My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Got her!

Fend off all my lame attempts at humor at the Chinese Restaurant, will she?

Yesterday afternoon we were at Wal-Mart. I was loading up on travel size toiletries. You know how I love to carry lots of toiletries. Mrs. Fab was urging me to hurry the hell up.

I stalled until there were quite a few people around. Including a child.

Wait for it...wait for it...in a loud voice:

"Hold on, I need one of K-Y Jelly for all the gay sex I have on the road."

Her face turns red, she looks down, and starts pushing the cart toward the registers. I trail behind her, laughing like a mental patient.

Which I may be.

Soon.

62 Comments:

Blogger Shelli said...

You are definitely deranged. Hilarious, but deranged.

11:20 PM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

omg LMAO did she spank you when yolu got home???

2:09 AM  
Blogger MC said...

I am surprised she didn't say "Yeah, because that is the only kind of sex you are going to have now."

2:13 AM  
Blogger snackiepoo said...

Have you tried playing "narcolepsy", "blind guy" or "abused spouse" yet? Yeah, my hubby and I are jokesters and he likes to pretend to have narcolepsy in Target a lot. But I get him back by flinching when he comes near me and saying, "please don't hit me!".

Ahhhh, good times.

2:18 AM  
Anonymous Kyle Korleski said...

I wonder what my fiance would do if I were ever to do that kind of thing.

Mr. Fab, I think I speak for everyone here when I say YOU ARE DEMENTED.

2:19 AM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

OMG! Poor Mrs Fab... You are a mental patient! I'm glad you are though... Makes me feel less lonely!

2:54 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Mrs. Fab,
I know...In sickness and in health, sigh...
I've posted some beautiful flowers on my blog today, just for you.
Especially the blue one, you know who the bug is ;)

3:11 AM  
Blogger Maidink said...

I wouldn't have fell for it. You tried to hard.

Now if you would have said something rude using condoms, that might have worked.

Don't give Geo any ideas.

4:46 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Shelli--Yeah, well, it's a family trait, so watch out!

Bluepaintred--No, I only get that when I am good :)

MC--Ooh, that would have been a good one!

Snackipoo--I LOVE that! We all have to hang together sometimes!

Kyle--I think we're all a little surprised that you have a fiance...LOL

Dutchy--I'll save you a room in the ward. We'll own that place!

Lorraine--Have you taken up sides against me? LOL

Maidink--I actually like to get rude with tampons. But that is a story for another day...

5:53 AM  
Blogger Maritza said...

I heart you and Mrs. Fab in such a big way!

6:38 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

N-E-V-E-R
but...sigh Mrs. Fabulous is my second girl crush (Ms. Bees being the first, of course)

6:43 AM  
Blogger CanadianSwiss said...

OMG! LMAO! That woman is definitely a Saint!

6:48 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Maritza--Why thank you, my friend!

Lorraine--We could work something out...bring your camera :)

CS--Don't I know it!

7:01 AM  
Blogger Annie Drogynous said...

I've said all along that you were freakin' nuts, have I not?!

7:14 AM  
Blogger Spider Walk said...

Keep it up and gay sex on the road will be the only sex you get mister!

My sometimes-not-so-humorous husband does stuff like to me all the time. One of his all time attention grabbers in public is to find a large box full of "whatever" sitting on the isle floor and wait for the isle to get busy and then trip and fall into or onto it and yell out "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up" in a voice that sounds like an old man. It was funny the first 2 or 3 times. Now I just grab the cart and haul ass!

8:13 AM  
Blogger Catch said...

Mrs Fab must have a great sense of humor being married to you!!!! LoL

8:31 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

I have never laughed so hard in my life.......that was FABULOUS.

I'm with MC, hopefully this is what she eventually said to you.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Nobody said...

That is just so fucked up...

9:23 AM  
Blogger Lori said...

LMAO that is exactly the kind of stuff that makes shopping at Wal-Mart fun.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Blair--Yes, you made that call early on! LOL

Spidey--I like your husband already!

Catch--I think she is mostly numb now...

Teri--She has learned to mostly ignore me :)

Nobody--Yep :)

Lori--You are SO right!

9:36 AM  
Blogger Finn said...

You are certifible. And that's why I love you. xo

9:46 AM  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

and you're still alive to tell the tale? Wow, Mrs. Fab must be a LOT nicer than me! ;)

11:00 AM  
Blogger CrankyProf said...

See, I felt bad about Mr. Prof shouting over half the grocery store to ask "If we needed any ass-wipe!"

I'll never complain again.

11:20 AM  
Blogger Serra said...

To Mrs. Fab:

I've found that beating them with the remote control works nicely. Not only are you beating them, but they're scared to death you'll break the remote the whole time.

11:29 AM  
Blogger michele said...

LMAO Mrs.Fab is going to turn the tables one day and it's going
to be doozy...LOOK OUT!

11:33 AM  
Blogger michele said...

LMAO Mrs.Fab is going to turn the tables one day and it's going
to be doozy...LOOK OUT!

11:34 AM  
Blogger Lynda said...

