakfast, and Worthy Causes

How can you resist a title like that?

Baby Poop

I have mentioned my friend Christine before. She works across town at the local branch. Here she is:

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Isn't she cute? She's like a little pixie. But don't cross her. Years ago at a place she worked she literally punched out her boss. So I try to stay on her good side.

These are her adorable kids. Here is Oliver. He is 2 years and 8 months old.
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And here is Owen. He is 1 year and 6 months old. And he seems to be having a grand old time eating paint. Gee, I hope it wasn't house paint.

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Sigh...I know, the pixtures aren't sized right. I couldn't get Blogger to load them so I loaded them from my Photobucket account but no matter how I tried I couldn't get them to come out the way I wanted them. But you can tell they are the Cutest. Kids. Ever.

What do you want from me? I am not known for my intellectual abilities. I am known for my razor sharp wit and sexual talents.

She has an adorable husband, too. But I don't have any pictures of him. Sorry, Jason.

Okay, before I get to the baby poop, I need to share what Christine wrote in an email to me after she gave me permission to post the kids' pictures:

Ok, I decided you could put their picture on your blog. But you better not refer to them as white trash or anything just because they have been pooping in strange (to you) places. They are the sweetest, cutest kids in the whole world and if you portray them in any other way I will have to kill you. --Christine

Like a said, a pixie. A pixie with an attitude.

Anyway, we were talking on the phone the other day and she was mentioning that over the weekend her kids had pooped outside. Owen pooped in the pool, and apparently Oliver dropped trou and pooped in the yard. He went over to where the dog defecates and did his business.

I, of course, was mortified. I could not believe this was normal behavior. And so of course, being the good friend that I am, I mocked her mercilessly. She kept assuring me that it was a very common occurance in children that age.

Now, I don't have any kids, but I just still can't believe this is happening all over the world. Is it? I offer it up to all my blogger buddies with kids. Has this happened to you? Where is the strangest place your kid has done #2?

I swear, society is breaking down!

Don't say anything bad about her kids, though, or she'll come after you.


Yesterday for breakfast I had hotdogs. Would anybody care to guess why I had hotdogs for breakfast?

Anyone? Anyone?

Because my first choice, hot wings, was too much trouble to make at the moment.

This is my life.

Worthy Causes
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Have you heard about Blogathon 2006? On July 29 at least 240 bloggers will be blogging for 24 hours straight in support of their favorite cause. They will posting once every half hour.

Currently I am sponsoring three bloggers.

I am sponsoring my friend Barb over at She is blogging for The Maryland SPCA.

I am also sponsoring Laci at Long, Slow, Beautiful Dance. She is sponsoring for WHAS Crusade for Children.

And I am sponsoring Bug at An Indian Summer. She is blogging for The American Cancer Society. Thanks to the always fabulous 3T for inspiring me to sponsor Bug.

I think this is an incredible idea. I would do it, except I have a very short attention span and limited time. So I chose instead to do some sponsoring. I urge you to check out the website and if you're got a few bucks burning a hole in your pocket, pick a charity or a blogger you like and make a pledge. Here is a list of all the bloggers and their causes.

Pledge on!

See? It ain't all about lemurs and underwear and anal sex! I have a mind too, dammit!


Blogger Mister Gravely said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:58 AM  
Blogger Shelli said...

You talk about my dietary habits. I never eat hotdogs for breakfast as a second chice to chicken wings!

5:08 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Fantastic post, your friend C and her children are absolutely beautiful...wouldn't mind seeing Jason.
PS When my son was little toddler, he, in a moment of sheer joy at the Marina we were at, ripped his diaper, went to the water and peed in the river. The lifeguard (jerk) ran over to me and told me. "Ma'am would you mind telling YOUR son not to pee in the water"
He was offended. Oh Well! I hope he has many kids in the future (I'll be watching!)

