My mind is a dangerous place. Make sure you wear a cup.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Reasons numbers 33, 64, and 91 why Mrs. Fab is a saint...

#33 I have developed the habit lately of either on Saturday or Sunday, when I wake Mrs. Fab up, doing so by coming out of the shower into the bedroom without towelling off, throwing off her covers and jumping on top of her, screaming, and rubbing my wet nakedness all over her. Yeah, it sounds good, but it's kind of a jarring way to wake up. She just giggles, though. Although I forsee the day coming when she stops giggling.

#64 I also have a habit of adopting fake foreign accents in public places. Friday night we were at Sonny's and I was talking to the waitstaff as if I was from an Eastern Bloc country, despite her constant hissing at me to knock it off.

#91 Mrs. Fab detests those bizzare Sub-Lymonal Advertising commercials for Sprite. She cringes every time one comes on TV or during the ads before a movie. I came back from grocery shopping with a six pack of Sprite and put it in bed with her. Then I turned on the light and started screaming about her cheating on me. As she groggily woke up I pulled off the covers I angrily accused her of having an affair with a deliciously refreshing carbonated lemon lime beverage.

When she got over her shock, stopped laughing, and regained her composure she just shook her head and walked off to the bathroom saying "There is something wrong with you."

It ain't easy being her.

But today karma bites me in the ass as we are headed to Orlando to spend time with many of the in-laws. Or, as I prefer to call it, The Festival of the Inbred.

And I can't even get blogging material out of it, because I don't blog about Mrs. Fab's family. I would not know where to begin.

Pray for me.

61 Comments:

Blogger Noi Rocker said...

Oh, THE on laws huh. LOL. I am sure The in laws would love you just fine..just fine. Just dont be yourself:p

11:41 PM  
Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

I'm very surprised #33 hasn't resulted in your death. I haven't met my wife yet, but I imagine she'd be too much of a bitch to let me get away with that.

12:08 AM  
Blogger Shelli said...

There is something wrong with you. You must fit right in. Ooooh, I am even sorry I said that.

12:13 AM  
Blogger Shelli said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:13 AM  
Blogger Blogarita said...

A nuther Festival of the Inbred? You mean they gots one a'those in Florida, too?

12:28 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Noi--Actually, they usually know better than to fuck with me :)

Malnurtured Snay--You're probably right LOL

Shelli--You must really be proud of you post, sis, to do it twice! :)

Blogarita--Yepper, I reckons they do!

12:36 AM  
Blogger D said...

hahaha, she is a very patient woman.

1:19 AM  
Anonymous KristynMarie said...

Your Mrs. is definetly a saint! I promise you, if my hubby woke me up that way I would kick his ass. :P She giggled, she's a saint. I would have giggled only after he was thoroughly flogged!!

KristynMarie

2:34 AM  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

WANT TO KNOW WHAT SUCKS? WHEN i LOGGED ONTO YOURSITE THERE WERE no COMMENTS, THEN HUBBY POPPED THE MOVIE IN THE dvd PLAYER AND I WATCHED ZORRO...... I COULD HAVE BEEN FIRST.

oops sry for the caps, I look at the keyboard not the screen so I just noticed and I am not going back to re write that!

i made hubby read this post, and threatened him with a kick to his jewels if he ever did #33 to me!

omg you are too funny. i commend you and mrs fab ont eh decision not to have kids. they would be too busy having fun to grow up!

2:35 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

LOL, you're hilarious...What a position for Mrs. Fab to be in...I don't know whether I'd kiss you or deck you! What a dilemna...the things you put her through
You're killing me LOL

2:40 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Lorraine--I am pretty sure you would deck me!

Bluepaintred--You gave that up for ZORRO? LOL

Kristynmarie--Thanks for stopping by. Where is all this rage coming from? :)

D--Yes, and it IS a virtue!

3:28 AM  
Blogger Dick Small said...

Man, those ARE annoying! Wolf used to do #33 to me all the time. He was such a nut!

4:24 AM  
Blogger Dick Small said...

Did I mention I believe in Leprechauns? Did I??

4:25 AM  
Anonymous JoiseyGirl said...

I love, love, love, love your blog. I don't think I ever laughed so much my first time at a blog. Earned a spot on my blogroll. I'll be back!

5:07 AM  
Blogger Dick Small said...

Thanks, Joiseygirl! I really appreciate that! You're the best!

6:06 AM  
Blogger Jod{i} said...