O M G! I second that Mrs. Fab is a saint!

When the men with the white coats come by, go with them. They are your friends.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

I will admit to admiring your persistance in this endeavor.

So mad props to ya!

12:08 PM  
Blogger Antonette said...

OMG I would have walked out of the store and left you there. You are definitely mental. But you make me laugh which is a very hard thing to do.

12:24 PM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

hey guess what!!! i was randomly checking blogs and I found one who stole your meme and did it..well cept the dare part...they took it frome someone who took it from here. its getting round I tells ya!

feel special yet?

2:33 PM  
Anonymous ficklechick said...

That poor child will remember that someday. Probably when he's 12 or so and finds KY in his parents drawer.

He'll think his dad's doing gay men at rest stops along the way when he's on business trips.

You owe him therapy! ;)

3:01 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Megan--Thanks sis! LOL

Webmiztris--You would have cut me right there!

CP--How cool! You are married to a poet!

Serra--Please...no coaching from the sidelines! LOL

Michele--She is too sweet and innocent to tun the tables...

Lynda--I am looking forward to it. I need the rest!

Mike--Thank you, my brother!

Antonette--Well then, high praise indeed, thanks! :)

BLuepaintred-_What made me feel special was the email you sent! LOL

3:03 PM  
Blogger Suze said...

If I were Mrs Fab I think I would have to disown you and adopt a puppy. :D

3:40 PM  
Blogger HAIRYBEARS said...

HELLO

GREAT BLOG

VERY INTERESTING

3:45 PM  
Blogger MsDemmie said...

I wonder if she may just get her own back in another way ....... a taste of your own medicine. I would be careful bending over if I were you !

Please feel free to censor this comment.

3:56 PM  
Blogger ablondeblogger said...

Fab!!!! A child?!! I laughed until I saw that part. You're lucky it wasn't my kid...I would've smacked you upside the head! :)

4:09 PM  
Blogger Tigger said...

OMG!!! Too funny, thanks for a much needed laugh today and thanks for your comment.... Tawnya

4:13 PM  
Anonymous adjunky said...

Be warned - she's probably going to make you pick out tampons in the near future...

4:19 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Adjunky--Hell, I'll do that all day! I'm bulletproof! Thanks for dropping by.

Tigger--Thanks buddy. Hang in there!

ABB--Hey, that kid knew the risks when he went down that aisle LOL

MsDemmie--I am ALWAYS very careful when I bend over!

Suze--I am a LOT more fun than a puppy LOL

4:25 PM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Yikes! I'm surprised you don't have a flat spot on the side of your head from getting whacked by a frying pan!

4:39 PM  
Blogger Big Ben said...

Was she embarassed that you said that, or that it was true?

5:49 PM  
Blogger Tracy said...

I've missed you, Whore Man! :)

6:33 PM  
Blogger Mindless Dribbler said...

Make sure she gets someone to videotape your ass beating....hell, I might even pay to see that.

6:59 PM  
Blogger Geek said...

Wrong Fab, very wrong.

8:31 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Twenty-two years with you has made her
immune to you. she's built up a resistance.. If not she would have killed you by now.

8:39 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

That was just a small moment of weakness...

8:44 PM  
Anonymous Kyle Korleski said...

Same here Fabby, same here.

9:00 PM  
Blogger Tense Teacher said...

You're quite proud of yourself, aren't you? Just you wait, I hear that payback's a bitch.

9:01 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

BlogMad - Eew, sticky gooey gross.

9:06 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Attila--She doesn't cook :)

Big Ben--Little bit of both, actually!

Tracy--Back atcha, Whoremistress!

MD'er--I already have several choice videos for sale, my friend!

Geek--Oh please. You have to say that because your chick's here :)

Tense Teacher--It is? I hadn't heard that...

Jen--She may kill me yet...

Kyle--I hear you, my brother

9:07 PM  
Blogger Geek said...

Yep.. But Im getting laid later, and NOT the GAY way.

9:24 PM  
Blogger Anonymous Erotica Writer said...

So did you get lucky in the aisles of Walmart? HA HA

9:41 PM  
Blogger shirley said...

Hee! Have you heard of that new spray-on KY? You could mark your gay lover from across the room!

10:44 PM  
Anonymous Kyle Korleski said...

I knew that Mr. Fabulous was ridin' dirty!

12:03 PM  
Anonymous 3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

LMAO!! You're evil Mr. Fab. but hilarious!

:-)3T

8:23 PM  
Blogger marty said...

I knew you were gay!

12:16 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Geek--Dude, you would totally have sex with me if I came to visit!

Kyle and Marty--It is so obvious that you guys want to kiss me...

Shirley--You are always up on the latest technology, aren't you?

AEW--Where better to get your freak on? LOL

3T--And that is just how I like it! :)

3:07 AM  
Anonymous Kyle Korleski said...

Mr. Fab, not just just no. Not just hell no. It's HELLLLLLLL NOOO!

5:19 AM  
Blogger ChaCha said...

omg thats frickin hilarious!!!!

1:29 PM  
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