5:12 AM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

They look absolutey lovely... and you don't have to point it out to us: deep in our great hearts we do KNOW you are not all about lemurs, underwear and anal sex... You just had to mention it again in the post though, didn't you?

6:04 AM  
Blogger Annie Drogynous said...

You have a mind? Hmm...I wonder what Dick Small will have to say about that, lol.

6:26 AM  
Blogger Sandi said...

Poop and hot dogs...
My kids did strange things like that too when they were little. One of them pooped in the bathtub once.

6:59 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Shelli--You don't eat breakfast at all, sis!

Lorraine--Well sure, CANADIAN kids might behave like that... :)

Dutchy--Yes, I had to mention it because I always assume I am on several law enforcement watch lists...

Blair--I think I do. It's twisted beyond recognition, but it's there.

Sandi--Well, he wasn't pooping on the hotdogs at least.

The bathtub? Oh hell, I poop in there all the time! LOL

7:14 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

My son allegedly pooped on My sister in laws sidewalk when he was a toddler. I say allegdely because I was not there when it happened, he was with his dad at the time. I have never ever told another living soul, I still live in mortification that this happened (allegedly) Please dont tell anyone!

Cute friend, cuter kids!

7:37 AM  
Blogger Sudiegirl said...

Hey...I'm doing the blogathon too!!!

I'm sponsoring the International Center for Cancer Research - I am foggy at the moment, but I think that's the name. They're in Scotland.

Oh, Monty ( is Blogathoning too...but pressure! Give us a shoutout!


7:49 AM  
Blogger kattbanjo said...

mine have never pooped in any wierd places. My son pees in the yard sometimes but apparently that's a male thing.....You had to get the lemur reference in there didn't you????

8:13 AM  
Blogger Pud said...

Were you glad to get the kids back after they pooped?

I like the blogathon idea too. When you say sponsor them, do you mean give them money?

8:13 AM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Sorry. My girls never pooped in any strange places. Maybe it's a guy thing ;-)

They are some cute little boys! and I love their mom's red hair~pretty!

Hot dogs? chicken wings? I like to have an ice cold Coke and some chocolate for breakfast myself! ;-)

8:17 AM  
Blogger Lynn / vigilant20 said...

What a cute post. Poop always makes good material. I'm quite certain I didn't do such things as a child...I'd still be hearing about it if I had. Kids these days...hehe.

8:21 AM  
Blogger ❉ pixie ❉ said...

I would have opted for the hot wings.

No kids here so I can't comment on the ever-so-cute kids pooping outside.

8:57 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Mel--Your secret is safe with LOL

Sudiegirl--You are such a giver! I'll check it out!

Katt--Of course! I have a rep to maintain!

Pud--Yes, you can either pledge an amount per hour or a lump sum, and it can be as low as $5. Then after the blogathon you pay.

Pissy--Ooh, when I come up there we are SO having breakfast!

Lynn--How about if I make up some of those stories about you? :)

Pixie--A little spice in the morning....not a bad idea!

9:07 AM  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

My kids have never pooped outside - but then - they are perfect...

9:19 AM  
Blogger Suze said...

Now, the only experience of kiddie poop I have is my nephew.

He fills his nappy regularly and Alex doesn't mind changing it but if he starts to poop around my house he I'm giving him back. :)

9:28 AM  
Blogger Finn said...

I'm sponsoring Monty - she's blogging for United Cerebal Palsy, a cause that's very close to my heart.

Hot dogs for breakfast? You're not setting a good example for your little sister! I'm shocked and appalled.

9:56 AM  
Blogger Lynda said...

My brother use to take off his diaper and poop outside. Our dog at the time would clean up after him. Ew.

I am going to check out that blog thing. I can't blog for 24 hours though. I couldn't stay awake.

9:58 AM  
Blogger kristi said...

Mr Fab.....
I see that you have posted about Maggianos Italian Resturant, and I see that you live in Gainsville, you are aware that there is one in Jacksonville!!!!!

9:59 AM  
Anonymous Bug said...