LOL!!!!
I took my hubbys coffee hostage once...
You are too funny, only way to be!
How about a hypothetical 'family' that is very similar?

Peace

6:41 AM  
Blogger Sandi said...

She is a saint, that's for sure!

Have fun with the "family".. they sound remarkably like my inlaws...hehe

7:07 AM  
Blogger cherish said...

I would kill your ass!! I nice ice filled bucket of water over your head when you are in the shower would fix you...

Sounds like you have married your soul mate!

7:07 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Joiseygirl--As you have earned one on mine, my friend!

Dick--Everyone loves Dick. Wait...

Jod(i)--Peace to you! And thank you for dropping in on a Sunday morning!

Sandi--I would suspect so hee hee

Cherish--You must be right? Who else would put up with that but a soul mate?

8:27 AM  
Blogger CanadianSwiss said...

LOL. I fully agree with Blupaintred about the kids. That's why I don't have any either. I suppose your last comment about her inbread family is also a reason to be a saint? ;) Hahaha!

8:53 AM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

I am sorry... did you say something... I am still "caught" in the scenario on how you wake up Mrs Fab... She is a lucky woman...

9:10 AM  
Blogger hyena9 said...

Is she a saint or merely insane? hmmmmmm...

9:22 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

CS--Actually her inbred family is the one reason why I am a saint! LOL

Dutchy--Hey, play your cards right...LOL

Hyena9--Well, it's a sliding scale...LOL Thanks for stopping by!

9:26 AM  
Blogger Nobody said...

I am also off to a convention of the inbred at my in-laws today! I'm sure I will be scarred when I get back.

9:42 AM  
Blogger Finn said...

There is something wrong with you. But you're funny, so you're forgiven. Funny trumps everything.

Have fun in Orlando. How can you tell the inbreds from the tourists?

9:43 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

You are a wise man not to blog about her family!! lol

OMG @ jumping on the wife after you shower!! I would soo kick your azz!! She is sooo sweet thou, you are lucky!! =)

10:29 AM  
Blogger Just-Me-Jen said...

She is most definitely a saint, Mr. Fab!
I'm an extremely light sleeper & I get up early, so I wouldn't have to worry about the shower wakeup, and the accent thing probably would amuse me, but I'd have killed you for the Sprite thing. I hate to be yelled at. Just sayin'

10:38 AM  
Blogger michele said...

Fab you sound like a very funny
and cool guy to be around.
Mrs Fab is soooooooooo luckey.

10:39 AM  
Anonymous Monique said...

Oh my gosh, three reasons why I'm glad I'm single!!! LOL

10:59 AM  
Blogger Shelli said...

Stupid blogger wasn't working. I can't wait until you are done with this system

11:05 AM  
Blogger Shelli said...

OOOOh, Megan that was just plain mean. You know I am a tourist when I come down there. I'm hurt.;-)

11:07 AM  
Blogger Lori said...

You would fit in perfectly here in my household we do crazy stuff like that all the time.

When my brother visits we start up fake arguements in the check out line just to see peoples reactions LOL and when Linda is here her kids and I go around the aisles in the store yelling kitty kitty kitty see you would fit in perfectly.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Lynda said...

I feel the same way about my MIL. We may have to share stories sometime.

If my husband did #33(and possibly #91), then they would have trouble finding the body.

11:37 AM  
Anonymous Eric T. said...

While I clearly see Mrs. Fab's point, I would pay good money...very good money to see a Slovakian accent ordering all you can eat sliced pork with beans, garlic bread, and sweet tea.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

"The Festival of the Inbred."
BWwhahahahahHAHahaHAHHAhaH!!!!

How can you NOT blog about this!?!

12:08 PM  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

what? does that mean your wife is inbred? lmao!

if my husband jumped into bed with me soaked from his shower, one of us would have to die and I guarantee it would be him. ;)

12:28 PM  
Blogger Some Girl said...

OMG those are funny! I would hope that I would laugh as much as Mrs. Fab if they were being done to me. Then again, I can be nasty when i'm rudely woken up....

1:16 PM  
Anonymous Sodapop said...

You are a funny funny man. Mrs. Fab is definitely a saint cause I woulda done kicked your ass by now hahaha at least you have laughter! As for the in law thing...good luck and I'll pray for you!

1:38 PM  
Anonymous ficklechick said...

You're right, she's a huge saint!!!

1:55 PM  
Blogger Suze said...

So, what happened to reason 69, my favourite? ;)

In the UK the Sprite add features lovely little sprite creatures. I want one.