*chuckle* I have had hot wings for breakfast before! They were just so much better than cereal or eggs ;o) Thank you so much for doing the blurb for me and sponsoring as totally rock :o)

10:12 AM  
Blogger speckledpup said...

I would've guessed you were on atkins eating hotdogs for breakfast.

either that or it was a metaphore....hmmmmmm

10:16 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Fantastagirl--Of course! How could they be anything else? :)

Suze--Yeah, I'd hate to slip in poop on the floor...

Megan--We both know that our dear sister is going to go her own way. Stubborness runs in the family.

10:31 AM  
Blogger michele said...

Hotdogs for breakfast,ah the
breakfast of champions.

10:31 AM  
Blogger apositivepessimist said...

I like that she would kill you whilst wearing a badge with “life” in it. Heh.

The evidence of Owen is a classic.

as for your fish comment...they do Mr fab when I also add plenty of lemon juice and garlic butter to the mix and then wraaapt in plaastic...I mean foil.

10:54 AM  
Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Cute adorable kiddos your friend has. :)
One of my boys pooped in the shower once, none of them confessed to it though hell it could of been their dad for all I know.
Hotdogs for breakfast!! Now your talking. I will have onions, mustard, dab of ketchup, pickle relish on mine. I luv me some doggies for breakfast!!

11:29 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Kristi--THERE IS? I did not know!
I must go...

Michele--Accept no substitute!

APP--Maybe we should change it to Takealife South...

Pup--Hmm....I'll never tell!

Bug--No, YOU rock for what you are doing!

11:29 AM  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

cool, I'm sponsoring Bug too. I didn't realize you don't pay until it's over though...weird.

11:36 AM  
Blogger peebugg said...

Okay..this wasn't one of my children but a neighborhood girl that played with them......we had a wadding pool in the back yard and she (in front of her 2 sisters and my 2 children) went poop on my back porch right by the pool.

Even my manly boys freaked and ran inside to tell on her. She didn't see anything wrong with it when I confronted her--and she was 11!!!

but in young children...outside, in the tub or the pool is pretty normal!!!

11:53 AM  
Anonymous 3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

You always have me giggling, at least a few times every post Mr. Fabulous!

Yes, young kids do choose strange places to do their business. Although the one that stands out in my mind, for my rugrats, was when the oldest, now 22 yrs old, decided that when I didn't get him out of his crib soon enough in the morning, he was going to shit and then paint his crib,himself and his nursery walls in it. I'm surprised I had two more rugrats after that. Discovering his artisitic talent in that manner; sans morning coffee is one of my worst real-life nightmares. (Don't call my rugrats white-trash either Mr. Fab!) ;-)

And a BIG thank you and appreciation for choosing Bug as one of the bloggers you are sponsoring Mr. Fab! :-)

And your friend C and her children are completely beautiful!


1:08 PM  
Blogger zhadi said...

My kids are all feline, so I can't really play in this game. But my best friend is a nanny and her grossest kid poo story is that the 1 year old girl poo'd in her bed, then proceeded to paint the entire room with her homemade 'paint.' They kept finding little chunks of it in the dresser, under the bed...

Nothing kids do are strange.

1:13 PM  
Blogger CanadianSwiss said...

Well, I don't have kids, but I did know your heart was in the right spot... A bit sick, but still a sweetheart ;-)

1:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My 17 months old pooped in the tub for the first time the other night. I knew it would happen, it was just a matter of time. I laughed and yelled down to hubby to tell him. Which scared my baby and he then cried! So I consoled him telling him if ya gotta poop just poop.Cute kids can poop whereever and whenever they want.

1:36 PM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

would you rather a bunny? I can do the bunny still!

that first boy.. the one with all the hair. I am so totally over the moon jelouse. Why cant my kids grow hair like that????? please ask your friend to ask her children for pint size instructions for my kids.

hot dogs for breakfast. I usually have a balonga sandwich.. to each his own ( try sourkrout(sp?) on your hotdog next time)

blogging every half hour? that would be HARD . i guess I could publish one sentance for the same post every half hour ... would thta be cheating. I kinda admire ppl who do things like this. I have no drive ... oh well you want it should be a bunny? I thought ppl petting mr fabs pussy was funnier but i can do bunny. ONLY if you supply a good sexual joke about you and bunnies!

2:01 PM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

oh as for defication? my father in law once had our oldest boy for the day when he was three. they were in a neighbourhood with like 20 houises in different stages of being built. He gave parker pop and then took him in everyone where the cement for the basement hadnt been poured and told him to pee. but they have poo'd int he tub, the pool, the backyard and thier rooms...

2:03 PM  
Blogger Plunky said...

Um, those kids are freaking ADORABLE whether or not they poop in the back yard.

When I was little I pooped in the ocean once. My friend's little sister pooped in her pool when we all were in it! We got out of that pool real fast when we saw doodie floatin by!

With all this talk lately about children doing really gross things and Dawn talking about wetting her pants due to giving birth, I still want that strange?

2:29 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Deb--Dawn as in ABB? SHe did a LOT more than that when she gave birth LOL

Bluepaintred--What would work for you, a video of me fucking like a bunny? :)

Mrs. Fab is always telling me that I am cute. Can *I* poop anywhere I want to? :)

CS--That's me, a sick sweetheart!

Zhadi--Grossest. Poop. Story. Ever.

3T--Hey, YOU inspired me!

What is is with kids wanting to paint with poop?

Peebugg--11 Years old? Where the hell do you live, Deliverance country? LOL

Webmiztris--I thought it was odd too, but before or after, doesn't matter I reckon

Beady--Maybe it was during one of your "spells" LOL

2:53 PM  
Blogger nanuk said...

Re the Baby Poop. While infants are still on breast milk or formula, the poo smells like yoghurt. Am I the only person to make this observation?

But beware once they start eating meat or vegetables!

3:50 PM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

hey.. is this how you cook your hotdogs?

4:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My Littleone did the pooping in the tub thing a couple of times when she was around 2-years-old; I think it's a rite of passage for most kids.

Oh, and I've got you beat on the weird breakfast foods: Try leftover fried catfish, straight out of the fridge. Geek intro'd me to that one.

4:29 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Nanuk--Then why not just give them yogurt in the first place? :)

Tense Teacher--Cold leftover catfish out of the fridge? That is so wrong on so many levels!

Bluepaintred--Now I have a hard on! LOL

6:21 PM  
Blogger Mighty Dyckerson said...

Pixie my ass. She looks like a quasi-lezbo to me.

6:46 PM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

my work here is done

my life is complete

6:52 PM  
Anonymous Christine (ellie mae) said...

Since tyhis post was 1/3 about my kids, I feel the need to comment. Thanks for all the ki d words and support that my kids are NORMAL. Also, thanks for all the "cute" comments about us. I don't know if I am a pixie, however I am NOT a quazilezbo (whatever that means) that that one person said. As for other places my kids have pooped:
The bathtub and the shower
In the stroller while I was changing a "#1" diaper
And we have had a "leak" when Oliver was about 2 weeks old that leaked all over my husbands shirt. After his mortified sobs ceased, we did notice it smelled a bit like yogurt :)
Overall, boys rule, no matter where they poop.

7:07 PM  
Blogger Detroiter said...

When my daughter was a couple weeks' old, she shot poop out of her butt. I was her target. Let's just say she's got enough good aim to make in the CIA. That, and I learned to close my mouth during diaper changes.

Cut to now, after a full year of trying to toilet train her. She has thus far smeared poo on the walls, in the carpet, on her toys, and rubbed it onto her legs. I'm beginning to think she's a rock star in training.

7:34 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Bluepaintred--And at such a young age!

Detroiter--I think you win the prize! LOL

Christine--Well. Jason poops freely around the house too, right?