2:33 PM  
Blogger Tense Teacher said...

You are a very lucky husband indeed, at the very least, to have not come up with a black eye one of those times you've so rudely awakened her.

And, since you prayed for me and my family issues (it worked - I survived), I will certainly pray for you.

2:52 PM  
Blogger Tense Teacher said...

Oh, and I didn't kill any of my in-laws, either.

Who says God doesn't listen to prayers?

2:53 PM  
Blogger marty said...

You must have money. That's the only way a woman in new yawk would put up w/that.

4:02 PM  
Blogger Geek said...

Mrs Tense would kick my ass. Although #33 would be a lot of fun, might even be worth it.

4:50 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Nobody--I hope you fared well, my friend. I got out pretty unmarked.

Megan--Only by the license plates sis, only by the license plates...

Shannon and Jen--Kick my ass? Kill me? Ladies, all this pent up rage...this is not healthy. It is polluting your auras...I worry.

Shelli--Hey, break it up, you two :)

Lori--Very cool! I think I like your brother!

Lynda--You too? Homicidal tendencies? But you're so mild mannered...

Eric--Okay buddy, I'll be up in Atlanta sometime before you transfer...so you will get your chance. Pick the restaurant :)

Jen and Webmiztris--Somehow, Mrs. Fab avoided the inbred gene. It got everybody else though...

Somegirl and Soda Pop--I think I skate through with a combination of my natural charm and the lov for me that she just can't seem to shake :)

Suze--Oh, don't worry, #69 is coming...

Ficklechick--Isn't she though? God I love her!

Tense Teacher--I think it was Bonnie Franklin from One Day at a Time who was the one who said God didn't answer prayers...

Marty--Nope, no money. Just boyish charm and a slow hand...

Geek--I urge you to try it. Go ahead. She'll love it. Do it...

6:17 PM  
Blogger Kami said...

The festival of the inbred! I love it!

7:03 PM  
Blogger ablondeblogger said...

I have those dreaded in-laws, too. I feel your pain!

7:55 PM  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

I just survived 4 1/2 days at the in-laws... while not complete in-breds - it's a close contest.

So today I drug the hubby to a family gathering at my side... the drunken stupors begin!

8:28 PM  
Blogger zhadi said...

Oh, you'd have to swaddle yourself in faux tiger fur to escape death at my hands if you put cold cans of Sprite in my bed. I would destroy you. Mrs. FAb IS a saint.

On a different topic, do you realize you're the blogging equivelent of Stephen King? You could post your grocery list and people would still say that you're FABulous...

Just saying. :-)

8:56 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Kami--Hey, thanks for stopping by!

ABB--I've got your back if you've got mine!

Fantastagirl--Drunken stupors? Sounds promising!

Zhadi--Hmm.....

9:09 PM  
Blogger Jetting Through Life said...

I'd smack you if you did that to me and I were your wife on the weekends! That is grounds for beheading!! *wink*

Your wife is a Saint!

XXOO,
JTL

9:18 PM  
Blogger Maritza said...

Blogmad hit and shout out to Mrs. Fab for being, well, Fab!

10:13 PM  
Blogger ginviren said...

That Sprite stuff is priceless! That sounds like something my boyfriend would do. Hmmm...better not give him ideas! LOL

P.S. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

10:42 PM  
Blogger Chelle said...

EEK...Inlaws!! My thoughts are with you! :)

10:45 PM  
Blogger Chelle said...

I hope you are taking massive amounts of liquor...thats how I tolerate mine!

10:46 PM  
Blogger jkirlin said...

I love her.

Well, and you, too.

Both of you.

But maybe her a little more...

then again....

10:55 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Maritza--Thanks, doll! :)

Ginviren--My pleasure. Tell him to give me a call!

GKirlin--She loves you too, my friend. It's disturbing!

Chelle--Hmmm..I like the way you think!

JTL--Wow, beheading! Nice! LOL

11:00 PM  
Blogger Kayla said...

You're a fabulous nut!
If Mrs. Fab ever kicks you out, come on over. haha

12:16 PM  
Anonymous 3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

You wife, the ever patient Mrs. Fabulous, is indeed a saint.

Wet from a shower? Out of a dead sleep? As Dawn said, someone would die. ;-)

I can see where you keep things interesting Mr. Fab. And where Mrs. Fab has the patience of a saint.

3T

1:03 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:45 PM  
Blogger Plunky said...

That is hilarious but if Jason ever did that to me, there would hell to pay. Hell to pay!

2:59 PM  

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