7:47 PM  
Blogger Laci said...

Mr. Fab, thanks for your donation and shout out! :)

You truly are fabulous!

8:47 PM  
Blogger Ginnie said...

Those kids ARE adorable so I wouldn't care where they pooped as long as it wasn't inside (unless they had diapers on). No, I don't remember my kids doing that but then that was a loooong time ago.

9:00 PM  
Blogger Geek said...

Cold catfish is better than buttermilk on cornbread. Tense told the poop stories so I wont bore ya with that.

9:37 PM  
Blogger shirley said...

Blogmad baby poop goes pfffffft!

10:22 PM  
Blogger shirley said...

Sometimes I see dogs pooing & suddenly feel like I need to poo. Umm, but I live in New York City, so actually a lot of people poo willy nilly in public!

11:04 PM  
Blogger shirley said...

Blogmad hit - who's your daddee?!

11:30 PM  
Anonymous J. Branch said...

On the subject of pooping in strange places here's a story for you.

When I was growing up, the one of the families on the street had 3 kids each about 2 or so years apart.

Well one weekend they were at the elks club swimming pool (they were members, my family was not). The mother was sunning herself at the edge of the pool and the children were all playing happily nearby.

Well soon enough the youngest one gets out of the pool and walks over to his mother and says, "Mamma, I gotta potty."

Being a youngster he still needed his mother to take him to the bathroom.

She of course really didn't want to be bothered so she told him, "Just go in the pool." At which point the child walked over to the edge of the pool dropped his swim trunks, squatted so he was aiming over the water, and pinched a brown turd into the swimming pool while everyone was watching. I guess his mother thought he only had to pee.

My mother had some friends who witnessed it, and thus I heard about it too.

12:00 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Laci--No, YOU are. You re gettin' it done!

J. Branch--What a revolting story! But thanks for stopping by and sharing :)

Shirely--Come KNOW you poop wherever and whenever the mood strikes!

Ginnie--Then they probably didn't. I don't know how you would forget something like that no matter how much time passed!

Shirley--Hit me baby, one more time!

Geek--Get out of my blog LOL

2:45 AM  
Blogger CP said...

You're a true humanitarian, Fab.

Christine's kids ARE gorgeous. Even beautiful children need to mark their territory now and then.

Better to be the shitter than the shittee.


3:49 AM  
Blogger Tenacious T said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:29 AM  
Blogger Tenacious T said...

(oops - transposed a couple of words in my first post)
Christine has FABULOUS hair. Of course I'm partial to redheads. ;) And you should know not to cross them! Great kids too. I remember pooping in the yard with the dogs when I was their age. That was what kids did when they used to play outside before video games and DVDs. It was good, wholesome stuff.

7:32 AM  
Blogger Grits said...

Yes, kids will poop in the oddest places. Mine has gone outside many a time. My neighbor's boy squatted on the steps going up to church and layed a bomb once. No one knows why cept he was 3 and apparently had to go.

8:27 AM  
Blogger ablondeblogger said...

My son had this popping problem when I was training him. He would go anywhere...and I mean long as it wasn't his potty.

He would sneak off into the office and go on the floor....he'd hide behind a chair in the family room and go there. I don't know why he had such an aversion for the potty, but he did.

He got over it fairly quickly, though, thank God!

3:38 PM  
Blogger Glamorous Redneck said...

Such cool causes. If I had the ability to function on no sleep, I'd be in there too. But, alas, I cannot. And I have two children who would kill me off if I tried to stay up all night and sleep all day.

5:37 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

CP--Very good point. At work I tend to be the shitee, regretably.

Tenacious T--I am officially speechless. I am withouth speech.

Grits--Perhaps it was an offering for the Lord. Or a comment on the sermon :)

ABB--Maybe you should have covered your whole house in plastic...

Glamorous Redneck--Yes, they would likely take you down LOL

5:45 AM  

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